This Week May 30,1990. PageM7 & 6 ETIQUETTE Office hug was inappropriate ear Miss Manners — Ten years ago I experienced one of the most embarrass- ing incidents of my life. The hurt and the embarrassment still linger. _ My boss had called me and three or four others into his office for a meeting. The office was small. It had a couple of chairs and a relatively narrow bench that three adults could sit on if they had to. I sat down on the bench next to a lovely Southern lady and put my arm around her shoulder to give -her a teasing (or so I thought) hug. She promptly went into the approved and copyrighted Manners Technique: She jumped up, squalled rather notice ably and briefly shook like a lesson, but that is far too long a sentence for a transgression with no ill motivation. The lady quickly forgot the incident, as evidenced by her being puzzled at your subsequent coolness, and Miss Manners absolves you so that you can once again sleep through the night without waking up in a cold sweat. But it was a transgression nonetheless. How was the lady to know your motivation at the time? Business meetings are not the occasions for physi- cal expressions of “pretty good” friendship. If you are not.a hugger, why did you hug her? DEAR MISS MANNERS — I arrived 35 to 40 a seat (all kinds of people were saving them), so I humbly went and took a back seat that no one wanted, from which it was a strain to hear some of the speakers. GENTLE READER — Miss Manners unde- rstands your frustration but has not been able to bring herself to wax indignant over it. And she cannot condone your usurpation of their seats. Does “First come, first served” really demand that, for example, elderly relatives show up at dawn if they want to have seats near the rest of the family? The guests of each graduate want to sit together, and Miss Manners has a hard time requiring them to behave as dry leaf in a strong wind. While I managed to keep a straight face as my friends pealed with laughter, I was totally humiliated. _ lam noted for my sense of humour. I’m not a toucher, qeugger, kisser or masher. I ==Miss-Manners By JUDITH MARTIN individuals each scrambling for himself. DEAR MISS MANNERS * = — I’ve lost weight and am i | : now subject to a great many ao Pe comments on my appearance. Not content with remarking 7 we on my present condition, ma- rarely touch people. She and I had worked together for two or three __years and were pretty good friends, or so I thought. Though I was married and she was not, I’ve never been noted for making “moves” on females other than my wife. I have remained loyal for my 20 years of married life. I could hardly stand facing this lady anymore and attempted to keep my distance without being noticeable. A couple of months later she came to my office and asked me if there was something wrong. All I could do was lie and tell her I had been busy. Soon afterward she took another job and I have not seen her since. Did I really deserve that? GENTLE READER — Not 10 years. It was a good minutes early for my son’s graduation. The church was already full, but what bothered me was that people were saving seats for others. I tried vainly to find a seat, but people had coats, bags, etc., on empty seats, and when I approached they said, “These seats are saved.” At last I found a woman who had draped her long coat on four seats to save them. I felt very angry and sat down on one of the seats. She said, “I have been saving these four seats since 6 o'clock.” I said, “I’m sorry, but you should not save all these seats” and stayed where I was. Her friends did not approach the seats until exactly three minutes before the graduation began. On another occasion I went 45 minutes early to a school play (general admission) and was looking for ny people also give me their opinions of how I looked in the past. I know these people think they're giving me compliments, but I hate this kind of attention. Do you have a phrase that, without making me seem rude, will let these people know that? GENTLE READER — “I had no idea people were so interested in my appearance.” Said slightly. coolly, this jolts busybodies from the smugness of believing that appraising others is a service to them. Feeling incorrect? Address your etiquette questions (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of this newspaper. The quill shortage prevents Miss Manners from answer- ing questions other than through this column. ~ PVE NEVER EVER SEEN LIKE IT! Reg. $119 MEN'S AIRSTAB. 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