Playing Straight With Gay Spouses DEAR ABBY: Your advice to DESPERATE WIFE, who came home early and found her husband in bed with his best friend (another male), was not very well thought out. You said, “Bisexuality is a fact of life that can aecur in any family. Give him up graciously, he has already consciously or unconsciously made a choice.” Abby, if he had been a wonderful husband for 18 years, and a great father, as she slated, she should have been en- couraged to try to save her marriage rather than demolish it, Granted she is in shock, and granted there has been deception on his part, but she isn't the only woman in the warld who's married to a gay man. If she Jives in a big city, there is a mental health clinic and a gay community service agency which can put her and her husband in touch witha support group for gay married men and their wives. Counselors wil help them deal with the realities of their marriage and show them how to build a new relationship based on honest and open communication, Or they may con- clude that it's best to separate. But at least they should con- sider the alternatives instead of scrapping the marriage. Iam sorry that you viewed the situation as hopeless. It isn't. GAILY MARRIED IN S.F. DEAR GAILY MARRIED: Although my answer was (I thought) very well thought out, a surprising number of readers wrote to say that they are happily married to bisexual mates, and my advice was way out in left field. Read on: DEAR ABBY: I'm sorry DESPERATE WIFE didn’t ask ME for advice instead of you. | have been happily married to a bisexual man for 33 years and have no regrets. We raised four wonderful children who knew nothing of their father's proclivity until they were grown and able to understand it. None of them love him any less for it, and all are hetero- sexual, I might add. I knew my husband was gay when I married him, but I never felt threatened by it. He was 38 and | was 34. We are bath in the theater. I could bet my life he has never had an affair sinee our marriage, If f had caught my husband in the arms of another man at any point in our marriage 1 would no more have considered divorcing him than I would had I caught him with a woman. He's a fine, beautiful man who by nature is able to relate sexually to both sexes, which is nol as rare as most people think. NAMELESS, PLEASE, IN N.Y.C. DEAR ABBY: Your advice to DESPERATE WIFE, who had been happily married for 18 years to a bisexual man, was simplistic. Human beings are capable of more flexibility than you give them credit for. You didn't present any options. One was to get help in adjusting to the idea that her husband is bisexual. She said they loved each other, had terrific sex, and great children. None of Lhat has changed, nor has HE changed. Only what she KNOWS has changed. ‘ My husband is gay, but we have come to realize that what we have together and what we give each other and our children is more important than what happens when we are apart. We ean allow each other to live full and compiete lives—_ whatever that may mean, You should have told that wife thal leaving a loving husband isn’t the only solution. FOUND ANOTHER WAY IN MASS, DEAR ABBY: As a neuro-psychiatrist, [ have had many married bisexual male patients. Most of them were vigorous, successful men in high-paying positions with intelligent, good-looking wives. In every case there alsa were healthy, well-adjusted children. There was a close rap- port between these patients and their families for years un- til circumstances forced the skeletons out of the close. In every case the wife preferred to cantinue in the mar- riage. Not one man I ever Lreated was willing to give up his homosexuality —but he didn't want to give up his wile either. Such individuals seck help only when they get ar- rested, lose a lover or are exposed for some reason. DESPERATE WIFE may have wanted only your confir- mation of her wish to keap her husband; you let her down, »A. PHYSICIAN | DEAR PHYSICIAN: Possibly. But the fact that the hus- band had an affair in his awn home tells me that perhaps he WANTED to get caught and end the closet capers. Your Individual Horoscope ——— Frances Drake FOR MONDAY, ‘SEPTEMBER 17, 1979 ARIES (Mar. 21 to Apr. 19) Ve% Half-hearted efforts at either work or play won't satisfy. Attend to duty and then enjoy leisure time. Save time for both. TAURUS (Apr. 20 to May 20) Or New thoughts about family entertainment may not go exactly as planned. Listen to suggestion of a friend re home improvements, GEMINI I Ze (May 21 to June 20) A family member may not follow through on an idea. Watch nerves in the p.m., but a talk with a close one will ease the tension. CANCER (June 21 to July 22) ESD You may have second thoughts re a purchage, New moneymaking ideas work, but watch out for sudden expenses or changes re dating plans. ‘auly 23 to Aug. 22) Rk Romance or activities with children are uplifting. Possible domestic upset in the p.m. Avoid too much self- preoccupation. VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22) mp, It may be hard to get across to others what you know to be inwardly true. Still, refrain from arguing. Care needed re travel, LIBRA (Sept, 23 to Oct. 22) Hed S If inwardly upset with a friend, find the right moment to talk about it. Don't let money be a source of dissension with others. SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21) Mane Trust hunches re career, A talk with a friend goes well, but his or her ideas re business may beunsound. Avoid abrupt changes in the p.m. SAGITTARIUS / Ped (Nov, 22 to Dec, 21) Your optimism re a career project is justified, but there are still details to be worked out. Possible unexpected news from a distance. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19) What A talk about intimacy goes ’ well, but it may be too soon to see the results. Friends may be contrary in the p.m. to your surprise. ‘ AQUARIUS ae (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18) ae A partner or close ally may not he ready to follow your lead. Avoid any excessive independent action. Business talks go on and on. PISCES . (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20) HEY Close ones want to help out, but the best results come through your own efforts. Watch nerves and sudden excitement in the p.m. What kind of day: will tomorrow be? To find out what the stars say, read the forecast given for your birth Sign. HERMAN “What does he want to eat, a bowl of ants?” C1078 Unearen Prats Samticrsbie CROSSWORD ACROSS 43 WWil area 2 White Howe 11 Musical 1Disastrous 44 Press nickname groups 6 Eastern title 45 Man’sname 3Caraon’s 17 Alice Faye § Stocky 47 TV talk- +. Show" film: “Hello, horse showhost 4 River in —, Hello” 12.On high 49 — Selassie England 19 Alleviates 13 Viet — 52 Worm - 5 Gives 21 Printer's 14Girl's name. 53 Notathome temporarily | measures 15 Part of a §4 Wilde or GActress - 22 Girl's name mortise Levant Lansbury 24Thing, — 16 TV talk- 55 Observe 1"'The World . inlaw show host 56 Fuss According 26 — last 18 — water 57 “Ta this to—" (finally) (in trouble) great—of 8§*—Blue?” 28 Suffers 20 Tear apart fools” 9 Coffee defeat 21 Work unit DOWN houses 30 Cover 23 Salt 1 Obese 10 Sheeplike 32 TV talk- 24 Goes up ' show: “Good 25 Seaport of Avg. solution time: 25 min. Morning —" Okinawa EFINOSMICATTHISOIAP] 93 Gain as 21 Auctions SINT REUISIORSLIUINIE = orofit KalR ER Ti AIMBBEIT INA 29 Colonize STIRAWSMBIARIBE | 4 Theater sign 31 Ancient PIEIt LEIO 36 In rapid people of SEEURIOIPIQUITIS tempo Campania §/AGIOBBREIAIUMINIAIP) 38 Conceals 35 Has a IM AIRIGIAIRIE!T EIDIDIY 39 Uneven speech KIEIN REE 40 Awaken VIAISISIJAIL SHA/LILIOUIT defect 42 Mores AILIO|T HE | INICBBEIRINIE 31 Hebrew SILVEMESCERRIATIS 45 Praise measure TIAITISHE TEDEESLIOT] 46 Orient 38 King of 9-21 48 Mauna —~ Judea 50 Fall behind 41 Female ruff 51 Sooner than the AMAZING SPIDERMAN 1 2 7 " Fi i 116 Ww : 1 19 20 21 [22 23 24] 25 26 Fe 28 9 es 31 32 133 )34 36 36 3? 33 139 140 ay a2 a 44 45 46 a7 49 Ce ie coy i 7 CRYPTOQUIP 9-21 GTUZQNGMZMN TGRR XGXK MYN GT- UQZRR TYXZRN TYXGRNZ Yesterday's Cryptoquip — SALTY WIT WILTS WILY LASS. Today’s Cryptoquip clue: Q equals R The ulp is a simple substitution cipher in which each Wetland ans for another. [f you think that X equals 0, it will equal O throughout the puzzle. Single letters, short words, and words using an apostrophe can give you clues to locating vowels. Solution is accomplished by trial and error. © 1979 King Features Syndicate, Inc. By Stan Lee and John Romita CATFISH FROM THE MAN T y az = Be 5 ay ze at on RAM az 45 = 32 2k 5a az ae os co Cu 28 za 5 oe ge 2 =a ae 25 . ze ez hy EB 28 FOTIONS THAT Give Suber HE PROPER GREDIENTS! XL LOOK AT ITAS WINNING THE BATTLE BUT LOSING THE WAR . AD 1979 by Chicago Tribune ¥, Newa Syd. Inc, the WIZARD OF. ID qltt Eek By Brant Parker and Johnny Hart HEY, TURNKEY..WHAT Sr’ WEF GOTH BUST OUTTA THIS PLACE F Tewora | N/ “FAILURE IS NOT in AY VOCABULARY IMSNICE TO Know LL BE HANGER WITH AN ILLITERATE By Johnny Hart By Johnny Hart GQ Field Enterprises, ine. thre DOONESBURY 1 HAVE A BAP HABIT OF REPEATING MYSELF He WHAT Cc By Garry Trudeau Ce. ee AS CH MIND IF TUS ULMAYE = “TM HER ASK WHO YOU DAUGHTER, ARE: Wiss ? JOAN, dR, YOU MIST VOAN IR? BE MOMs s OLD MAN, o> | \