_ Community Editor: Valorie Lennox 656-1151 TheReview Wednesday, February 26,1992 — All Teaching a boy to steer a straight course by Valorie Lennox The Review Any man who sailed the world for 11 years and worked in five | counties enroute ought to be able to trim the sails on one eight-year- old boy, right? Maybe. Six months after becoming a Big Brother, Gene Williams of Sidney was almost ready to weigh anchor on the project. Tt wasn’t that Cody Harder was a bad kid — Gene thought the boy had plenty of potential — it was Cody’s determination to test every rule of the relationship. “I used to be real bad,” Cody admits frankly during an anniver- Sary interview with Big Brother caseworker Suzanne Poole. “He (Gene) puts up with me. He helps me a lot.” : Tomorrow it will be three years since Gene and Cody first met under the auspices of the United Way funded organization, which matches children with unrelated adults willing to offer companion- ship as a volunteer Big Brother or Big Sister. At eight years old, Little Brother Cody was a confirmed classroom tebel and prepared to mutiny against his new Big Brother as well. “Everyone was on his case as -@ar as he was concerned,” Gene recalled. Cody was in constant trouble at school and had a hair- ttigger temper, which flared when classmates taunted him about his father. Cody’s father had died of cancer in 1988, a little over a year before the eight-year-old boy found a Big Brother in Gene Williams. “After my dad died, I just started — ’’ Cody pauses, uncer- tain how to describe his behavior, which he claims drove one teacher from the school. “T was the worst kid in the class,” Cody concludes. “No one really understood what I was going through.” Gene was ready to offer unde- rstanding, volunteering as a Big We other soon after completing his sailing adventure and buying a home in Sidney. “T really wanted to help some- one and I think I was trying too hard,” Williams said. “I wanted to help Cody overnight.” Just as with any pair of brothers, there was — and occasionally still is — some friction. An irate Cody once threw a hamburger at Gene while the pair were eating in a fast food restau- Tant. For the first few months, Cody repeatedly threatened to get another Big Brother to replace Gene — unaware that there was a waiting list at that time of 80 Little Brothers waiting to be matched with a Big Brother. § @ For Gene, knowing he was prob- ably Cody’s only chance for a Big Brother made the former sailor even more determined to stay the course. “My tules were a little tough for Cody to take,” Gene admits. “He JAY LYN JEWELLERS #12 - 2510 Bevan Ave. (Corner of 2nd & Bevan, Sidney) HOURS: 10.a.m.-5 p.m. Mon.-Sat. 656-5556 was going to be a challenge.” Knowing there were deep waters ahead for Cody, Gene didn’t give up. “Underneath the little rebel, he had a lot of potential. I really hada lot of faith in him. He’s a bright little guy and I could see him go wrong so easily,” Gene said. Gradually, Cody began to learn the ropes. More and more, Gene sees evidence that his faith is justified. Often Cody proudly tells Gene how he has resolved a problem — and in Cody’s solution Williams hears the echo of his own example. -At first Cody repeatedly asked Gene for money — now Cody has a paper route and is saving his earnings. One of Gene’s goals was to teach Cody the value of money. “I tried to get Cody used to the idea that he was not going to have everything he wanted.” A danger for some Big Brothers and Sisters is becoming trapped in a “Sugar Daddy” role, Gene said. Often the children are from single parent families with limited incomes, so the Big Brother or Sister is even more tempted to buy things or pay for outings that the Peggy Duman lost 53 pounds and has Rept it off for six years. LEARNING THE ROPES of sailing with Big Brother Gene Williams is 1 1-year- old Little Brother Cody Hardesof Sidney, who also tried out the ship’s steering wheel (eft). An information meeting for potential Big Brothers and Sisters will be held tomorrow night. For information on the program, call 383-1191. parent cannot provide. “T try to spend time, not money, on the relationship.” Most of Gene and Cody’s shared activities revolve around sports — Cody plays soccer and hockey — or around Gene’s inter- est in sailing and camping. Often, Cody just drops by Gene’s home to discuss a prob- lem. “If I want to talk to someone and my mom won’t understand, I can come to Gene.” Cody is not the only one learn- ing lessons. Gene says he has also gained from the relationship. “I was a little short on patience. Cody’s been good for me in cor- recting that.” Gene guards against slipping into a parental role. Instead of offering unsolicited advice, he waits for Cody to ask questions. “T try to make it more like friends than a formal relation- ship.” Gene concedes a Big Brother is only the first mate when it comes to teaching a boy how to chart his course. Cody’s mother is the captain. “She has the first say. 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