To‘ ear or not to ‘ear We give you a man with two ears Who fears that his ears draw no cheers. ~ Says he: “One’s enough : Cut the other one off” — For there’s only one voice that he hears. Dedicated to Canada’s Defense Minister Ralph Campney who recently ordered the army to scrap: his two-eared photo and’ use a new one-eared official issue. The Canadian Tribune’s cartoonist Avrom submits a third version for top brass consideration. By BOB WARD Santa Claus ‘unskilled labor’? UIC classification wrong again We SEE by the papers where : Unemployment Insurance Commission lists Santa Claus as “unskilled labor.” , This startling piece of information “Jeaked out,” as they say in diplomatic circles, from the Dictionary of Occupational Titles listed. by the powers that be of _ UIC. , The old white-whiskered gent is listed alphabetically in the UIC Dictionary between ‘“Sani- tary Tub Maker” and “Sapphire Stylus Grinder.” Both of these occupations are _ listed as “skilled.” : Santa, the “unskilled” worker *. has the following job descrip- ption: “Playing with and amusing children at Yuletide and dis- tributing gifts.” This, says Unemployment Insurance, is “unskilled” work. Which just proves, we fig- ure, how wrong UIC can be. Matter of fact we- would say whoever wrote the job des- criptien, and then titled it “un- skilled,” knows nothing what- soever about (a) playing with, (b) amusing children, and (c) distributing gifts. ; eee eee | Let’s take “playing with” children. ss This, citizens, requires not only skill; but agility, dexter- ity, flexibility, insensibility to /pain, a hide as tough as a OPEN FORUM Remember the dishwasher ANTON POPOWICH, Toronto: I have a genuine beef to make. It is that waiters and. wait- resses should share their tips with those ‘that help them to earn the tips, especially with the lower paid dish washers. Now, I’m a part time silver washer here in Torénto in one of the high class eating estab- lishments. I work only when they are forced to hire extra help on account of conven- tions. The part time workers at this place get 75 cents an hour, those on full time get over $1 an hour. Why this dis- crimination? We part time workers do the same kind of work, and do it just.as good. Now, if anybody needs a tip to stretch his pay it’s a part time dish washer and he de-’ serves them. But do dish washers get tips? Have you ever sent a tip out to a dish washer? You give a tip to a waitress either because you are | attracted by her beauty or be- cause she gave you quick, good and careful service. Would you give the waitress a tip if the plates had last week’s egg on them, or. there was a strange woman’s lipstick on the cup, or some kid’s bubble gum stuck between the fork prongs ? You wouldn’t tip any- one for a service like that, and who would blame you ? Should the waitresses and waiters share tips with us pearl divers ?. Yes, they should. They yell out, “Will one of you dish washers give me a hand with this box ?” or “Give me a hand “with this tray!” It’s always give me a hand with this or that. . If I give them a hand every time I’m asked, when do I get time to do the work I’m get- ting paid for? Don’t I have to work twice as hard and much faster to.make up for my lost time? If I ask them: to give me a hand it’s a different story. I’m to busy,’ she says, there’s Nancy, she'll give you a hand. Nancy is also busy. Then they turn around and say, “Will you give me a hand ~ with this tray of glasses?” Some day when I want to lose my job, I’m going right out into a dining room> and holler: at the top of my voice, “Hey, Daisy, come and give me a hand with a garbage can, will you?” : Lots of waiters and wait- resses just don’t think. Maybe if someone told them that they wouldn’t get tips without good dish . washing, they would re- member to tip a dish washer, ° or maybe not ask him to do so much besides washing dishes. .Then there’s the kind of wait- ress who thinks that calling me “lover” or “Casanova” puts the score straight. If sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me, then I think for dish washers this should be changed to “If sweetish names are kind- ly meant, please remember they won't pay my rent.” A dish washer is one of the main spokes in the whee,| just as important as the manager or the chef. Every’ dish washer deserves a share of the honors’ that are bestowed on chefs, and a share of the financial rewards bestowed on waitresses. Let high class res-- taurants try and serve meals on paper plates and customers will © soon get the idea that dish washers are important. Rather than eat off paper plates they will gladly tip the dish washers. Thanks for donations A.F., Vancouver, $2; T.S., North Burnaby, $5; C.Z., Van- couver, $10; N.C., Port Moody, $1.50; E.E., Vancouver, $1; P.S., Vancouver, $1.50; A. H. Edmon- ton, 50c; Mac-Pap Veterans, $5; Cc. J. C. Courtney, $6; W. B., Courtenay, $1; B.O., Cumber- land, $1; C.P., Spokane, $1; T.E., Fernie, -50c; K.J., Barriere, 50c;. O.R., Fulford Harbor, $1.50; S.K., Victoria, $1.50; J.G., Kam- loops, $1.50; S.Z., Powell River, $2.50; L.J.M., Prince Rupert, $1.50; D.W., Rutland, $1.50; J.L., Port Alberni, 50c; K.K.J., Salmon Arm, $1.50; W.C., New West- minster, $1.50; W.B., Vancou- ver, $2; E.L., Vancouver, 50c; B.J., Westview, $1; J.V., Cran- berry Lake, $5; - 3 J.W., Port Edwards, $1; K.Z., Vancouver, $10; E.J., Westview, $7; S.B., Cliffside, $1; T.B., Van- couver, $2; D.G.B., Cumberland, $1; S.A., Vancouver, $5; JL, Okanagan Mission, $1; B.G., Van- couver, 20c; G.A.N., Vancouver, $1; N.T., Vancouver, $2; L.L., De- vine, $1; E.0., Vanando, $1.50; J.H., Vancouver, 50c; J.L., Ok- anagan Mission, $1;.S.A., Alli- son Harbor, $8;- P.Z., Princeton, $1; P. K., Vancouver, $1.50; Friends, Lake Cowichan, $5; J.A.M., Duncan, 50¢; C.J.C., Courtenay, $1.50; M.K., Van- couver, $1.50; J.B., Vancouver, 50c; W.R., Vancouver, $1.50; J.A., North Burnaby, $1.50; D.M., Vancouver, $1; J.E.S., New Westminster, $2.50; A.G., Whon- © nock, $6.50; D.N., Pender Har- bor, $1.50; M.M., Vancouver, $10; M.L., Cranberry Lake, $2; Friends, Powell River, $6.50; _ F.A.N., New Westminster, $6.50; W.M., Princeton, $1.50. rhinoceros, stability, a hard head, and a long stick. The long stick, we have learned from bitter experience, is for when we are finally. worn out. Aided by the stick we can lay on the floor and flail about at small children who’ve only just begun to play. Then take the Santa Claus requisite, “amusing thildren.” This, fellow-raisers-of-small- children, is an art requiring the artiest, artfullest and artistically artiest, artistry possible of possession. Let’s take a peep at some of the small-type tykes that Santas have to “amuse.” Horace L. Bigbotham Jr., age 4, has been told that Santa’s whiskers ain’t really his. He climbs up onto the red-suited one’s lap and before Santa can utter a “HO, HO,’ Horace has grabbed his whiskers; poking the Yulish gent in the eye in the attempt. : Santa, the “unskilled” work- er, has to “amuse” this poten- tial juvenile delinquent. Next. visitor is Ulysses E, Flabberghast, age 3. Ulysses is at an age when every ‘shin is target for today. He walks up to Santa’s throne. and kicks him with a_ well-directed size 8 orthapoedic shoe with a steel toe-plate right in the shin. “Ho, Ho, Ho,” Santa the “un- .skilled” is supposed to roar. Then comes Bubbles Bubble- bath, age 6. Bubbles doesn’t be- lieve in Santa Claus. “I saw you kissing my mummy last year,” she stage whispers so 'that everyone in the downtown area can hear. “I know you, you're really my daddy.” And this type of thing goes on and on for: weeks and weeks before Christmas. x x sed Through it all Santa, the “un- - skilled,” is supposed to chuckle, guffaw, ho, ho, ask the kids if they’ve been ,good little monsters, smile, keep his whis- kers in place, jiggle small bums up and down on his knee and hum Christmas carols. This, the UIC definer ‘says, is “unskilled” work. Then we go to the question of distributing gifts. Here is truly an illustration of how UIC goofed in a manner which surpasses all previous goofs. For if’ever skill was required on a job, “distributing gifts” surely falls within this cate- gory. Consider how much gifts cost this year! . ‘Consider how little money ‘we have to buy same with! Consider the list, long as our arm, of gifts to be bought! .guilty of scab-herding during Consider the number of re- latives we've acquired over the years! And then consider “dis- tributing gifts” having first con- sidered all of the considerations that lead up to the job. Gadzooks, citizens, how “un- skilled” does a body have to be. Rivage