TheReview Wednesday, February 14,1990 — A7 OK, that’s it. I’ve had it with Canadian money. I’m trading both of mine in for some of that foreign stuff that gets you 3,000 of theirs for one of ours. It was bad enough when, back in 1986, whoever’s in charge in Ottawa yanked the good old $5 bill with Her Majesty on the front and whatever it was on the back and replaced it with a bald Frenchman and a blue bird. Some people said the bird made the banknote look like banana republic currency. Other people said the new design accurately depicted where the country was headed. Either way, the new saw- bucks looked fake to me but, as long as shopkeepers were willing to accept them in exchange for gumdrops, I chose to keep my mouth shut. Then, in quick succession, the $2 and $10 bills changed from Queens to dead prime ministers and from substantial Canadian scenes to wimpy birdies. I don’t even remember what substantial Canadian scenes once graced the Queen’s back- side but I do know that carrying around a bit of Canada made a fellow proud. Then came the Looney. How embarrassing. “Hey Canuck, what do you guys call your dollar?” bellowed an American during a bracing ocean cruise we shared between Victoria and Vancouver. “Ahh ... yeah ... well, we call it a dollar, like you,” I mumbled sheepishly. “No, no. The other name.” “A Looney.” - “Yuk, yuk, yuk. Ya hear that Martha? I told you. Isn’t that the goldarndest thing ya ever heard?” Canadians, who were once proud to dig into their pockets and pull out a wad of cash, now expect to find only a handful of guano. What’s next, you ask? I'll tell you what’s next. They’ ve bumped off the Mounties, that’s what. Remember back a long time ago when your dad came home from work and called the whole family into the living room for a meeting? He had stopped by the bank on the way home, cashed his paycheque, and, instead of giving the whole wad immediately to your mum, he said he had The birdie bucks stop here something special to show you. That something special was a vibrantly red $50 bill, And what made it special was that on the back was a circle of Royal Canadian Mounted Police — in the dome formation of their famous musical ride. Wow! There they were, all 32 of them, with pointy lances, standing on guard for thee. Remember how you couldn’t look at them long enough and you wanted to take them to bed and keep them under your pillow, and your dad said you couldn't because he had to trade them in for rent and groceries, and you cried, and he said not to worry because the Mounties would always be there, and you dried your tears because you felt good all over? He hed. On the new $50 bill, behind an inflated portrait of MacKenzie King, is the puffy white blob of a snowy owl standing on guard for thee. Big protection, eh? I’ve seen snowy owls perched on the side of a runway at our local airport. They watched jets land and never raised a feather. What if those jets were full of invading Commies or insidious drug smugglers here to comupt our children and lead them into lives of unusual sex and terrible violence? Who would you rather have at the side of the runway, 32 lance-wielding RCMP officers or Snowy the Owl? ; If you think that nuking the Force is the final step in currency debasing, you're wrong. Next up for conversion into birdie bucks are the $20, $100 and $1,000 bills. The back of our $20 bill depicts a rugged Canadian mountain scene — a place we're proud to show to those bombastic, Looney bashers from the south. Kiss it goodbye and get ready for ... what? A baby sparrow? And on those really big bills? Don’t be surprised to see a hummingbird and a bush tt. In the meantime, I think we should protest the Mounties disappearance. If you’ll just bundle up all the loose $50 bills in your homes and send them to me, I will, on your behalf, send a strongly worded letter to the Prime Minister. Someone has to do it. 1 CREAIVE a INTERIORS Let me Help You Create an Atmosphere You Feel at Home In! COMPLIMENTARY 1 HOUR [@onsuttarion. (| : 656-9676 Solftate OO RE-ROOFING KODIAK ROOFING SERVICES Your Roofing Specialists (locally owned and operated) I FIBERGLASS SHINGLES (the Best) 20 YR GUARANTEE lm CEDAR SHAKES & DUROID SHINGLES § POLYESTER MEMBRANE (REPLACES TAR & GRAVEL) RE-ROOFING & REPAIRS 384-2070 BRENTWOOD BAY COMMERCIAL & RESIDENTIAL SHOPPING CENTRE __MEMBER BBB SINCE 1983 dt Kents Cabinets and Furniture For a Free Estimate Call #6 - 10114 McDonald Park Rd. Shawn (1 Block from Slegg Lumber) ~ SIDNEY 655-0881 Proud of that old boat, are you? IF YOU’RE SAILING in vintage style, the Maritime Museum of British Columbia wants to hear all about your treasured craft. The museum has set up the Vintage Vessel Registry for boats more than 40 years old. Each boat must have been built in B.C. or spent the greater part of its life here. “This includes everything from small rowboats to classic double-ended fishing trollers, tug boats, yachts and ships such as the Princess Marguerite,” says a news release from the museum. The registry won’t include shipwrecks or replicas, and boat owners will receive a certificate and a burgee. Unique and particularly well-preserved vessels registered will be given special, heritage recognition. Museum executive _ director Doug MacFarlane has laid the groun- dwork, compiling information on more than 12,000 boats on the B.C. coast. Anyone with some stories to tell or boats to register should contact the maritime museum, 385-4222. kx Kk * MORE THAN 300 donors helped the Saanich Peninsula Hospitalraise $65,550 for medical equipment in 1989, says Marylouise Wakefield, director of development and community relations. The total represents ““a marginal increase” over 1988, she says in a news release. The hospital relies on public donations to fund an “‘ever- increasing need” for more equipment. “From a population base of approximately 40,000 on the Peninsula and surrounding communities, the hos- pital is hoping to greatly increase its base of support in the coming year,” the release says. Any person or group wanting to make donations should call Wakefield at 652-3911, local 101. * Kk O* COLUMNIST Hugh Nash (the guy above the seagull somewhere) mused a while back about wanting a divorce from Canada. And guess who bought republication rights? Victoria’s resident - separatist Douglas Christie. Hugh tells us a grueling bargaining session that took well over two seconds left him with a few extra pesos in his pocket. ALSO HITTING the marketplace with one of her products is kiwifruit-booster and Not Another Cooking Column writer Barb Bren- nan. She’s collaborated with Barb McGeough, a Vancouver interior designer, and Erna Smith, of the Queen Alexandra Hospital for Children, to create the Kiwifruit Collection Cookbook. The three ‘‘concocted, tested, discarded and revamped”? kiwifruit recipes to come up with creations as diverse as salsa and shortcake, crepes and spinach salad, all using the sweet and tangy little wonder in the brown skin. An initial press run of 5,000 hits local shelves of Tanners, Muffet and Louisa, and Sunflower Health Foods. The book, illustrated by McGeough, is about 100 pages long. Distribution starts in B.C. and Alberta. What feeling follows the more than a year of work? 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