a |
The way
I see it...

1990 is upon us. New Year’s
Eve is almost here, the parties
are planned, and a new decade
will begin soon. Christmas is
over again, the kids are still ex-
cited, and a magical feeling still
hangs in the air, But do you
know what’s ruining all these

_ holiday thoughts? January.
Ugh, I hate January. | hate
January with a passion. There’s
no redeeming qualities about
January. No major holidays
after New Year’s, biting cold
weather, and no spring in sight.
The Visa bills are up, the tem-
perature is down. No, I’! never
make it through January,

] won’t make it, I'll never
survive January. The driveway
will need to be shoveled for the
32nd time, the.car will be
frozen, the kids will have colds,
it will always be dark, and [ll
go mad. They’!l find me laying
in the driveway, stuck to the
frozen ashphalt, maybe covered
by the i ice from the passing
snowplow... heres

The worst of i it is, “that after”

— January, there’s still February
to live through, which is not
much of an improvement, I
always have great hopes for
February weather-wise, but it’s
usually no different. Besides,
Ill never get through January.

January drags on forever. By
January, that new winter coat ©

hibernate.

__ by Stephante Wiebe |

looks old and dingy. It gets so
tiring putting on boots, scarves
and gloves to go anywhere.
Why bother dieting? You won’t
look thin in January, wearing
50 pounds of outer clothing.
The snow looks dingy, the’sky
is grey, it’s always dark. Have
you heard of the depressive
syndrome that scientists believe
is caused by lack of direct sun-
light? Well, the scientists are
wrong, it’s not just the lack of
light, it’s January and every-
thing about it. I could stand
under a sunlamp all day, but it
would still be January and
depressing.

I think everyone should take
a month off this year. Because
of our northern weather condi-
tions and the ensuing depres-
sion after Christmas, the
government should support us -
all, to ensure we make it .
through to the spring thaw.
Maybe even supply us with |
tickets to Hawaii or Palm .

... Springs, Sure, jt's a.great idea. 7
Vil draw up the petitions right

away.
Except I don’t really have

‘the energy. The thought of fac-

ing a month of January just
drags me out. Maybe I’Il get
around to it in February. Or
March.

Now I know why bears

e

Established May 1, 1985
The Terrace Review Is published
_ gach Wednesday by
Close-Up Business Services Ltd.

- ‘ _. Piblisher:
Mark Twyford
Editor:
Michael Kaelly
.... Staff Reporters:
) <. Tod Strachan, Betty Barton
Advertising Manager:
- Marj Twyford
Typesattin
Carrie Olsen
Production Manager:
Jim Hall
Preduction:
_ Charles Costello, Gurbax Gill,
Ranjit “Nizar, Surinder Deol
Office:
_ Carrie Olson
_ Accounting:
i Marj Twyford, Harminder K. Dosanjh

Pog geno

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_, servicing costs. .
-* @ In the depths of the central Pacific oo

- with both salmon and sharks, a a
nuclear submarine of unidentified na-

HERE WE Go AGAIN»

This is the week for reflecting on

the triumphs and misdeeds of the past —

year — or in this particular. year,
those of the past decade if you’ve got
the memory for.it — and working-on |
a constructive attitude toward the im-
" minent 12 months. Here at the Review
we are sometimes known to fall into
brief reveries centering around the
kinds of news stories we would like to
write as an antidote for the reality of
some of the stories that we have to
write. .
Herewith we present a selection of.
news items the editorial staff looks
forward to covering in 1990. _

This is not to be confused with the

sort of ‘‘prediction’? pieces frequently .
seen just prior to the néw year in other-

wise reputable news publications,
pieces which we regard as. unprofes-
sionally speculative in nature.”

@ While on a weekend walking tour
of a local drinking establishment to
remind patrons there is an orderly
world outside, two Terrace RCMP
detachment members capture General
Manuel Noriega. The Generalissimo
puts up no resistance, explaining that.
being from a banana republic he feels .
quite at home in Canada. The Terrace
detachment claims the $1 million’

:- bounty offered Dec. 21 by U.S. presi-'

dent George Bush and establishes a
trust fund-to relieve the city of over-

time costs associated with members’

non-evidence court appearances. Ot-

tawa declines extradition, deciding in-
stead on a bold new project to mirror
the Museum of Civilization, establish-

' ing on the opposite river bank of
Museum of Barbarism with Noriega
as the big drawing card.

@ Federal Finance “Minister Michael ©
Wilson manages to get the legislation

launching the Goods and Services Tax.

through the House of Commons, but
due to the undetected whimsicality of
a junior typing clerk who prepared the
bill, the tax can only be applied dur- .
ing periods of clear weather. Local
land prices go through the roof with
the sudden demand brought on by im-
migrants from the east seeking a GST-
free zone, fortunes are made over-
night, an influx of merchants creates
one continuous retail strip between
Terrace and Kitimat, the Bank of
Canada cuts interest rates to an all-
time low in response to the plummet-
ing housing market in Toronto, and
the federal deficit is paid off in one
year due to the reduction in debt-

Ocean at a feeding ground popular

tionality sinks without loss of life.

The resulting low-level radioactivity
effects a remarkable transformation.
When the new “hammerhead steel-

head’’ return to the Skeena River =

commercial fishermen discover that _
the ferocious game fish go through. ..
their nets like a dose of salts. A new —

: Fishing’? —

= _ tion, providing another. chapter i in’
-: © economic diversification.
._- @A failed experiment in a local under-

_ ground drug laboratory, probably due
“sto short-term memory loss on the part -

~ of justice and equality.

tourism industry — ‘Adventure Sport .
springs up, with guides
getting danger pay. Loggers are forced
_to respect the buffer zones around
‘spawning streams as a matter of: per-
‘sonal safety. Robert Benchley turns -

_. the mutation into.a best-seller, and —
the production company that picks: up -

the movie rights to the originaland
the sequels demand shooting on loca- vo

of the. experimenter, accidentally
results in the invention of Fog

_- Repellant. The Airport Advisory .

Committee tells the Minister of ©
Transport what to do with his Micro-,
wave Landing System, and Terrace. ..
becomes an established refuelling stop
-for international flights that want a
nice place to land. The convicted

_chemist.is sentenced to a life term as

the public relations head for BCBC’s
project to relocate'the Terrace Correc-.
tions Centre. |!
@ As the result of an election called
for April 1, British Columbians get SY
“their first Premier in 15 years who is es

able to pronounce the name of the

province correctlyi:..cveu ous Bie: fe | .
@ Ina burst of frustration ‘and

- creativity prompted by.what one. ~ oe

‘alderman-terms ‘‘those fat ravens”’,
Terrace city council amends its anti-

littering bylaw to replace fines with a

‘new penalty. Individuals convicted of
throwing trash on the street are sub-
ject to a maximum sentence of one
‘hour’s time picking up litter i in 1 public
areas. ©
@ Anyone who is rude to tourists is
ordered to seek SuperHost counsell-
ing. Rude tourists asking the way to -
Alaska are directed up the Nass Road.
@ The Ministry of Education adjusts
its Pacific Rim Initiative focus to
reflect reality, and a group of Terrace
exchange students spend the summer
in Wrangell, Alaska.

- @ At year’s end, in summarizing the

previous 52 issues of the Review, we
find that the conflicts over land use
and resource allocation, and tensions
between the various and diverse ideas

“of. our society held by special interest

and political groups, have brought us:
closer to a consensus on the concept ©

.We'll.be back next year,