By DAVE MICHAELSON

Inside Dullest

“Halt, or I ig

Washington or

squaring the Pentagon circle

| AM privileged to reveal, in’

strict secrecy, the following
verbatim report which has
reached me by way of a trusted
frogman who brought it, secret-
ed in a flipper, all the way
across the Atlantic.

Decoded, the message reads:

The scene is Washington, D.C.
In a large room, far below

ground level, sit the members ~

of COPPPIT (Co-ordination
Offigial Policy Planning Penta-
.gon Infrastructures Toplevel),
the highest body for integrating
SEATO NATO PLATO MEATO
and PTATO.

General Grunter: Mr. Secre-
tary, I feel deeply disturbed at
these Russians talking to Eden,
and now the French are in Mos-
cow. Is this a retreat from
Washington? How far can we
‘rely on them to stand’ firm
against disarmament?

Secretary Dullest: Well, that’s
a question. I don’t say I’m too
sure. They’re both full of Com-
mies “and Pacifists. There’s a
yellow streak a mile down the
middle of Europe. If it wasn’t
for our B98 bases there I
wouldn't like to answer for
them. - | Boe

Admiral Ratford: Where does
NATO fit in?

Dullest: That’s one we're try-
ing to work out. I feel confident
there must be some reason: for
it. We've got two electronic
calculating machines working
on it right now day and night,
but they haven’t come up with
the answer yet. In fact, one of
them developed mental trouble
but we’ve got. a robot psycho-
analyst trying to find the block-
age.

The answer is clear, NATO
must be strengthened to meet
the Red menace mounting day
by day... excuse me (a mes-
senger hands him a note, which
he reads). :

Good heavens! This is terrible!
~A Soviet bombshell! And Wall
Street has dropped 5,000 million!
Grunter: They haven't drop-
ped a Z bomb? a y

Dullest: No, much worse. They
have cut their armed forces by

1,200,000 men! And 375 war-
ships are to be placed in reserve!

Ratford: The cunning devils.

Dullest: We must get out a
statement at once. This is ca-
tastrophic! Do. you realise what
this may mean, gentlemen?—
it may mean that the West will
be forced to disarm!

Ratford: Never!

3 $e %
Grunter: What happens to
us generals?
Dullest: . . . and to the mil-

lions busy making guns, planes,
and so on. These devilish Russi-
ans want to force us-into eco-
nomic ruin by making us throw
millions out of war work. Now,
let me see ... Take this down:

The Russians say they have cut

their. armed forces, but of
course we don’t know. But if
they have, in any case these men
could be recalled soon enough,
so what? How “many tanks have
they scrapped? :
They have taken men out of
uniform and put them in the
factories, where they are an
even greater menace to the West
because they will be used to
make goods to raise the Russian.
standard of life and give eco-

nomic aid- to other. countries

as Ke ad
“ — no sooner had Ali Baba
pronounced the magic words
‘Open Sesam’ than he found
himself in an enormous cave
packed with Cadillaes, Coca-Cola
and the largest block of oil
shares east of Suez.”

and so cunningly win them to
the Communist side. - :

But we can see through this
transparent trick. Let the Soviet
open their skies to our planes,
but they never will because
their war plants are deep under-
ground where we can’t see them.

This crafty Oriental move has
all the hall-marks of a deep-laid
plot to thaw the Freeze World,
but we stand firm as a rock by
our demand for disarmament by
agreed stages with full control
and inspection.

If that is agreed then we de-
mand the settlement ofall out-

standing political differences be--

fore we demobilise oné man or
one atomic submarine. ~

If that is conceded then we
demand that the Communists

- cease being Communists and

accept our Way of Life before
we dismantle one of our defens-
ive bomber bases so far from
our homeland.

Gentlemen, as a fitting retort
to this tmhenacing gesture, I move
that we increase our arms ap-
propriations this year by
$75,000,000,000. That will show
the world if we are serious or
not on the disarmament issué!

Grunter: I agree. This could

. be a major disaster. And in an

election year! If the Russian
menace is removed, what policy
have we left? The prospect is
agonising. :

Ratford: More Russians in
their factories! We cannot allow
it! This is an unfriendly act!

Dullest: Exactly. While they
are standing around in uniform,
who cares? We know they don’t
threaten us anyhow. But work-
ANG en

We must get the Disarmament
Sub-Committee together at once
and demand that the Russians
increase their armed forces by
an agreed number.

Otherwise we will regard their -

unilateral reduction as a war-
like -move under the NATO
Agreement, and we shall ready
our B99s..

Grunter: Excuse me but we
are just building the factory to
produce B99s in 1964. i

Dullest: There you are! All
that constructive work will be
brought to a halt! Get me Stas-
sen at once!

By LLEW GARDNER

HAVE just met Eucrates—
[ said to be just about the
nearest thing to a human be-
ing off two legs, He or it
“lives” in Goodwyns Place,
near Dorking, England, the
new research laboratories of
the expanding Solarton Elec-
tronics group.

From outside , Goodwyns

the mansions that cling to the
edge of the Surrey Downs.
Inside, in place of butler and
servants, there
dressed scientists. It is the
laboratory of the future that
has suddenly become the pre-
sent. -

In room 14, I met Eucrates

acter of Lucian, the Greek
satirist, but the modern
Eucrates is
brain, a mass of wires, valves,
electrolytic econdensors, flash-
ing lights and _ flickering
dials. :

Eucrates I is claimed to be

-the greatest advance in the
creation of electronic brains.

He (it) works in conjunc-
tion with an electronic train-
er which has been designed
to train a human being in
such jobs as typing or comp-
tometer operating.

The “teacher” puts the
questions and Eucrates, the
pupil, works out the answer.
Sometimes it (he) makes
mistakes or gets flustered
and panics.

When this happens, the
“teacher” patiently takes

*him through the process again
and again until he (it) gets
the answer successively cor-
Tect,

I tried answering a few
“simple” questions put by
the machine but proved to be
a very bad pupil. A red light
flashed to indicate a question.

All I had to do was to press

This electric brain
is almost too human

Place looks like any one of f

are neatly {

I. His original was a char- §

an electronic —

1)

N

“Some of these modern
machines can do anything.”

a button to get the correct
answer (signified by an_
amber light) but consistently
I pressed the wrong button
and was rewarded with 4
flashing green light.

The ' “teacher” was still
winking the same question
when I left the classroom.
I'm sure it practically des-
pairs of humans.

Eucrates even gives the
impression of having reflex
actions.. Shown a_ rubber
bone, a toy dog connected
to the brain wags its tail.

It repeats this when shown
the bone at the same time 2s
a bell is rung, and it wags
its tail again when the bell is
rung with the bone out of
sight.

. Fascinating, but a_ little
frightening. I was not sorry
to return to the open air,
where it was oddly’ surpris-_
ing to see the sun still shin--
ing and the grass growing iD
their normal way.

FRENCH WORKERS REPORT _

ad

Automation may lea

dio 4

greater nervous fatigue

peor auto workers have
found that automation may
lead to nervous fatigue, more
arduous work and isolation from.
human contact.

This is what Serge Colomb,
a teacher at the Renault works
—which produces 33 percent of
France’s motor vehicles — told
an international séminar on
automation. at London’s Trans-
port House the other day.

“The problem of nervous
fatigue and functional disorders
can be minimised in automation
processes at the machine-shop
stage by speeding up the chang-
over to automation, which tends
to turn the man into a super-
visor,” said. Colomb. f

SButy he emphasised, “at the
present time there is a danger
of this problem becoming acute
in the fitting shops. Here, for
an indefinite period, the worker
forms an integral link between
mechanised units at certain
points. He is thus compelled to

follow the tempo set by the
moving belt.” '

The introduction of the first
transfer machines in 1947 did
not greatly relieve the worker
of physical effort since handling
operations were not system-
atically eliminated.

In fact, continued Colomb,

Jane 1, 1956 — PACIFIC TRIBUNE — PAGE 4.

“job analysis carried out up
1955 showed that the transfef
‘machine attendant’s work %
‘more arduous than the average:

On these early transfer macb-
ines the worker experienced t
same disadvantages of bei&
compelled to follow the pre-
scribed tempo of the assembly
line._ ;

This was “aggravated” by the
fact that his post is isolated
he is generally alone. His only
human contacts during the wor
are with the machine setter
the charge hand.

Plans for joint trade
action in Britain, the United
States and Germany to deal w!
automation problems in the aU
industry have been worked out
at a follow-up conference ?
Paris. fas

Vietor Reuther, conferene® ~
chairman, told a press confer
ence that coordinating commit-
tees would be set up in General
Motors plants in Britain to ©”
operate with G.M. plants +?
Germany and the United States:

He hoped that a similar net-
work would be created in
Italion Fiat and West Germa?
Volkswagen ee

“We are determined to creat©
the type of coordinated collec
tive action which will for’
these giants of industry to av
unemployment, to reduce
working week and to take othe? —
measures.”

union