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Page four THE SIDNEY AND ISLANDS REVIEW AND SAANICH GAZETTE, FEBRUARY 13, 1916 oe See ae tS ee ee my
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THE PEDESTAL

By MORLEY ROBERTS

It by no means surprised John Haddon
to be runz= up by Milly Foster since he
had been sure for a lone time that she had

not been getting on with Jim.
“Come at once,” said Haddon, and in
less than half an hour Milly was received

by the solicitor’s clerks with the particu-
lar consideration for a lady which is char-
acteristic of an office chiefly concerned
with matters of divorce. Haddon shook
his head as he shook hands with her.

“Why do you do that?” she asked as she
Sat down.

“When a woman with a face like yours
and a figure that Pheidias would have
found few faults with comes to see an old
friend without caring how she looks I am
inclined to shake her as well as my head,’
Said Haddon smiling.

“It's been wicked of me not to come
and sse you and Margaret,” sighed Milly,
“but Tye, not the heart to go anywhere.’

“A woman, as aforesaid, and under
thirty, without the heart to go anywhere
needs a doctor or a drubbing,” said Had-
don. ‘Who is it? Tell me all about her”

“Her?” asked Milly blankly.

“Yes.” said Waddon, “is it a Mabel?
Tye had a great run on Mabels as co-res-
pondents lately. Last term it was Fannies
who did the mischief’

“I don't kmow about any such person,”
said Milly hautily, “but I almost wish
there was one.”

“Then is it all Jim, as I really thought?”
asked Haddon. “‘But now I come to lool
at you I see you haye’nt the divorce air.
You're thinking of a separation, no more
than that?”

“IT dont imoyw what I’m thinking of, but
he—he doesn t—that is, he isn’t what he
used to be!” Said Milly, twisting her out-
oi-date gloves into a rope.

“The courts don’t take cognizance of
minor marital disasters,’ said Haddon,
“de minimis non curat lex, which means
that in the diyorce court romantic love is
iS ap irrelevent detail.
beat you?”

“Dont be ridiculous, Jack,’ said Milly.
“Tm -yery miserable.”

“Yes! And your maid ought to be
whipped for letting a, pretty woman come
out like that,” said Haddon as he leant
forward and took her gloves away from
her. “Are these gloves or what?”

“I don’t care how TI look,” said Milly,
“nor does Jim. He's always asleep on the
sofa!” :

“Anh, that’s the pedestal your hero oc-
cupies new! Then there’s no Mabel or
Fannie,’ said Haddon.

“T don't get two words 2 day with him,”
said Milly.

“1s that why you were crying at break-
fast?”” asked Haddon.

“I wasn’t. It—it was after breakfast!
Oh, just because—it’s not what it was,”
mioaned Milly. ~.

—Tt meyer is,” said Haddon cheerfully.
“And what's more it never was as it was
befere.””

“T don’t in the least understand,” said
Milly. :

“Wo!,, said Haddon.
Margaret.”’

“Ah, you're both wonderful,” said Milly
sadly.

“She's quite terrible at times,”
Margaret's husband pensively. aa Fa
once had a sofa. She sold it!”

“Sold your sofa! What did you do?”

“Sat in a beastly chair,’ said Haddon.
“Through suifering the poets sine and hus-
bands do their duty to a talkative wife.’

“Now take me and

Said
too,

“T don’t believe it.” said Milly. “\Wwhy,
you're an ideal couple.’
“Ear rrom it,’ said Hadden. “When I

ee quarried 1 committed myself to the ridicu-

a esa Maddon. <

Jous statement that I meyer should love
anyone elss. Now she knows its my hanit,
and that it keeps me from buying another

Sofa. And she insists en dining out with
mee
“Jim simply won't,” said Milly. “He

says our cook’s a genius.”’

“To overfeed a husband is to destroy
@ man.” sighed Haddon. “Get rid of her.
Or give her a holiday to nurse her dying
great-erandfather.””

“Jim would be yery angry,’ said Milly.

“Ah, to be weak is ihe true misery,”
You let the pocr fellow

have 13s own way. I b you don’t
owe your dfessmaker a
oT dentt and won't!”

“J live by men and +
ing their bys: aS
thoush J exsss

it st
them break. ie
Sa eN ty assem, =a
“Their business!” said Baddon. “But
coire, I neyer give advice till I have
turned a client inside out. TI often-dis-

cover that those who complain most are
he most to blame, and by bringin= home
@ sense of domestic sin to the indiznant
husband or to the outraged wife I earn
my costs and the united dislike of a re-
united couple for knowing all they told
me. When do you quarrel?”

“We don*t;” said Milly, ‘at
exactly.’

“T see,” said Haddon. “You don’t break
crockery and he doesn’t beat you. But J
know you sit opposite each other at a time
of day which invites disaster. I can
your expression and his. My dear, yeu ac-
tually have breakfast together!”

“We do, of course,” said Milly.

“Most divorces can be traced to that
English habit,” said Haddon shaking his
head. “It should be put down by law, and
especially discouraged by the Church. The
clergsy waste their time when they mizht
abolish the breakfast that leads to misery.
By advising breakfast in bed, or at Jeast
in solitude, I have done more for morality
than a dozen bishops. Jim’s not to blame.
it’s you!”

aq pi
mean?’

“I tell you again that you don’t know
your business, said Wadden severely,
“You think that you’ye nothing to learn,
that being a avife ought to be an easy job.
Tis not; if never will be. By your con-
duct you'ye made a husband out of an
otherwise attractive man! You and your
cook have raised his weight and lowered
his morale till the boy I knew of eleven
stone weighs fourteen. sleens on the sofa
to the soporific strains of uncomprehended
fugues and arises in the morning with in-
digestion and a silent glare for the most
dangerous mieal of the day. It’s dread-
ful to see what sheer ignorance can do.
When I married I was thirteen stone. Now

least not

see

Said Milly. “What do you

im twelve: That's my wife. I used to
sleep after dinner. Now I don’t. That's
my wite. I wanted to dine at home, and

did for six months. Now i don’t. That's

But stay, does Jim

‘rearet. I'm naturally lazy. But for
Margaret I should have been sixteen stone
and stone-broke in ten years. I urged her
to Save Money. In reply she brought me
a dressmalter’s bill which made me work.
Im now rich and active. What have you
to show against that?’’

“I—T really don’t know,” said Milly.

4 fat cross husband,” said Haddon re-
morselessly. “And you might be a poetess
from the look of you! But you are still
beautiful. I don’t mind telling you sp,
though you've never made Jim Say it for
years.”

“How—how do you know that?” asked
Jim’s wife.

“Margaret taught me,” Said Haddon.
“And as for your hat, all I can Say for it
is that it hides vour hair which I believe
you do for yourself. And you ean’t!”

“Oh, Jack, you are a brute,” said Milly.

“So you actually let your poor ovyer-
Wived, mishandled hushand sleep after din-
ner, and glare at breakfast, and never
shed a tear or throw things at him?”
asked Haddon.

“I won't play feminine triclts,”” said Mil-
ly scornfully.

“We shall be hearing next of a moral
Bengal tiger who won't use his claws, and
keeps his testh clean with hay and oats,”
Said Haddon. “What the deuce do you
Suppose Providence or WNature invented
feminine tricks for but to keep us poor
men going, to preserve us from Chester-
fields and obesity?”

“Oh,” said Milly, “IT never thought
of that. Do you mean that we were meant
by heayen ay

“I know more of divorce than divinity,”
said Haddon.

“Meant by heaven to use—to use 2

“The infernal tricks you have by na-
ture? Why, if heaven has half the sense
of a common member of Parliament, it
certainly did; but you've let poor Jim, for
Whom I’ve the sreatest sympathy, run to
seed. Come now: if you're wise, all is not
lost! Take my advice and be eoldly cal-
leus to his rase when he finds you have
Sacked the cook, sold his sofa, taken to a
Solitary breakfast and to dining out with-
out him every night of the week.’

“He'll hate me.” said Milly.

“That's part of the cure.”’ said Haddon.
“How else do you SUBpPOSe you can recover
the loyer you’ye made into a husband?
You shall ask Margaret’s opinion.”

“I—T will,” said Milly.

“Come home with me now,” saiq Had-
don reachine for his hat. “And after
juneh you shall ¢o out with Margaret and
start dress reform on the wildest basis of
extravagance. Then back to us for din-
ner and a theatre. And you shall ‘phone
to Jim that you're staying with us for
the nicht.’’

“Jim comes home to lunch,”
Milly. “He wen’t lunch alone.
phone to him now?”

“Most certainly not.’ said Haddon. “I’m
your legal adviser. You shall do nothinz

urged
Can't “I

of the sort! Come!”
* = *. * >=
“Hello! > Yes. Who's
that? I'm Mr. Haddon. Who
are you? Can’t hear.

To be sure. Jim Foster! Yes, old chap.

I can see you at 3:30. - ONO} dm-—
possible! Will 44: dio?
Rizht.”

“So its taken just three weeks to work
him up,” said Maddon as jie hunz up the

receiver with a satisfied smile. “Ssless
me, Milly has gone the pace! f{ hardly

thought it was in her.”’

A little before 11 Jim Foster made fis
appearance in the outer office. anid after
waiting ten minutes, which he oceupied
in showing Haddon’s clerics all the usual
signs of the endangered husband, he was
admitted to see his wife's adviser.

“Well, what's wrone2” asked Hadron.
“You're as haggard a fat man as ever i
saw!”

“Fat?’’ said Jim Foster indignantly.
“What the devil do you mean?”

“Well, aren't you fat?’* demanded the
solicitor, wallane round him.

“Good lord, she alwavs said she’d leave
me if I got fat!” gasped Foster, turning
as his old friend tried to inspect him on

all sides.
“She? Who? Be coherent, Jim,” said -
Haddon. “Is it Mabel?”

“Mabel be damned!
niean my wife,”
she said it!”

“Obesity is cruelty,’ said Haddon.
you go to sleep after dinner,’

“Sometimes,” said Jim, sitting down
heavily.

Who is Mabel? T
said Jim. “Years ago

“Do

“That's desertion,” said Haddon. “But
what's the trouble?”

“Tt’s—it’s Milly,” said Jim mopping
his brow. “She used to say 22,

“What?”

“That she’d run away if I went to sleep
after dinner. Wo, no; but she’s—-she’s
changed so. She won’t even come down
to breakfast with me! T 28

“Suspect something?” su
don.

“Wouldn't you if—if your wife chang-
ed!” asked Jim_

If Margaret didn’t change her frocks
three times a day I shonld Suspect she
Was mad,” said the solicitor.

“Frocks! My dear chap, Milly has had
fifteen new ones in—in ifree weeks!”

“That looks like a new passion, I own,”
said Haddon. “She used to be so dowdy.”

gezested Had-

“Dowdy? No, quiet.”

“Not quiet! Dowdy,” returned Haddon
firmly.

“And hats! Good lord!” said Jim. ‘7

Swear I never saw so many hats in my life
as I found on her bed yesterday.”

“Whom do you suspect?’’ said Haddon.
“A hatter?”’

“A hatter? What the devil do you mean?
And she stays out late and says she goes
to the theatre. But I remember tio la-
dies who said they did, and didn’t.”

“You were a sad dog years ago,” said
Haddon. “Be frank. You don’t love her
any more, do you?”’

Jim bounced to his feet.

“TY adore her. T eoyldn’t live without
her.”’

“TJ hear that twice a week,’ said Hea-
don, “and they all marry asain. Make
up your mind for the worst!” ;

“II believe you know something,”
Said Jim glaring. “Who is he? It cut
his damned throat—from ear to ear.’

“I can’t tell you. I Jearnt the name
professionally,” said Haddon, “but he's a
good chap at hottom, and I believe he's do-
ing all he can to eet rid of her.’

“Then—then he doesn’t Jove her!”
gasped Jim.
“How do I know?” asked Haddon. ‘He

neglects her grossly.”

JOHN BLUE, Edmonton

H. A. ALLISON, Calgary
HON. GEO. A. BELL, Regina
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GEO. M. REID, London

BRITISH COLUMBIA . . . .
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PRINCE EDWARD) ISLAND. . .

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For Information
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ADDRESS NEAREST OFFICE

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GC H M S Letters addressed to “‘Secretary, War-Savings Committee..... 2”
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ene

Neglects her? Then—then it's only
infatuation on her part? A passin= in-

fatuation?”

“It’s been going on for years,” said
Haddon.

“Years! Why she only changed a few

weeks ago! Till then she never went out,
and was contented to play for me———”

“While you snored in counterpoint,”
said the musical lawyer.

“She neyer wanted
urged Jim.

“Than your snores?’’ asked Haddon.

“And shé was so economical! I am too.”’
groaned the husband.

“So your tailor must think,” said Had-
don eyeing him severely.

“Don’t these things fit?’ asked Jim
looking at his trousers with the aifecticn-
ate ¢ye of a man who can’t part with his
clothes till they fall of him. “But what
am I to do? I’m losing weifht! Tm ne-
glecting my business!
pensible I'd enlist!
Army?”

“T can tell you nothing now,” said Had-
den, “but et

“Is he good locking?” asked Jim.

“He was once, but he’s degenerated
dreadfully,” said Haddon critically. “He's
as fat as you, and horrible to look at.”

“Don't be a fool,’ said Jim savagely.
“Tell me his namet”’ «=

“Keep awake and find out,’ said Had-
don. “And when you do yet

“T1I—l'll- knock bis ugly head off.” said
Jim clenching his fists.

“Being fat,” said Haddon, “you’d be a
fair match fer him.”

“I’m not fat,” said Jim angrily.

“You are fat,” said Haddon firmly, very
fat!”

“Ti—if the worst came to the worst
would he treat her decently?’’ groaned
Jim. “The whole thing is inexplicable!
What am I to do?”

“How long have you been married?”’’
asked Haddon.

“Seven happy years and three horrible
weeks,” said Jim miserably. “It was just
after the last anniversary that she turned
like this and sacked the cook aud sold my
sofa. Oh, it’s madness! I—I don’t know
what I said. But—but she laughed!”

“Did you mention the anniversary to
her by any chance?’’ asked Haddon.

“TT don’t think so,” said Jim.

“Yes. aren't they fools?”’ said Haddon.
“\When did you give her any flowers last?”

“J don’t quite remember,’ said Jimi.
“Ves, J do. It was just before we were
married.”

“Some very silly women actually like
them after marriage,” said Haddon,
“When did you last tell her that she was
prettier than when you married her?”

“Never,” said Jim. ‘‘Why, man alive,
she isn’t!”’

“And when did she tell you last that
you were a damned fool?” snorted Had-

anything else,”

Is—is the man in the

don. “‘What the deyil did you get mar-
risd for? What kind of a business man
are yeu? Dea you think being married

isn’t a business that you've got to know,
and do you imagine that a woman isn’t
something to lsarn far more tricky than
accounts of whatever silly trade has ob-
fuscated the brains you had once? You've
got no children. and yeur wife has a fat
map, in absurd trousers, on a sofa, in-
stead of the live one she contracted for
who knew the use of a flower shop. When
you leave home in the morning do you
turn round and wave your hand to her?*’

“She’s not a child,” urged Jim unhap-

Tf I wasn’t indis-

Start the New
Year Right

“pil.

“And you are,” said Haddon.

“Go home->
and court her.

Save her from the fat

man. Buy trousers, and when I say 7
trousers, I mean real trousers, not dis- By Going Over All Your Electric

torted, abortive, assymetrical, bulky bags!”
“Qh, do let my trousers alone,” roared <<

Jim. “But look here. [jj take your ad-
vice or—or some of jt!’*

“Then get out and begin,” said Haddon.
“Stop! Qne moment! Are you afraid of
your wife?”

“Afraid!
asked Jim.

SO: course I am, you idiot,” replied
Haddon. “Go home and chew over this
Saying, “Perfect love inspires abject fear.” ’

And Jim Foster went away in amaze-
ment, and as he walked down the street
he suddenly stepped.

_ “I—I believe he’s right,” he Said. I am
——am I fat??7

He got into a taxi and went straizht to
a medical friend of his in Harley Street.

“I say, old chap, do tel] me,” he said. =

B. C. Electric

“Horribly,” said the physician.
Light & Power Bept.

Fixtures and Replace All
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; Price 40 Cents each :
WATT SIZES

WE CARRY THE 25, 40 and 60
START THE NEW YEAR RIGHT

Aré you afraid of Margaret2”

“Il want to be thin. I must be thin!”
said Jim.

He went away a sadder and a wiser
man, and, taking another taxi, drove to
his tailor, who had become 2 Stranger.

I say, is there anything really wrong Beacon Avenue:

with these trousers?” he asked. = Bes
“These what, sir?’ asked the profes- : Sidney, V. 1.

sional. Z
“Trousers,”” said Jim, as chapfallen as W

a wet hen. : :
“They aren’t, sir,’ said the tailor Ive got it! Oh, Haddon!

grimly. 3 He fairly ran to the ’phone, and rang
“And my clothes generally?” demand- up the lawyer

ed Jim groaning. ~ Fen ie nies ms
“Coverings, sir, coverings,’ said the Is that Haddon?

from me! Do you—do you by any chance “Yes. Who are you?”

sleep in them, sir?”

When he got home with flowers he
found his wife was out, and had once
more to dine alone. But for the first time
in many months he deliberately dressed
for dinner. The exhausted Capacity of
his clothes:to bold him reminded him ev-
ery Moment of the dietary impressed upon
him by the man in Harley Street.

“T'll stick to it, if I die of famine,” said
Jim. He refused alcohol, and the sery= :
ants discussed their mistress on general the Dominion. The removal of United
Principles and shook their heads. So did States restrictions on flour also will extend
Jim when he found he couldn’t slesp. His to Ganada. =
head was amazingly clear. He began to See : : ere
think of the rival Haddon had spoken of. :
It was strange that Milly should fall in
love with a man of that description, very
Strange. What a queer chap Waddon was!
Confound him! After walking up and
down the solitary drawing room he went
with the flowers to his wife’s room. He
saw a photograph on the dressing tabie.

“Me!” said Jim. ‘As I was eight years
ago!’’

He looked at himself in the glass.

“A fat man!” said Jim. He put the-
flowers down.

Again he thought of Haddon. Surely
there had been a sort of satiric humor in
him as he talked!

“He seemed to think I was a fool,” said
tailor. “Where did you get them? Not
Jim, as his mind struggled with a half-
suggested solution of the problem. He
felt as if he were on the verge of discoy-
ering something very important.

“T am not a fool,” said Jim.
does it mean?”

He went downstairs again, and going
to his own den sat in a chair and dozed.
Perhaps he slept for ten minutes, but he
woke up with a start.

“Eh?” be said, “did I dream?

“Mrs. Fester’s lover, you old jackass,”
said Jim.

The Canada food board has just been
informed that field and-garden seeds have
been removed from the restricted export
list of the United States and that Amer-
ican shippers in future do not require li-
ceuses for shipments of seeds coming into

toed

“FOR SALE—FA? CATTLE, FAT VEAL,
PAT PIGS.—Apply, S. Fairclough, Coal
Island.

3

WANTHD—Any quantity of hard keep-
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Particulars of quality, price etc. to P.O.
Box 129, Victoria, B. GC.

TOR SALB—5-passenger Overland Car!
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cash or terms. Box 1, Review Office. 3

WANTED TO BUY—Automobile of any
4

“What

description; must be cheap. Box 1, Review
Office.

FOR SALE—Wine lot of young pigs, 6 }
and 7 weeks old. Apply Meadlands Farm...’

lips
LED

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