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The following piece of satire on Premier Bennett won top marks
for a daughter of an IWA member when she submitted it to her
English teacher.

O muse of mine — Come down from lofty airs
And lift me up from troubles, woes, and cares,
Refresh my soul and shut the world away,
Commune with me and give me words to say
That I might to this quite ungrateful realm
Extol the man who stands behind the helm,
For this majestic, celebrated place,

Whose charm draws all to gaze upon her face,
Has for her premier quite a worthy man
Of whom I shall remain a faithful fan.

Be still awhile and learn the truth at last;

The press has fed you falsehoods in the past.

For years we decent, law-abiding folk
Have suffered underneath the smokers’ smoke,
Our rooms have filled with sharp and pungent haze,
A fit of coughing would ensue for days,
Our stinging eyes with tell-tale tears would fill,
The instinctive shudder would the water spill,
In cars, hotels, in lobbies, trains, at home,
Still unrestrained those awful smokers roam.
“Fnfin”’, we said, “It’s time to put an end.
To this disgusting, ever-growing trend!”
At first, we merely pointed out, ‘‘Beware!That nicotine is
dangerous, so take care.”
But did they stop or heed our fearful cry? Oh no! They loudly
claimed it was a lie.
And even after proof from cancer tests
They still remained the nation’s foremost pests.
Then, just when we (weak souls) resigned to fate
Our trusty premier stayed our hopes with ‘‘Wait!
There is a way to force these demons down!
Why, with my plan we’ll chase them out of town!”
So Premier Ban-it joined our worthy cause
And with him came his plan to make some laws.

Now demon smokers aren’t our only foes
But also those who’re caught in whiskey’s throes,
Those evil fiends who guzzle beer all day,

‘Les miserables’ who drink their life away,
The kids who go a-pubbing Friday night,

Oh, take the filthy stuff from out our sight!

The social snobs with cocktails on the brain,

If one could only flush it down the drain!

Alas! This problem is not easily solved,

The details of our ventures quite involved,
We’d set up special road blocks just for them,

(I must confess they hardly ever came)

We’d take away their licence for a year

But at the bar they always would appear,
We’d make the pubs as ugly as we could,

With dirty washrooms, rats and rotten wood,
The ceilings would be cracked and needing paint,
But they would merely think that it was quaint.
Then, Premier Ban-it threw his weight with us,
(It is a lot of weight, I must confess,

But that’s of small importance when you see
The wondrous things he’s done for you and me.)

He said to us, “‘Agreed — These things must go
But you are goin’ about it wrong, you know.”’

‘So Premier Ban-it then unfurled his plan,
His famed, distinguished advertising ban.
He said, ‘Consumers are a stubborn lot,

To deal with them my brilliant plan is not.
Instead, we must attack them at the heart
And hit the companies where it’s sure to smart,
Since advertising is their biggest game

It’s naturally the place that we will name.

So here’s my plan — To censor all the mags
Prevent from advertising booze and fags,
Disgusting pictures we will not allow
Though doubtless it will cause an awful row.
No alcoholic bev’rage will be seen
In any self-respecting magazine.

The same applies to wicked cigarettes.

I’m sure, in time, they will have no regrets.

And nasty billboards must be whitewashed, too,
This program we must skillf’lly carry through.
We can’t allow the populace to see

This demon rum that’s advertised so free.
We'll purge our streets and keep them clear of vice,
And sinful cigarettes no more entice

The innocents who roam our streets at will —

I vow the industry of booze to kill!

Protect our homes! The boob-tube is a threat!
We must refine the television set!

Remove all trace of liquor ads and such
(Although this might just prove to be too much,
We must needs try to censor carefully

So to create a pure society.)

The radio is also quite profound.

It’s necessary to improve its sound

THE WESTERN CANADIAN LUMBER WORKER

By wiping out the mention of these sins

And then we'll see which of those two sides wins!”’

And so, with that, he straightway set to work
To make some Jaws the companies to irk;
Succeeded in his scheme to raise a fuss —

The opposition were opposed to us.
But valiantly he struggled faithful on
And finally a set of laws he won

What faithfulness! What great integrity!
This man of strength and honoured purity!
He stood his ground and looked to meet his foe.
Despite resistance, onward he did go! What other place has such

a commandant?

What other premier has so pure a mind?

Who’d risk his life and leave his post behind

To search out virtue, goodness, innocence,
Who'd bend the law a mite to make a fence

Tn keep out vice, corruption, smokes and booze?
There is no better premier you could choose!

So, we can safely say we’ve won the fight.
The battle goes to those who’re in the right.
A small obstruction now has barred his way,
Those companies will not the law obey!But have no fear! Our

premier’s on the job!

And soon he’ll tame that indecorous mob.

He’ll have them begging mercy on their knees,
And they’ll repent of their atrocities.

And still, our gallant premier works away,
“Remove the girlie shows! They cannot stay!
There is no place for such in my domain!”

So now begins his anti-bare campaign.

“There is no work for topless dancers here;

A top, or else she’s thrown out on her ear!”’

What stalwartness! What magnitude of worth!
Just giv’n some time, he’ll make a heav’n on earth!
And then what perfect splendour there will be
When we from evil vice at last are free!

CORPORATE FRIENDS NICE

Powerful corporate friends
help the old-line parties, and
the parties help their friends.

An example is the recently-
disclosed tax bonus the Liberal
Government has given the
Toronto Daily Star, a staunch
Liberal party newspaper.

The Star took over the sub-
scription list of the late Toronto
Telegram for $10 million last
year. Members of news in-
dustry unions at the Tely
claimed it was a pay-off to
bury the Star’s only competitor
and set up a monopoly.

Star publisher Beland H.
Honderich claimed the paper
paid such a fantastic price to

keep the other major Toronto
daily, the Globe and Mail, from
getting to the Telegram sub-
scribers.

Now Honderich’s changed
his tune; because the depart-
ment of national revenue has
ruled a list of subscribers used
for contacts to get new busi-
ness — but having no other
worth — can be written off for
tax purposes.

The Star now claims the
Telegram list isn’t all that im-
portant. Deducting the price
from taxable income in the
Star’s 52 percent corporate tax
bracket will save the paper a
cool $5.2 million.

eae eee

“HOT DOG” TAX GOES

A tax which Saskatchewan
citizens considered one of the
most unjust and annoying of
those imposed by the former
Liberal government has been
removed by the NDP admin-
istration. This was the tax on
all meals costing over 15c.
Nicknamed, “The Hot Dog
Tax’’, this hurt most the pen-
sioners and other low income
people to whom the extra
pennies in costs meant less
food.

The tax will now apply only

MITIMART MARKETS LTD.
DELTA, B.C.

Take the ‘‘Corner Grocery‘ on location,
Mining, Lumbering, Pulp Mill, etc. or any

place with potential. “The Foodstore
Franchise for the Future’’ — open a store

with built in Modern, two bedroom living :

accommodation twin trailer type building,

designed to our exclusive layout.
Minimum Financing needed. Prov. Govt.

2nd Mort. possibie. Franchise Fee
amortized. The chance you need to suc-
ceed. We see to it. Tel: 946-9191. 4933,
Coleman Pl., DELTA, B.C.

to individual meals which cost
more than $2.50.

Meals served by religious or
charitable organizations on a
casual basis will be exempt.

"YOURE ALL RIGHT, JACK!”

WIRETAPPING
BRINGS

CONVICTIONS

Two men, one of them an
outspoken unionbuster, the
other a constable on the Tor-
onto metro police force, were
fined $500 each on a wiretap-
ping conviction which crown
counsel Frank Armstrong
called far too serious for a fine.

Richard Grange, president
of Canadian Driver Pool Ltd.,
and policemen Barry Chapman
were convicted for conspiring
to effect an unlawful purpose
by tapping a union’s telephone.

The offence carries a maxi-
mum penalty of two years in
penitentiary. The appeal by
defense counsel that the law on
wiretapping is fuzzy was likely
a mitigating factor in passing
sentence.

However Judge Garth Moore
said that the pair committed a
“public out-rage’’.

Canadian Driver Pool is in
the business of providing
Strikebreakers. Grange
received $75,000 from Redpath
Sugar for protection against
picketing in a strike by the
International Chemical
Workers Local 688.

The union’s telephones were
tapped. Members of the union
caught Chapman redhanded as
he was using a taperecorder
outside the union local’s head-
quarters.

Legislation dealing with
wiretapping is now before the
House of Commons. If passed,
it would provide a five-year
term for intercepting
messages and a two-year
sentence for disclosing in-
formation obtained by tapping.

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