PIS,

RAE

zis
=

SSS BS PAUQGESE 2H 7. “nas, Week ==

HUMOR

: a 3 -

Powerful physiological effect isn’t the
only reason for kissing and caressing

young woman

and a young man

had better not be

lone together very

much until they are mar-
ried. This will be found to
prevent a good many
troubles. Kisses and cares-

ses... have a direct and
powerful physiological ef-
fect. Nay, they often lead to
the most fatal results. —
from A Complete Sexual
Science And a Guide to
Purity and Physical Man-
hood (1894).

(e a)

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I remember when I first
did it. Judy Page was her
name. It was at my sister’s
wedding and I (rogue that I
was) took advantage of all
the nuptial confusion. I
dragged Judy behind a cur-
tain and we did it.

Just once. I was a beginner,
after. all.

Not like Paul and Sadie An-
dover, two passionate
Americans who hold the world
record: 20,009 times in two
hours. :

Not like the three couples
sprawled in the parking lot of a
furniture shop in Reno, Nevada
last month. Tourists and shop-
pers practically had to climb
over them as they did it tout
ensemble right there on the
main drag!

What's that Madame? You say
you're canceling your subscrip-
tion to This Week and faxing a
petition to Joe Clark to have me
drawn and quartered in the
shade of the Peace Tower?
Relax. —

It’s osculation we're talking
about here. Paul and Sadie An-
dover. kissed each other 20,009
times in two hours. Those three
Reno couples in the furniture
store parking lot were joined
only at the lips.

As for Judy and me, well what
do you expect? She was the
flower girl and I was the page
boy. We couldn't have made one
teenager even if you added our
ages together.

Judy and I did it out of
curiosity, I guess. Paul and
Sadie did it to get their names in
the record book. The Reno Sex-
tet did it strictly for money. They
were contestants in an event
called the Great American Kiss-

FROM ONE KID TO ANOTHER — this one-year old goat,
Laveme, nibbles at eight-year old Michelle Lum’s pony tail.
Maybe this is how the resident animals of Beacon Hill’s

Children’s Farm kiss.

Off, a promotion sponsored by a
Nevada furniture store which
offered $10,000 U.S. to the
couple that could kiss the
longest. Contestants had to
smooch for 12 hours each day,
from nine in the morning ‘til
nine at night, right out there in
the furniture store’s parking lot.
They got a five-minute break
each hour to reapply their
lipstick and water the flowers —
otherwise ti was nose to nose
with their loved one from dawn
to dusk.

How long do you think you
could buss your sweetie under
those conditions? Half a day?
Three days? A week?

The Nevada Nuzzlers held out
— and on — for forty-two days.
In fact, they'd probably still be
nibbling at each other except the
furniture company got tired of
not having a parking lot. Com-

Photo by CHUCK RUSSELL

bizarre than our custom of
planting juicy smackers on one
another's lips? I wouldn’t want
to argue it in a court of law. ~
Which is where some kissers
end up, by the way. Like the 24
year old Oklahoman who was
convicted of assault back in 1976,
and fined $200. His crime? Kiss-
ing the elbow — the elbow! — of
a parking warden while she was
giving him a ticket.
Things were even toughef in
England during the early
nineteen hundreds. Any chap
caught kissing his wife on a Sun-
day could expect to spend two

hours in the stocks.

All of which brings to mind a
morsel of doggerell that’s been
dancing around in my head ever
since I read about the Great g@

American Kissoft:

She frowned and called him
Mr.

pany officials awarded the ten Because in sport he kr.
grand to all six contestants and And so in spite
letthem splititup any waythey That very nite
liked. This Mr. kr; sr.
Strange way to say hello,
though —kissing. WhenIwasa Don’t know a thing about the

poet, but Fl bet you a French
Kiss he wasn’t a nineteenth cen-
tury Englishman.

kid we used to laugh about the
Eskimos and their habit of rub-
bing noses. But is that any more

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