Dear Mr Manners — Once during a dinner
party I inadvertently picked up the wrong fork
from the three or four lying to the left of my plate.
Heads turned. Table talk ceased. Nothing was
said, but I knew I had sinned. I was six years old
at the time but my embarrassment lingers on.

TI now have grandchildren. They are about six

and they think their grandad can do no wrong.

Their parents don’t seem to have told them the
facts about forks. My problem is that I don’t know
whether I should say something to the kids or just
keep quiet.

I don’t want them to live in cutlery ignorance
for the rest of their days but, if I confess my
youthful transgression, I’m afraid Ill lose the
most-favored-grandad status I now enjoy.

Can you help me please?

Gentle Jackass — Mr. Manners understands
your frustration but you deserved everything you
got. Anyone who selects an incorrect fork,
especially someone as old as five or six, is lucky
to escape with only a lifetime of embarrassment.

If Mr. Manners had been at that ill-fated dinner
party, he would have taken the fork and driven its
tines deep into the back of your hand. Ther four
scars would have remained to show the world, and
your grandkids, that you aren’t the goodie-goodie
you've pretended to be all these years.

Dear Mr. Manners — I never know what to do
with the hard bits I find on a fork before I use it.
In a restaurant, I just ask for a clean fork. But
when dining at a neighbour’s home .. . ?

Gentle Reader — Mr. Manners understands
your problem but he doesn’t understand why
everyone is writing to him about forks. Is there a
fork fetish going around, or what? Jeez.

Anyway, you have two choices with the fork
food. The first is to just eat it. Odds are the little
nibbly was food in its previous life. Maybe it still
is. Maybe it has improved with age?

Your second alternative, the one preferred by
Most pretentious snots, is to take a knife and
scrape away at the little sucker until you have
everyone’s attention. Then ask if anyone else

Mr. Manners at your service

managed to get some of last night’s dinner or
where you the only lucky one. Suggest that the
others go ahead and eat and you'll catch up later.

Dear Mr. Manners — So where do I flick the
stuff I dig out of my nose when I’m at someone’s
house for dinner anyway? I mean, maybe they re
not into booger wars, you know?

Gentle Nose Picker — You seem to be a person
of impeccable taste and so Mr. Manners is sure
you will understand when he asks you to never
ever write to him again.

Dear Mr. Manners — I just feel simply terribly
stupid asking you this but I’ve got a friend who
reads your column regularly and she says you are
simply wonderful and you give just the most
super advice and, although I’d never even heard
of you until yesterday, I have a wonderful warm
feeling that you are one of those persons who
really care about people and if you had a first
name J just know we’d be on a first name basis
and my name is Belinda but you can call me
Butch which is what my friends call me, if they
call me at all, which brings me to what I wanted to
ask.

When drinking coffee from a plastic cup should
I raise my pinkie?

Gentle Belinda — Mr. Manners understands
your problem — you don’t read his column. If
you did, you’d know the coffee/finger rules which
are: Pinkie for plastic, Ruby Ring for styrofoam,
Toby Tall for paper and all three when the coffee
dribbles over the top when you're carrying it to
your table.

Dear Mr. Manners — Waaaah! Waaaah! Boo
Hoo! Sniffle, snort, sneeze.

Gentle Sad Case — Hey there big fella get a
grip. It can’t be that bad. Slap a wad of Kleenex
against the front of your head and write to Mr.
Manners when you feel better. I'll be here for you.

(And if you too feel a need to write to Mr
Manners, fill your boots. If your question is
deemed by our panel of judges to be as sensible as
those above, you too could see your name in print.
Otherwise, we'll just slam dunk it into the round
file.)

More lottery winners on Peninsula

A MOTHER AND daughter were carefully
scratching Airborne lottery tickets inside their
car parked in the Oakcrest Saanichton shopping
centre parking lot last week when elation struck.
Daughter Linda Clark said “I’ve got two $5s and
two $10,000s and one . . .” She saw the third
$10,000 and screamed “Oh, Mum! Oh, Mum.”
Both felt stunned. Mum Helen Mohl was quite
calm through the whole experience but said she
felt really excited inside. She plans to use her
share of the money for a new car while her
daughter plans to use $5,000 for home renova-
tions and a short holiday. Meanwhile, Sidney
resident Ella Young really hit the jackpot a few
days ago. She won a cool $100,000. She says she
bought three Special Edition tickets at Tanner’s
Books and Gifts in Sidney and promptly put
them in a drawer at home. Young said “I
completely forgot about them until just recently. I
checked in the Luck magazine and the numbers
matched . . . I wasn’t really excited at first. It’s
just beginning to sink in now.” She plans to use
the winnings to help her family.

* ok x

PARKSVILLE RESIDENT Margaret Char-
bonneau would like some help in obtaining a
photograph of the old Resthaven Hospital. She
laments the fact it has been tom down, especially
since her oldest son was born there in 1941. She’s
hoping to get a photograph of the hospital to send
to her son. Anyone who can help can call The
Review at 656-1151 and we'll pass on the
message.

* kOe

REALTOR HENRY RAVENSDALE is deter-
mined to canoe around Vancouver Island, starting
August 23, so he can help fulfill a dream of
seven-year-old Patrick Baynham of Colwood
who has cancer. Ravensdale, 51, is hoping to raise
enough money through his two-week 680-mile
solo trip to help fund’ a party for young Patrick.

=e

The Help A Dream Foundation hopes to
organize an event at Luxton Hall in Victoria to
allow Patrick, who is a leukemia victim, to party
with 200 of his friends. Pledges or donations
should be made out to the Help Fill A Dream
Foundation, and can be dropped off at any real
estate firm in Greater Victoria. They can also be
handed in at the Greater Victoria Real Estate
Board at 3035 Nanaimo Street in Victoria.

* KX

JAZZ FANS WON'T have to travel as far as
New Orleans this year to partake in a jazz festival.
Sidney’s Dixieland Jazz Festival, formerly part
of the Sidney Days festival, will swing into town
from September 28-30. The following bands have
been confirmed for the musical fiesta: the
Stumpton Jazz Band, the Goodtime Jazz
Band, the Desperation Jazz Band, the Down-
town Dixie Cats, the Esquimalt Secondary
School Jazz band and our very own Parkland
Secondary School Jazz Band. Volunteers are
urgently needed. Those interested can call orga-
nizer Bill German at 656-4141, evenings or
weekends.

Kents Cabinets
and Furniture

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655-0881

(1 Block from Slegg Lumber)

SIDNEY

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656-4435

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Tue. - Thurs: 11-7:30 pm

Fri. - Sat: 11-8pm
Sun: 4-7:30 pm

Closed Monday DINE IN OR TAKE OUT

sidney Pharmacy

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2425B Bevan Ave.
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656-1168 656-0744

London Optical

TAKING THE TIME TO MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD

also
emergency repair services -
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Optical Problems? Let us solve them!

656-1413
SAT. 9:00-4:00

eee

Sidney — 9779 4th Street
MON.-FRI. 9:00-5:30