HUMOR The lottery: a tax on fools. Henry Fielding ometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words. A few weeks ago the newspaper carried a photograph that said more about the idiocy of lotteries than a hundred-page manifesto from Gamblers Anonymous. The photo showed a guy lying on the hood of his car which was parked in front of a Florida con- venience store. He was staying there all night so that he could be first in line when the store opened in the morning. He in- tended, the photo caption said, to spend his last $800 on lottery tickets. It was part of the latest out- break of Lottomania which oc- curred in Florida last month. The top prize in the state lottery was worth over $100 million, and suddenly people were buying 10, 15 tickets at a time. Some hopefuls spent their rent money. Others arranged bank loans. Just think of the (sub-human) level of logic. Some of these folks wouldn't have bothered to buy a ticket if the prize had been, say, $100,000. But $100 million? Florida looked like a shark feed- ing frenzy. Despite the fact that every ticket sold increased the odds against winning, the lineups of hopefuls stretched for blocks. Its a strange addiction, Lot- tomania. Some people live for their weekly fix. I know a lady who lays out 20 bucks every Thursday morning at the corner store. All Thursday afternoon she’s as high as gyrfalcon, hum- ming Broadway tunes and chat- tering about faraway places. Then comes Friday morning. She's lost again and she’s down in the dumps. Which is where she stays until another Thursday morning rolls around. I figure she’s happy for about six hours a week. Hell, most drugs give a better return than that. I've thought of telling her that I know an easy way she could save a thousand dollars a year, but a little voice tells me she doesn’t want to hear it. Lot- tomaniacs do love their vice. Even though it can kill them. Bill Curry, a 37-year-old Boston cafeteria worker, won $4 million and change in the Mas- HHI asic Bl x By ARTHUR BLACK sachusetts lottery. He died of a heart attack two weeks later. His sister-in-law said Curry’s health began to go downhill the day he found out he’d won. He was hounded by old acquaintan- ces who suddenly became best friends, by self-appointed finan- cial advisers and strangers seeking money for everything from major surgery to Madagas- car tin mines. “It was the stress of it that killed him,” says the sister-in- law. That's the trouble with easy money: in the long run, it’s not that easy. Pauline Glassman knew that. She's a Toronto woman who, 10 years ago, was a bag lady sleep- ing in parks and eating out of restaurant dumpsters, wander- ing through the alleys and laneways of downtown Toronto. In 1982 she disappeared and was given up for dead. Then, just afew weeks ago, a private detec- tive found her alive and mar- ried, on welfare, in a tiny apartment in a subsidized hous- | « Lottomaniacs do love their vice ing project in Toronto. At first she denied being Pauline Glassman, but the detective had done his homework. As well he might. The detective was being well paid by a large trust company that urgently wanted to find Pauline Glassman. To tell her that, due to an in- heritance, she was now a mil- lionaire. But the best part is — Pauline Glassman didn’t want the money! She said the past five years with her new husband had been “the best years of my life” —so wonderful that not only did the prospect of wealth not tempt her, she feared it might ruin all the joy she'd found. Smart lady. Alas, smooth talkers in charge of the estate convinced her otherwise. Pauline Glassman gave in and is now a rich woman. I guess all we can do is wish her: “Good luck.” 2 Sale ends Dec. 1/90 at Miles Primrose’s 616 Gorge Rd. East Victoria * BONUS- Free Road Hazard‘ on Car Tires during this sale. XH: THE LONG WEARING ALL SEASON P175/80R13 $95 See The Michelin Experts at Tire Town Sport EXP-X‘s, The New XGTH4, MXL’s, TRX’s, MXV’s, MX, ZX and of course é the Superior Michelin Snow Tires. - We also sell and service Michelin light and heavy trucks - TRY US! | BELIEVE — IN MICHELINS! Superior comfort, handling, security and Michelin's. — unbeatable mileage are just some of the reasons’ | believe Michelins are the best value on the road today, At prices like these why consider buying anything else? Quick and Professional Service 7:30 - 5:30 Weekdays 8:00 - 4:00 Saturday P HILLSIDE TIRE TOWN VICTORIA XA4: a THE POSTIVELY DURABLE ALL SEASON P155/80R13 from °86* for 386-6367 Ea) = E MICHELIN _ Because somuch 1S riding on your tires.