TEC 2 M8 RN, CARA AEE ERAS SRREAAUREURURLANSE US SSPE YSEIWES DIETS

HUMOUR

-Auniform uproar everywhere

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that
we have to alter it every six months.

Oscar Wilde
aybe it’s a late-breaking epidemic of
spring fever, but Canadians are sud-
denly, inexplicably prattling about
fashion, of all subjects.

This is an unexpected development from a people
whose contributions to the world of High Fashion
to date are the toque, mittens-on-a-string and toe
rubbers. Fashion plates we ain’t. When it comes to
faney dressers, the Americans have Cher; we
Canucks have Cher-ry.

As in Don.

x

But that, as I say, may all be changing. Suddenly,

Canada is a-buzz with fashion gossip. And it’s
getting louder.
First, it was the
Mountie hats. A
= ——_-——— = |—_——-—__ court decision de-
=Basic=B adele creeing that
Sikhs could legal-
ly wear turbans
while handing
out parking tick-
ets on horseback
plunged the coun-
try into two bit-
terly divided
camps. On the
pro-Choice side
were the Canucks
who thought that

position it's “if the hat is good enough for Yogi Bear

it’s good enough, by God, for Canada’s finest.”
But the Mountie hat is not the only brush fire on

the fashion front. Ed Werenich has joined the fray

as well. A few weeks back,
on his way to the World
Curling Championship,
Ed got his rocks off about
the deteriorating dress
codes for curlers.

Dress codes for cur-
lers??? Is this a David
Letterman sketch?

Nope, Ed was serious.
He hates those track suits
that European curling
teams wear. “It’s like a
pyjama party. They look
like they should be out
jogging instead of curl-
ing.” The Canadian skip
favours the time-
honoured sweater and
pleated-slacks approach.

Well, whether or not
you agree with him, you
have to admire Ed’s chut-
zpah. Here’s a guy with
the silhouette of a munici-
pal water tank telling us
what’s chic and what is
not.

I'm not saying that Ed

«<2

you look...

wasn't turmoil enough, we've got vogue vagueness
in the Post Office as well.

Canada Post nabobs chose the spring of 90 to
unveil their all-new ‘Posties On The Job’ Fashion

Line. Were the 27,000
new uniforms (trousers,
shorts, jackets and base-
ball caps all in royal blue)
a critical hit? Well, they
took the Canadian Union
of Postal Workers collec-
tive breath away.

Most of it, anyway. The
Posties still had enough
wind left to say words like
“agly”, “baggy”, “synthet-
ic” and “clownish”.

“Most people could
leave the Post Office and
start working at Burger
King without changing
clothes” said one official,
Looking sideways at the
‘transparent-when-wet’
top, a female letter carrier
commented “I’m not too
fond of entering wet T-
shirt contests”.

Ah, me. Costume quan-
dary and uniform uproar
everywhere you look,
these days. Personally, I
don’t know what the

turbans were fine — and while we're at it, why not
bicycle helmets, yarmulkes, feathered headdress-
es, Raiders-of-the-Lost-Ark fedoras and Beanies-
with-propellers too?

These Bolshevik faddists were strenuously op-
posed by the Traditionalists — staunch, loyal
patriots who liked the Mountie hat just the way it
was, thank you very much.

If I understand the kernel of the Traditionalist

is unduly chunky...but he
is the only member of the
Canadian Men’s Curling
Team who was forced to
wear a T-shirt with the
message I AM NOT THE ZAMBONI, PLEASE.
GET OFF MY BACK.

And as if fashion uncertainty on the curling
sheets and in the Mountie’s saddles of the nation

Mounties, Ed Werenich
and the Posties are whin-
ing about. Those new get-
ups aren’t so bad. Some-
body should tell ’em to
straighten up and stop complaining or we'll hit
them with some truly hideous uniforms.

Let’s see now...the Vancouver Canucks are out of
the playoffs, aren’t they?

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