ve!) Sa — AEE How Canadians got un language Attendez class. Today nous are going to parler about history. It was soon apres the terrible Language Wars dans the early 1990s that l’idea of une language for Canada, la language that nous use now, was bom. Vous may remember votre grandparents tell of those guerres and que led up to them. First there. were les federal and provincial laws declaring que both French et English were Canada’s official languages. Tout le monde knew that was a tres dumb move and within hours apres the laws were passed ils were either broken or autre laws were enacted to screw them up. French parlering Canadians, most of whom lived dans la province of Quebec, made laws which limited English dans their area. When la government de Quebec made those laws, autre provinces made laws which kept out le French language. Apres that, Canadians began calling each other bigots. They marched avec signs and ils threw ripe fruit. Then individual cities declared themselves ete unilingual. Non, non. Ne laugh pas. That’s la truth. So help me Dieu. Both sides wrote beaucoup de books, spoke endlessly on radio and television accusing the autre cote of hatching nasty plots to take over the country by force si necessaire. The pitching of ripe fruit soon escalatéd to maison bumings, bureau sackings and the border ‘wars in Ottawa, LaChute et Pembroke. Things really heated up quand it was discovered que in order to promote bi-culturalism the federal government had spent an average of $666,575 every single day for four years (1985-1988) and heaven knows how much more apres that. People living in Western Canada were horrified to learn que the CBC’s French language station dans Vancouver employed 25 people, had un budget of $2.2 million — but only 100 listeners. Edmonton’s French station had 32 staff, a budget of $2.4 million et 600 listeners. It was then que both cotes got tres mad. English speaking folks said ils ont sick and tired of spending that kind of money to have French _ rammed down their throats. French speaking folks said they were sick and tired of spending that kind of money on language duplication and ordered the ~ federal government to arret. Although they hadn’t figured out que to do, tous les Canadiens not employed by the federal government refused to pay any taxes as long as the bi-culturalism departments existed. ; It was un French immersion kindergarten class somewhere in Victoria que finally hit on un solution. Yous see, les pupils all spoke un melange of French et English and they understood each other perfectment. The premier of British Columbia heard about the class and discovered that he parlered comme they did only he thought he was parlering French. Over the violent objections of everyone dans his government, he took Videa d’une nouveau, dis- tinctly Canadian language to the people of his province et to the whole de Canada. Tout le monde loved l’idea. They praised him and lobbed what rotten fruit they still owned at ses detractors. Tres vite the people adopted Canadian as the country’s official language. They felt vindicated quand the Reine delivered her 1996 Christmas broadcast entirely in Canadian and, for the first temps, everyone in the country comprend. - Excuse moi Professor but j’ai heard le Canadian language criticized parce que it con- forms to no known rules de grammar. It also allows either French ou English mots to be used however and whenever the speaker desire. That’s right et that’s its beautiful simplicity. Quand tout le monde realized que les kindergar- ten kids communicated easily by ignoring gram- mar and rules, they realized that adults could communicate the meme way. Maintenant, any Canadian can parler any way ils jolly well like and c’est okay. - Excuse me Professor mais pourquoi couldn’t -les Canadians qui lived in the early 1990s work out their language problems sans resorting to name calling, wars and fruit throwing. I ne know pas. C’est un mystery. TheReview Wednesday, March 14,1990 — AT +UPHOLSTERY +DRAPERIES + ANTIQUES KETC. ist URNS Es aes annie” 652-9454 6655 TRUDEAU TERRACE BRENTWOOD BAY, B.C. WATER! CONDITIONING IRON REMOVAL CHLORINATION PURIFICATION FREE WATER ANALYSIS huded ATERTECH Strickland to the rescue. WE WERE scooped by the University of Victoria’s The Ring on this one. According to a Feb. 19 story of the campus newspaper, under the byline of Colin Macrae, two lives were saved off Sidney Island when the UVic research vessel the MSSV John Strickland answered an interna- tional emergency channel Mayday. Observers saw two boys go into the water Feb. 6 when their boat was swamped. The Strickland’s crew extended a . pole to the two youngsters and brought them aboard, after 15 to 20 minutes in the water. * * x ANOTHER POST-SECONDARY school newspaper, this one run by the students of Whitman College in Walla Walla, Wash., has the daughter of a local couple on staff. Senior Gina Scollard, daughter of Jerold and Mary Scollard, is business manager of The Pioneer, a news release from school says. Whitman is a private, independent liberal arts and sciences college of 1,200 students, and is the oldest chartered institution of higher education in the State. * OK OK BRITISH COLUMBIANS pledged $3,789,136 for yet another record-breaking Variety Club Telethon, Feb. 24 and 25, in the club’s quest to help special-needs: children. * * x A SIDNEY resident was among more than 300 ” Simon Fraser University faculty and students honored earlier this month at the annual awards ceremony. Jeffery A. Dahl, a graduate of Park- land Secondary School, won an $8,000, presi- dent’s senior secondary entrance scholarship. kK OK BUSY SEARCHING for the area’s top 12 Automobile Association and the school districts of Victoria, Saanich, Sooke and the Gulf Islands. More than 65 participants will be selected from schools throughout the province to take part in the fourth annual BCAA School Patrol Jamboree, May 11, 12, and 13 in Vancouver. “These students have a very important role in the community’s traffic safety efforts,” John Ratel, more information; call him at 382-8171. * *K * way, raising moncy for the British Columbia Lions Society for Crippled Children. “You never stand so tall was when you bend to help a child,” say the Easter Seal people. * * x ® TIMMY’S TELETHON comes to the McPherson Playhouse March 24 and 25, a project to raise money for Camp Shawnigan, the Island’s Lions camp for crippled children and people with special needs. Donation tins are now in local businesses. Large donations may be made during the telethon. * OK school patrollers are the British Columbia _ BCAA service centre manager in Victoria. For THE ANNUAL Easter Seal campaign is under "24 HOUR SERVICE — 382-9468 ws 58) Saanich Upholstery 2g e RE-UPHOLSTER ALL - SENIORS DISCOUNT a ; 30 YEARS EXPERIENCE Ww MAKES OF FURNITURE » UPHOLSTERY GF SUPPLIES : rs *- CUSTOM_HEADBOARDS » IN HOME ESTIMATES » FREE PICK-UP & DELIVERY see 2S eS Ee 2 7 . THE PENINSULA PLAYERS PRESENT “THE HEIRESS” (a love story in 2 acis) - ws by Augustus Goetz directed by Daphne Farmer March 15, 16, 17 — 22,23,24 Curtain 8:00 p.m. Central Saanich Lion’s Hall 6994 E. Saanich Rd. Adults $5.00 Seniors/Students $4.00 Tickets at Tanners — Sidney, The Thought Shop — Brentwood and at the door. (MANGOES LADIES BOUTIQUE | invites you to our Spring 1990 Fashion Show & Dinner Sidney Seafood House Banquet Room 9819 - 5th Street _ Sidney, B.C. Thurs., April 5th 7 p.m. prompt Tickets $15.95 Includes choice of two Menues: ~ Starter : Entree Dessert Tea and Coffee Spring Preview Fashion Show Cs We look forward to seeing you there. 9810 Seventh Street, Sidney 655-3316 FASHION SHOW TICKETS AVAILABLE AT MANGOES FOR SALE PRIOR TO SHOW J, Ml