te seeye ga a Esco bist pecartage ites een Ti RR a a ws eae we ‘EVENTS B2 INSIDE ‘COMMUNITY BY THE way DAWN McBRIDE of Tips for couples he development of the field of couple and family counselling has made some really important strides over the last thirty years. Training of family therapists has become more comprehensive and there are a wide vari- ety of therapics that couples/families can access to increase one’s satisfaction with one. For. example, using drawing games with families to highlight communication patterns is a very valuable useful tool. With couples, I might have each person draw (not using any identifiable shapes) how they feel about a situation and then work on drawing a picture incorporating both of their drawings. _ The drawings serve, as one of many ways, to understand what is happening in the family that is preventing the family from functioning the way they want to be. A common theme in counsellor’s office is a break down of healthy communication patterns. So, sometimes therapy is just simply helping the family re-open the communication doors. ., However, for others, old pain and hurts may block the door and/or the key is just lost. Tn that case, a therapist can help you and the ‘rest of your family reduce the size of the bar- riers so you can get knock the door down and ‘reclaim what was lost and/or needs to be teleased for good. This article will provide you with four tips for increasing your knowledge about ways to in- crease healthy functioning familics and couples: 1: The glue that gets families through rough times is their ability to talk ‘‘real’” that is, talk- ing and listening to each other's feelings. This is can. be ‘hard particularly if our vocabulary is limited by the all too common words: ‘fine’, ‘‘good’’, “‘happy”’, ‘bad’? and “ok”. Some families post feeling words on their fridge to increase use of feeling, words, Did you know that there are about 20 different feeling words to say, ‘‘l am angry’’? Most counselling and doctor offices have feeling word lists. Ask around. 2. Practice expanding your feeling, vocabulary by being less ‘bossy’? and more attuned to your feelings. For example: INSTEAD OF: TRY: *“‘Shut-Up!? ---------.-----—--- “I feel angry with what you just did” “You talk too much”? ------- -- “TF am starting to feel bored - could I say something?’ “You are so rudet”’ .---------- ‘Tam feeling irritated’” ‘Damn you!?’ ----------------- §‘] was very worried about you and I wish I wasn’t it!”’ “Just hurry up!?? ---...------- “I am feeling * tense while waiting for you”’ 3. Do you remember what counsellors believe is a swear word? “‘SHOULD”’, For healthy communication, we want ta use words that increase the. people’s range of choices - as humans, we thrive when we are presented with choices as it gives us a sense of control and builds our confidence. Bven children as young as one years old benefit from choice as it starts to teach them how to problem solve. So, next time you are tempted 10 swear (i.c., SHOULD), you are in- vited to try using: “‘might”, ‘‘could’’, “possible”, ‘| wonder” etc. ., 4. Take a workshop on communication skill enhancement offered through the city, counsell- ing agencies and churches. For example, there is a live-in weekend just for couples. ~The emphasis is on helping couples practice healthy communication patterns. The weekend is nol a spiritual retreal, a sensitivity group, nor a social gathering. It is very private as couples only share with their spouses. The pattern of the weekend is a presentation by.one of the team and then the couples go to their rooms to reflect/discuss the issues raised. There is no large group sharing. Couples that have graduated and a pricst run the program BUT no religious background or persuasion is necessary. The weekend is May 21-23, 1999 and contact: Max/Maria @ 635- 5459 or Richard/Kelly Kicin @635-6636. Sponsored by Scared Heart Church, 5. For those who counsel couples and/or families there is a professional development workshop titled ‘challenges, pitfalls and strategies to working with couples and families”? at Terrace College on May 7 (1-4pm) for couples and May 8 (9-4pm) for families. Cost $80 for both. Last day to register is May 5. Call Dawn at 635-9808 for more information. Dawn McBride is a Visiting Assistant Profes- sor with University of Northern British Colum- bia in the Master level education-counselling program. Dawn will be leaving shortly to return to Calgary so ths will be her last article. feeling’ BLESSED WITH a prayer and the cagle dance, the new youth drop-in centre on Lakelse Avenue officially opened last Friday, ‘ ~The Kermode Youth Centre is a safe haven where teenagers aged 13-18 can go _ alter school and in the even- ings. “We make sure children are locked after,’’. said Atgela Mojak, manager of the Kermode Friendship Sociely, which runs the youth centre. Mojak said the centre was opened. because young people in Terrace needed a safe place they could call their own. So far, about 30 teenagers drop in everyday. “It’s open to everyone, not just . First Nations,’’ Mojak said. The centre opens week- days at 3:30 p.m. to ensure young people stay in school during the day. Everyday from 3:30 to 4:40 p.m. is homework time, The TV and stereo are tured off and the youths are encouraged to do school wark. To keep teens off the street, youth workers plan recreational and cultural ac- tivities from 5:30 p.m. to 9 . pm. The Terrace Standard, Wednesday, April 21, 1999 - B] SECTION B ALEX HAMILTON 638-7283 Youth call centre home Centre provides programs and services for teenagers HAVING FUN; Thirty youths regularly drop in at the Kermode Youth Centre located on Lakelse Avenue. Staff take youths swim- ming, bowling, to the gym and to movies on Tuesdays. Theatre workshops, cooking classes and a youth dance group are in the works, Cultural nights are planned as well so students can learn how to draw and make native crafts. Jolene Adams, 16, said she comes to the centre everyday afier school. “If this wasn’t here we'd be bored,”’ she said. Fourteen-year-old Valeric Stanley said she’d be hang- ing out downtown some- call 638-8379, « Girl Guide cookies for sale! Girl Guides Kaali Jobb, Tara Benoit, Erin Benoit, Kendra Lansdowne, Chloe | ‘ Curtis and Shauna Bewick will hit the streets April 26 selling the infamous chocolate and vanilla cookies. The cookies, which cost $3 a box, will also be sold in the evening April 26 at Safeway and there will be a drive through May 1 from 10-4 p.m. in front of the B.C. Access Centre. If anyone would like cookies |: Local joins Canada World Youth CHRIS BETTENCOURT has big plans afler graduat- ing from Caledonia this summer. On August 20 he’s leaving for a seven-month adventure beginning in Quebec and ending in Africa, Bettencourt, 17, is joining Canada World Youth, an in- temational education pro- gram for young people un- der the age of 30. A non-profit organization, Canada World Youth pro- vides people with an op- portunity to learn about other cultures and ways of life and to acquire practical work experience, Every year more than 1,000 participants, like Bet- tencourt, travel to foreign countries to work and devel- op cross-cultural awareness, “It’s education — just not formal education, ’’ Belten- ‘court said. ‘‘It will teach me life skills I wouldn’! get going to the college in Ter- race.”* Bettencourt is a member of the organization’s Youth Exchange Program which lasts seven months. He and nine other Cana- diaus will spend balf of the program living and working in Quebec and the other half in Benin, Africa. In both countries, Betten- Bettencourt court and an African youth he's been partnered with will live with host familics and work ‘on community projec... : “We'll tive exactly like . the people,” he said. Life won't be the same as what T’m used to.” He explained he may have to bath in. rivers and wash his clothing by hand and hang them on a line to dry. For someone who has only travelled as far the United States, Icaving for a tropical, like Benin, is a big jump for Beltencourt. “T'm looking forward ta secing. how the culture works and whal it’s like to live in a different country.” Benin, he said, is one of the poorer countries in Afri- ca. The life expectancy: of - people living there is about 50 years old, Beltencourt got Involved with the program after. fill- ing out an application form on the Internet - (cwy- jem.org/about. himl.) “> Aficr a. successful tele- phone’ interview, -he. was given the green fight to go. However, in order to. partake in (he ‘program, he must raise $1,500,-. "Bettencourt will be can- vassing. residents ‘- businesses to raise Money. _ for the project. and ° where if she didn’t have the — centre to go to. “Pd be at Chalky’s or ” Gus’,”’ she said. The centre, which opened in January, is operated by the Kermode Friendship Centre, and financed by the Youth Initiative Program from the Skeena Native De- velopment Centre, Counsellors from the Kermode Friendship Centre are oon hand to ‘help runaways or youths in need of help. ART MOONEY isn't happy about having to pick up garbage someone dumped in his backyard. Take garbage to the dump ART MOONEY doesn’t like cleaning up other people’s mess — especially if it's on his own property, But last Thursday, he spent his lunch hour picking up garbage someone had dumped in his backyard. “Vm just so mad,’” he said, ‘My neighbor and [arc trying to find out wha did this,” Littering his yard were lawn clippings, houschold plants, beer cases, and garbage bags full personal garbage. Mooncy owns an acre of land off on the south side of the city. His backyard, which is fenced off, is filled with huck- leberry bushes, orchids and trees. “Ils beautiful back there,’” he said admiring his Proper- ly. So when someone tossed his or her garbage over his fence, Mooncy was irate. “They dumped-it right‘on top of one of my. best buck- leberry bushes,”* be said, Although he’s aware that peopte dump garbage on ‘Crown land, be's hasn't heard of people deliberately dumping on private properly, - “People should know better,”* he said, - Bylaw ‘enforcement: officer Frank Bowsher said of: fenders can bé charged wilh a 1 $50- 100 licket for. F dumping garbage | on city. Property.