; G&A == PPC Ol assess vanesapovy Opinion The real story of the fabled Highland Haggis EDITOR’S NOTE: The fol- lowing contribution from one of our readers is designed to help you put a little extra culture in your haggis, this Robbie Burns night, Jan. 25. by Peter J: Hedge Special to The Review The Antonine Wall, named after the Roman Emperor Antonius Pius, was built between A.D. 144 and 190. Constructed out of turf and less impressive than the mighty, stone Hadrian’s Wall, it was manned between the Forth and the Clyde in an effort to keep the warlike Scots out of Britain. - Although there was a truce of sorts between the Romans and the Scots, it was frequently broken by both sides and it was during one of these incursions that the gentle, peace-loving Highland Haggis eared its rightful place in Scottish history. The Romans — who had secretly massed several thousand troops south of the wall — launched their attack on Jan. 1, 176 A.D. The attack was totally, without provocation and in direct violation of the peace agreement signed by Gnaeus Julius Agricola (Roman Governor of Britain) one hundred years before. The Scottish troops were caught completely unawares (the Romans had chosen the day very carefully) and it was only by sheer luck that they managed to repel the first assault. Outnumbered, the befuddled Scots immediately shelved their own clannish differences and formed a “council of war.” Under the leadership of Phil McCafferty, one of the nicest Chieftains ever to have lived, a daring and brilliant counter offensive was evolved. Under the cover of darkness the Scottish troops set about collect- ing Highland Haggis, which at that time were very common in the area. Then, working in threes, they fed the docile creatures partially fermented oats and barley. By first light the Scots were ready. Around them lay an arsenal of 10,000 freshly loaded Haggis (Haggai is the technically correct plural but I will continue to use the more popular name) and 20 feet- operated Ballistas. On the wall, crouched ready to leap down and launch the brave, bloated, innocent Haggis into the enemy were pairs of the largest Scots, their arms about each others shoulders for maximum effect. It was then that the Romans attacked for their second — and last — time. Picture the scene if you can. From out of the mist in disciplined Squares of x by x came the Romans, their Centurian voice loud and clear, “Sinister. . :. Dexter ... Sinister... Dexter...” On the wall, kilt-clad, red-bearded (and eyed) giant Scots awaiting the command. And then it came... The first salvo of Haggis was a direct hit and took out rows iv and vii of the. vth Roman square. Shaken but undaunted, they. marched on. Adjusting the trajectory of their Ballistas (one enormous plus one tiny Scotsmen instead of two extra large) the defending army. fired again. The battle of the Boing, as it ~ became known, was a complete — victory for the less well equipped but more imaginative Scots. Within minutes, confused, con- founded and totally disorganized by the exploding Haggis the Romans tumed and fled. But victory had not come with- out its costs. As the jubilant Scot- tish Engineers set about detonating the numerous unexploded Haggis that littered the battlefield the realization of what they had done sank in: out of a total wild popula- tion of 10,000 Haggis, only six remained unloaded. * * *x - your Jum reck!” .. . It is from this “original” six —three male three female — that the modem day Highland Haggis is descended. Far more aggressive than its pre-Roman ancestor; it also has an uncontrollable liking for malt whiskey — for over two centuries, grateful Scots weaned new-bome Haggis on a mixture of Goats’ milk and Drambuie (1 part to 10) — which, inspite of the anti-Haggis bashing bill passed in 1797, has made it easy prey for the poacher. The mating season of the High- land Haggis is extremely short — May 1 to 2 — but it is during this period that the patience of the true Haggis watcher may be rewarded. It takes the male haggis 364 days to recover from the previous year’s encounter and pluck up the cour- age to seck its mate but once it has, its romantic cry can be heard echoing across the heathland as it hotly pursues its, “ain true love,” through the heater, gorse, thistle and stinging-nettle (another legacy of the Roman occupation) scream- _ing at the top of its voice: “Och! Ma Conokies! Och! Ma Conok- -ies!” Indeed, it is from this plaintive cry that the scientific name of the Highland Haggis — Haggisimus Conokitis — (itis being Greek for inflammation of) stems. So, had it not been for poor timing, the humble Haggis and not the thistle would now be the emblem of Scotland. But that’s the way life goes. As an unknown Scottish poet once put it: “fir d’ye ken da Haggis a mochen lakken, a toemby detal 0” konnen vakken!” which, to date, no-one has been able to translate and probably accounts for him remaining unknown. Drive carefully all you Burns’ night celebrators and: “Lang may which is translatable. Vancouver Harbor. MOORED IN SAANICH Inlet last week was a freighter, caught here silhouetted against an afternoon sun. Ocean-going freighters often use the Inlet for fempo- rary moorage until space becomes available in the GLENN WERKMAN photo Continued from Page A18 $18 billion as compared to $24 billion — will be made up through a number of questionable changes. For example, Wilson has elimi- nated plans to compensate small businesses $600 per year to help offset the costs of collecting the GST which will average $1,400- $2,000 per year. Instead, business owners will receive a one-time credit of $1,000. This move, says Bulloch, is just another part of the government's broader public: relations: strategy. W& “Wilson is hoping to buy the support of small business people with the $1,000 credit up front,” he said. “The complexities of the GST, however, make support a virtual impossibility.” For Wilson, this entire exercise has been a debacle from start to 5 finish and, as a result, his own #& credibility has been smashed ~ beyond repair. And at this point, the only thing im worse shape is his tax. Bs Continued from-Page A21- Week, sports, minor league hockey action from the Panorama Arena. Host Scott Earle calls the action. Thursday, Jan. 18 6 p.m., Keep Fit With Kathi, low impact aerobics. 6:30 p.m., Regimental Memo- ries, Part 5, A nine-part documen- tary on the history of the Royal Canadian Regiment as related by RCR (Vancouver Island) Associa- tion members. 7:30 p.m., Sports Desk, a look at the minor league sports scene in Victoria. = 8 p.m., The Helen Sims Show, cooking, shrimp fetuccine and _ Grande Mamier souffle with Mark 3 Baim from the Smuggler’s Cove* restaurant. 8:30 p.m., Special Report, trans teal portation update, Princess Mar- guerite and the Esquimalt & Nan- aimo Railway. 9 p.m., Camosun Today, Variety, . Women . . . look what Camosun College has for you. Schedule subject to change, watch Cable 11 for detailed lig: Ings. DRAWING ATTENTION TO his fight against the Town of Sidney in regards to. a sewage back-up problem that ruined his basement is Epco Drive resident Mike Paul son. Despite cold and wet weather, Paulson paraded up and down Beacon Avenue Thursday, handing out information about a problem he says the town is taking no responsibility for. Paulson said others have faced the same problem but found it was foo expensive fo sue — the town. He vows not to give up. GLENN WERKMAN photo For week ending Dec. 30 Here’s how, Bud Smith explains Attorney-General Bud Smith told Ottawa last week how it could shave a few dollars off its budget and do Canadians a service in the process. Smith urged the federal govern- ment to merge the Federal Court of Canada with the provincial supe- rior courts in conjunction with a proposed reduction of the federal ~ budget. “Merging the Federal Court into the existing superior courts of each province will save money and improve service to citizens of B.C. and all other provinces,’ Smith said in a letter to federal Treasury Board president Robert de Cotret. An estimated $80 million would be saved right off the bat by scrapping the proposed new Fed- eral Court of Canada building in Ottawa, Smith said. Zero wasie Some years back, a European forestry delegation visited a log- ging site in British Columbia and observed that it could make mil- lions with the stuff _our forest companies leave behind after log- ging. It appears the government has, at long last, taken that comment to - heart. Forest Minister Claude Richmond said last week a new “7ero-waste tolerance’ policy for timber harvesting in the Interior will be in place by May 1. A “no-waste” policy for the coast was introduced last year. Richmond said the policy means that all logs must be taken off the site or the company will be charged for the volume wasted. ““All waste must be measured and if useable wood is left on the ground, the company will pay for that wood and the volume will be charged against the annual allowa- ble cut,” Richmond said. —< Outdoors bonanza. There’s money in them thar hills, or so it seems to Dave Parker, minister of Crown lands. Parker last week announced a study to _ identify new business opportu: ties for outdoor recreation in the Whistler-Pemberton area, north of -— Vancouver. The study will be con- ducted by: Ethos Consulting Ltd., a. private-sector firm. The study will focus on com- mercial opportunities covering lands in the Whistler-Pemberton area. It will take into consideration: - existing land use and future land-" use conflicts. Potential activities” include ski-touring, hiking and ~ snowmobiling. = “Development is possible with > : out conflict or sacrifice. Research: and planning for effective, sensi- tive land use are the first steps in achieving that end,” said Parker.