Alice in -Justiceland | “I beg pardon, | am not guilty of anything.“ : Y are those men locked up es: in that awful bullpen?” ask- ,ed. Alice, a sympathetic tear in her eye. . “They’ve been guilty of free speech,” the White Knight ex- plained “Don’t tease me,” Alice plead- ed. free speech.” * “Who said they’d been charged with free speech?” demanded the ‘White Knight. “They are not charged with anything of the sort. Free speech is only what they’ve been guilty of.” “Well, then,” Alice protested, “what is the charge against ‘them?” _ “They’re charged with being vagrants.” “But they aren’t -vagrants,” Alice protested. “Of course not. But you can’t ‘deny that they are guilty of free “{ thought a tramp was the only person who could be charg- ved with vagrancy,” Alice insist- ed. ' “How naive you are!” said the White Knight scornfully. “Tramps ‘are never charged with vagrancy.” * “What are they charged with, then?” Alice inquired. ‘ “With burglary.” “But they aren’t necessarily guilty of burglary.” “Perhaps not. But they are guilty of vagrancy. And, if you give them the proper treatment, they'll plead guilty to anything. (ve got you there!” said the White Knight triumphantly. e “Well then,” Alice resumed, after she had thought a while, “am I to understand that, if you are guilty of one thing, you are -aecused of something else?” “J beg pardon,” replied the Knight haughtily, “I am_ not ‘guilty of anything.” “Tf used the word ‘you’,” Alice explained, “only because one gets confused if one uses ‘one’ in one’s “You can’t be charged with “Objection overruled and sen- tence confirmed!” thundered the White Knight. “Answer yes or no!” “Answer yes or not to what?” inquired Alice. “To the charge.” : “But I’m not charged with any- thing,” Alice pleaded. . “Perhaps not, but you will be if you aren’t careful.” “Why?” asked Alice. “Because you have shown an interest in men accused of a crime.” : “But that’s no crime,” Alice remonstrated. “Not a crime exactly, but it can be officially inconvenient,” the Knight explained. “J hope you won’t get vexed with me,” Alice ventured apolo- getically. “I’m really quite in- terested in this system and I’d like to know more about it,” “You’d better choose your words more carefully,” the Knight said warningly. “You sound like a sympathizer. If I thought you were, I'd be compelled, as a pat- riotic. citizen, to have you arrest- ed on a charge of resisting ar- rest.” “But I haven’t resisted arrest,” Alice objected. “Tf a policeman tried to arrest you on a charge of resisting ar- rest, wouldn’t you protest?” the White Knight asked. “Of course.” “You see — you're guilty al- . ready!” é “Let’s change the subject,” said Alice, just a bit exasperated. “Who is the man sitting in that double-barred cell?” “That,” replied the White Knight, “is a Dangerous Crimin- ai” “Oh!” exclaimed Alice, start- led. “Did he kill somebody?” “Oh, no. He’s more dangerous than that. He’s a Thinker.” “But is it a crime to think?” asked Alice. “You don’t seem to get the idea at all,” expostulated the White “My dear child, everybody is innocent of something.” Knight impatiently. “It’s a crime to obstruct traffic.” “Did he obstruct traffic?” Alice inquired. ‘ “No, but he declared it was ridiculous for a judge to drive to court in an intoxicated condi- tion, and fine men for drunken driving.” “T don’t see what that has to do with obstructing traffic,” Alice argued. “That’s the beauty of it — it hasn’t anything to do with it, which makes it all the easier to get a conviction.” “The whole system,” said Alice, “looks cockeyed.” “Nothing of the sort,” replied the Knight. “It’s very sensible. ‘Knight solemnly. If you hate your neighbor as you love yourself, you don’t charge him with being a hateful person. You call the police and tell them his automobile is parked without a tail light. That’s our system in a nutshell, only we carry it a step farther. _.We don’t have to prove that the tail light was .out — only that it might have gone out. By the same line of reasoning, people might gather in groups to discuss the suggestion that a drunken judge should not sen- tence drunken drivers and they might obstruct traffic.” “Tt all seems predicated on the word ‘might’,” observed Alice. said the White “Might makes right. You see. It’s like this: It’s much easier to convict a man of something he didn’t do than to prove that what he was doing was acrime For example, if a man was handing out union literature, we charge him with littering the streets. If he was picketing, we charge him with loitering. If he’s a radical, we charge him with be- ing a bootlegger. If he writes a book on economics that we don’t agree with, we arrest him on a charge of obscenity. If he thinks a worker has the same right to drink as his boss, we lock him up on a charge of violating the Mann Act. ; “Tf the first charge doesn’t stick, we try another and, if he appeals, we charge him with something else. That’s the ad- vantage of this system. If you charge a man with a crime he really did commit, your prosecu- tion is limited to one count but, if you charge him with something else, you have the whole book of statutes to choose from. If he is acquitted on all counts, we can always have him committed to an asylum. He'll probably ‘have gone insane by that time, any- how.” “Does anybody ever get free of everything?” asked Alice.’ “Oh, yes,” replied the White Knight. “But the system takes care of those cases, too. By that time he has spent all his money on litigation, his reputation is ruined and, anyway, he has al- ready been in jail as long as if he had been convicted on the orig- inal charge.” “Am I to understand, then,” Alice asked in some _ bewilder- ment, “that most of the people in jail are innocent?” “My dear child,” replied the Knight wearily, “everybody is in- nocent of something.” “Precisely,” Was his face red? A FRONT-PAGE cartoon in the London Daily Express showed two U.S. senators standing be neath a bust of George Washing ton. “Personally, Senator,” one said, “Y’d_ like to reopen the whole cherry tree inquiry, I figure he was shielding someone.” * ALL references to the quis should be cut out of U.S. scho textbooks, says Mrs. Thomas J White, of Indiana. : 2 1 The reason? “Quakers dont believe in fighting wars. All at men they can get to believe toy they don’t need to go to wat, th better off the Communists ate Mrs. White is the woman Whd called for the story of Robin Hoot to be banned from school boos: * RECENTLY, West German eae tectives searched the house’ nf a woman in the little village Ms Blexen, near Wesermarsch 12 British Zone. ee They seized the program oo. cultural performance givel Pie the German-Soviet FriendshiP het ciety, three copies of the abel dren’s book Fairy Tales oft Peoples of the Soviet Union, Fire the Soviet adventure story © in the Polar Night. i Despite her protest oa ays were confiscated, and tw a) 00° later she received an offich tice from the county police Wesermarsch stating: ’ f “Subject: Confiscation , a writings hostile to the sta. “The confiscation of the bis ings seized on the instruc of the ‘Oldenburg State ney is hereby ordered 10 s ance with para 3 of the F ai Ordinance on Defense ae Attacks on Democratle Rights, dated June 6, 1 “The bednics contain appeals to laws of the Federal pepe and attacks on democra refore er. The writings are a nd prohibited under Pat,‘ the confiscated under para ; Ordinance quoted,” By SID ZLOTNIK NEXT it will be the Little Réd Hen. : A Republican member .of the Indiana Textbook Commis- sion, Mrs. Thomas J. White, of Indianapolis, has urged that Robin Hood be banned from schools because of its “Com- munist philosophy.” Said the lady: “The Communists want to stress the story of Robin Hood because he robbed the rich and gave’ to the poor. That’s the communist line. It’s just a smearing attack on law and order.” This demand for a ban was followed by a series of devel- opments, real and fictitious. Real, The High Sheriff of Nottingham, William Cox (whose predecessor was Robin Hood’s favorite target in the good old days when he used to sally forth from Sherwood Forest) lifted a quizzical eye- brow and commented dryly: “Why, Robin Hood was no Communist. We'd probably call him a gangster, and I'd have to do my duty and go Will the Little Red Hen be after him. We've never mind- ed our children learning about Robin Hood and Maid Marian, and Little John, and all the rest. It’s our heritage. We're very proud of Robin Hood. And next? — mind you... I’m a member of the Conservative party: . a Fictitious. Little Red Ridiné Hood has issued a state™ e to the press to the effect she will “reveal all” Un-American ‘Activities i mittee. Ma “The fact is,’ she said) do not have to turn Ve +O new leaf, for at no time” I been a Red in any real 8%" My red cloak was just 4 se up, because I.have bee Wet ing for the FBI. As @™_ of fact, in my capacity rset famous figure in ® access rhymes, I have sain ary to just about every ; school in these United re Only last week I comple’© yp report on Communism able !° schools in which I was of 08 prove that a majority ©, little country schoolhouse’ still red.” PACIFIC TRIBUNE — NOVEMBER 27, 1953