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cae . ; by Harriett Fjaagesund

readyeaty' oe

7 Victor and Kathy are driving me right up the wall. I'd like to put.
eo “them onthe next ‘apace ‘shuttle and-send ‘them into outer ‘space. It
started with a radio ad — the melodramatic soap opera antics -of Victor and Kathy as they
“argued back and forth over the Terrace Review newsmagazine, which Victor was too stingy
‘to: share with Kathy. a ee
*\ Tt was easy to read between the lines; a man who won’t share his newsmagazine with his

beloved deserves to be boiled in oil. After weeks of bickering, Kathy finally got fed up and
walked out, and I thought I’d heard the last of this mismatched duo. Obviously I was wrong.
- While flipping ‘through the March 13 issue of the Terrace Review. newsmagazine, an ad
inthe personal column. caught my eye: Kathy, I want to share my Terrace Review newspaper
“with you. for the rest of my life. Let's “Review” each week together.-We deserve it. Love, Victor.
“<." Oh no! I thought I was rid ofthis yuppie couple! It annoyed me that Victor had the nerve
_to-leap from the voice of radio onto the pages of print. Who did this yutzy character think

»~ .he-was, anywayl? The fact that he referred to the newsmagazine.as a newspaper only served

~.to reinforce my opinion of him; the man was slime. I could only hope Kathy wasn’t up to
doing any serious reading these days. . oo Se
-.. ‘Nervously, I opened my March 20 issue. It didn’t take long to spot her reply: Victor, I’ve

had it with you and your empty promises. You still hog the Terrace Review newsmagazine.

“I'm going home to‘mother. Kathy. My heart plummeted. I. knew Victor would never let this
pass. No doubt he would consider this a challenge. poe Se

A quick peek ‘at the March 27 issue confirmed this: Kathy, I want you back. I need you.

“You're ‘the best thing that’s ever happened to me... that is, next to the new Terrace’ Review

- newsmagazine. Love, Victor. This continuing saga of The Young and the Useless was’ yeally

beginning to grate on my nerves. These characters were cluttering up precious reading space

. +. with. their silly argument, I vowed to write nasty letters. Heads would roll!

_ With a vengeance I tore open the April 3 issue and-scanned the personal column. I found

oan ~ this reply: Victor, I simply can’t forgive you. I have my own subseription now, and I'm reading

* the new Terrace Review newsmagazine with another man — a man who is willing to share.
Eat your heart out. My lawyer willbe in touch. Kathy. Hah! That ought to put a crimp in his

tel style, I thought gleefully! I was quite sure Victor would now quietly slink away to the

~ “newspaper morgue" to lick his wounds, and I could go back to reading the Terrace Review

“~~.  Nhewsmagazine in peace. ;

I was stunned speechless when I opened the April 10 issue: Kathy, I miss you. I think
about you whenever I read the Terrace Review newsmagazine (i.e., all the time). We cant go
- on like this. I’m going to extend my. subscription. Always yours, Victor. Was this character
_ .just plain stupid or what?! Couldn’t he see he was flogging a dead horse? |

ca Last week’s issue finally drove me over the edge. Victor, you're.a sick man. You know that

the Terrace Review newsmagazine is “our” magazine. I can’t believe you'd actually extend your

ee subscription’ even though we've broken up... and then flaunt it in my face! Victor, I am
_. shocked and appalled. Kathy. | .

My: sanity is slipping. I’m afraid to open this week’s issue. Kathy, take the bum back.
Please! He may be slime, but at least he’s got good reading taste. SC

4

Terrace Review — April 24, 1992