\y nl ie to. veree MIS ee ERE This Week May 23,1990. Page M9 MODERN LIFE ask person’s gender? EAR MISS MAN- NERS — What is the polite way to ask a person’s gen- der? Yesterday I went to my bank andl dho sleds cia helped me was wearing an attractive pants outfit. lam a young lady who is inter- ested in clothes, and if I see another lady wearing a nice outfit, I like to compliment her on it. However, I would never compliment a. strange man or comment on his outfit, so it was important to me to know whether the clerk was male or female. The clerk was wearing a name tag, but the name could have been male or female. The clerk looked like either a very effiminate male or a very masculine to be your relative or friend’s fortune when it hits the literary auction mar- ket, you sign the book, as you would a letter, by the name that person calls you. DEAR MISS MANNERS — What is the proper re- sponse to a question ad- dressed to an infant? Sever- al times people have said to my 4-month-old daughter, “What a pretty baby — what is your name?” I have always responded, “Tell the nice lady your name is Sally.” But how long can this go on when they continue a conversa- tion with the baby: “How old are you? What is your dolly’s name?” I am uncom- fortable answering ques- tions not addressed to me, yet feel I am being rude if I ignore the inquisitive female. stranger. GENTLE GENTLE READER — READER — It seems to Although Miss Man- you got off to ners that you are examin- ing your bank clerk when you ought to be counting your money and depart- a charming start there, Miss Man- ners appreci- ates there are only so many times an adult can Inanage to ing to spend By JUDITH MARTIN say, “Tell the it. Nice lady The truth that...” is that there isn’t a legiti- “mate reason for you to know your bank clerk’s gender, other than to avoid the awkward phrasing to which you had to resort because you didn’t know which pronoun to use. That compliments are of- ten well-meant and wel- comed does not make them appropriate in business transactions. People who serve the public are not therefore making them- selves available to be judged by their customers on personal matters, and casual admiration may not be taken as_ disinterest by the clerk, who. might have trouble indentifying your gender or intentions. Besides, Miss Manners would hate to have been behind you in line when the clerk relied, “Oh, do you like it? I got it on sale,” and you respond “Where?” and so on. DEAR MISS MANNERS — Where should the author sign a book — on the first blank page or the first title page, or on the second title page beneath the author’s ® printed name? Also, in inseribing a book to a relative or friend, should the author sign only his first name or his full name? GENTLE READER — The right place to auto- graph a book is on the dedication page. Other au- thors may tell you other- wise — indeed some of them have been cheeky enough to tell Miss Man- ners otherwise — but Miss Manners is the final au- thority on this. Unless you believe that P your full autograph is going When you begin to reach your limit, try dropping the ruse and answering the questions yourself. If that doesn’t work, the polite phrase you need is “Say bye-bye to the nice lady.” DEAR MISS MANNERS — My sister is a wonderful artist. She works with bold, strong strokes and passion and richness of colour. I have two paintings of hers already hanging in my house. She has now painted a portrait of me as a gift. I cherish it and would like to hang it on my wall. I am male and I live alone. Is it improper to hang a portrait of oneself is one’s home? GENTLE READER — Oddly enough, etiquette — that same stern taskmi- stress that makes you put your trophies in your study and your wedding photo- graphs in your bedroom — thinks that front rooms are just the place to hang a painted portrait of your very own self. The sole requirement is that you discuss only the merits of the artist - as you have done so charmingly here - and not the subject. Whether justice has been done to the latter — Miss Manners believes that the traditional comment is “There is something not quite right about the mouth” — is for others to debate. Feeling incorrect? Ad- dress your etiquette ques- tions (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of this newspaper. The quill shortage prevents Miss Manners from answering questions other than through this column. V has absolutely no effect on children’s behavior. You can let them watch it until their eyes go square. There is no need to fear that your kids will model themselves after Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Mr. Rogers. I drew this conclusion after comparing the behavior of television families with my own family. The first thing I noticed is that televsion families never watch television. The Cosby family do- esn’t own one, as far. as I can see. There is one at Roseanne’s house, but they never watch it. The Beachcombers have never heard of Sesame Street. My family is a candidate for the Guiness World Record for televi- sion viewing. If what they watched governed how they acted they wouldn't be watching. TV families don’t listen to the radio either, unless they want to hear a hurricane or blizzard re- port. In our house, at any time of the day, you can hear three radios tuned to different stations. They didn’t learn the Top 40 from watching Alf. Some parents fear that if they allow their children to watch the Sutter family play hockey on Hockey Night in Canada, the little ones will soon be out on the ice, body checking. I say let them raise CBC's ratings. Kids learn early in life that real sticks hurt, unless they are wearing real helmets, shoulder and shin pads. They would be as likely to ask for an organ so they could copy the organist at the Forum, whose favorite tune is the first three bars of Three S| Offer expires June 9, 1990 privileges. What's a polite way to Force children to watch TV Blind Mice. When that happens, cut off their TV “But wrestling,” you say: “I'd never let my kids watch wrestling. I monitored my family as they watched the Hart family, Brett, Keith, Bruce and Owen go to the Life-s-Eikethat By JOAN MYLES mat. We saw the Rousseau Brothers body slam. Uncle Elmer and Hillbilly Jim ran their opponents in the turnbuckle. I can honestly say that my children show no inclination to dress up in bathing suits and gold chains. They do put headlocks and toe holds on each other, but then Gramps and his brother did that when they were kids too, long before televi- sion came along. Children on televsion are al- ways taking out the garbage. - Real life children have to be threatened before they even con- sider doing it. Sitcom kids have neat bed- rooms because they have all that extra time to clean and tidy when they aren’t watching televsion. They talk on the phone only long enough to take a message. They never talk back to their parents. faces. Even the cartoon characters have clean hands and Children know the difference between real life and entertainment. You can tell this, because they refuse to ape the well-mannered, studious charac- to worry. ters on our favorite shows. It is a sign of good mental health that they wish to be their own kind of person. 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