WHEN SUICIDE happens in any tight knit community it not only affects that person’s family but countless others. - In‘Small aboriginal villages where famil-. ial relationships go beyond blood lines the loss can rock an entire community. “It’s because we know each other so. well,” says Joanne McKay, health projects coordinator for the Kitselas band near Ter- race, “Because we are all interrelated, even if. ‘ they may not be immediate family, they are family and they are seen as family.” ‘Last year the suicides of two First Na- tions teens in Terrace prompted several. phone calls to. Marianne Weston, program coordinator for the Kermode Friendship So- ' ¢lety, from people who did not know how to _ cope with the deaths. The deaths also underscored the i impor- tance of increasing awareness around de- pression and suicide — issues that had been identified by the society in a feasibility study as critical health issues on which to focus. Weston joined forces with McKay and » “local suicide . support «group coordinator | ~ Joset' Graham to host a suicide awareness workshop for health care workers and other professionals who work with people at risk. At its ,core the’ workshop, ‘slated. for ‘March 15-17, focusses on a training com- * ponent that will give 40 professionals from ‘for the people participating from the Kitselas ’ band. “One of the concerns that we come across _ when we are dealing with community mem-. bers both on and off reserve is they have a : concern because they realize that not only through the media, but also through personal experience, that suicide is prevalent in this area,”, McKay says. “A lot of concerned people have indicat- ed that they have minimal understanding of suicide and the effects of suicide and how to nt prevent that or even to recognize the signs.” ‘According to a federal report prepared in 2001 called ‘Acting on what we know: Pre- | venting suicide among First Nations Youth,” suicide rates among aboriginal people -are two to three times higher than the rest of the _ Popalaton _ Among aboriginal youth the rate is five to six times higher than non- -aboriginal youth: Joelle. McKiernan is a grief counsellor’ with a master’s degree in social work. She © - works with aboriginal and non- aboriginal people struggling with grief and: also those “who- may be contemplating suicide them-' selves. | ° Qo -She says the training at the: forum next week is critical as it will give front line work- -ers.the tools they need to recognize the signs - The Terrace Standard, Wednesday, March 8, 2006 - AS Where to go’ ‘when you need help “Telephone resources: The ‘Crisis Prevention-Intervention and Information G Centre for Northern B.C. . 1-888-562-1214 - "provides 24-hour access to emotional support for any type of crisis 1-888-564-8336 (TEEN) - youth support line open from 4 p.m.- lips m. every -day for teens dealing with any type of i issue “1- 800-SUICIDE . 9 . - for people with suicidal feelings or for. people who. know someone who is feeling suicidal On-line resources: www.crisiscentre. be.ca. - gives province-wide contact numbers for crisis lines, information on suicide prevention’ and other helpful information. | www.youthinbe.com of Suicide and how to intercede, especially in light of the high rate of suicide among ab- - a site geared specifically to teens and young aduilts featuring oodles‘ of information on everything from suicide, to health issues, sexual health issues, coping across the northwest tools they need to work on suicide awareness and prevention in their .. _ own communities. Originally the. workshop had just 25 spaces available but due to the — overwhelming demand: for the training it will provide, organizers opened up another — 15 spots, says Weston. - The workshop is being headed up by an_ - organization called Suicide Attempt 'Follow-. up, Education and Research (SAFER). . original youth. McKieman’s message is simple - ~ don’t be afraid to talk about suicide. “There’s a myth out there that if you talk to: someone about suicide that that means — theyll do it,’ she says. “If you are con- _ cerned that someone is going down that path _ and having thoughts of harming themselves, disregarding it or being fearful about talk- ‘ing about it is saying to the person that t you i don’ t care.” mechanisms for bullying and other useful and relevant information for young people. | In: Terrace: , ‘Mourning’s Dawii:grief counselling: 635-6707 - offers fee for'service counselling and free services for people who have a status card and who are contemplating suicide. : Adult Mental Health: 635- 2202 , _McKay says the training will be valuable JOSET GRAHAM v visits the bench at George Little Park dedicated to her son Marshal’ Ss memory. He committed suicide in 1997. Since then Graham founded a-support group and works to erase the fear of talking about suicide. : Talking about grief helps heal | BY SARAH A. ZIMMERMAN WHEN MARSHAL Graham committed suicide Jan. 6, 1997, his death forever changed the fabric of his family and left many questions unanswered. ” Marshal had struggled for some time. with © depression and mental illness and in the months before taking his life had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. , On that snowy, cold Monday morning, Mar- - shal, a talented musician, was supposed to return for the second semester session at Northwest Community College — but he never made it. _ He hanged himself in his family’ s garage, leav-- ing | no note or explanation. He was just 20 years old. ' " Marshal left behind his parents, his younger sister Kirsten and many friends. ’ Kirsten Graham was 17 years old when Mar- shal died and though she had feelings of anger and anguish after his death, she’s found over the past nine years that talking about his death has proven to be both cathartic and healing. While she was reticent to discuss anything 1 im- mediately after he died, as the years went on and. - as she met new people in Victoria, where she now lives, Kirsten learned the power of talking about her experience. “T didn’t really like the idea of talking to acoun- ~ sellor but then as I worked as an aesthetician and I would tell that story over and over and over again to people I got strength out of that,” she says, add- | ing many people commented on how strong. she “was for having been through that type of grief. “Just hearing that I was brave and I could do it and hearing people say, ‘Wow, you’ve dealt with all that’ — you can’t hear that, from people unless you’re telling people about it.” Her mom, Joset, agrees that people left behind after a suicide need to connect with others to help work through their grief and emotions. Well-spoken and determined to help others grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide, Gra- ham speaks openly about her own experience. She understands the stigma that surrounds sui- cide and is convinced that talking about .one’s grief can be therapeutic. That’s why she started a suicide support group that meets once a month. _ Sometimes there are many people who attend and other times almost nobody comes. Graham hopes, the upcoming suicide aware- ness and prevention workshop March 15-17 will encourage other people to join the group. , The support group is designed to create a safe. space for people to openly discuss their feelings. “Everybody isolates themselves after a suicide because you’re so raw and in so much pain,’ "she says, adding opening up can help heal. While some people feel angry, others feel guilty they couldn’t stop the person from taking his or her own life. , “Tf I took time, I could probably bring up all the things I did wrong,” Joset says. In‘a situation like the Grahams, where Marshal left no note explaining why he killed himself, the question of why remains unanswered. While it can never be answered, the Grahams | understand Marshal’s struggle with mental illness played a large part in his death. _ Kirsten didn’t like watching her brother strug- gle with his diagnosis and the frustration stem- ming from the medication he had been given to help him with his episodes. “They had started to give him different meds,” she recalls. “And of course, back then that kind of . medicine is not what it is now.’ She suspects the medication made him feel so unlike himself that he lost the vision of his own potential and what his future could hold. “T think he felt like not the same person and . at the same time that made me understand why he could kill himself,” Kirsten says. “If you were one person one day and after a series of traumatic ‘ t ‘details call Joset at 638-1347. SARAH A. ZIMMERMAN PHOTO. events you come out the other side not youre. . I guess he could never be the same.” Marshal’s death has also taught Joset the i im- - portance of people having the right tools-to deal with depression and mental illness. “It wasn't the schizophrenia that killed him; it - was the depression,” says Joset. In the nine years since Marshal’s death, both — Joset and Kirsten say they’ve come to accept his _ - death and both have their own ways of acknowl- edging his life. . Each Jan.'6, on the anniversary of his: death, Joset leaves a bouquet of flowers on the park bench in George Little Park she.had placed there _ in memory of her son. The wooden bench with heavy. wrought i iron arms — located on the northwest corner of the park was significant because it was the first venue where Marshal’s band, Gypsy Moth, played a — public performance, says Graham. _ And on the sixth day of every month she lights a candle to remember Marshal. “By lighting the candles, it means he existed,” ” -she explains. She says it’s easy to feel badly when life starts to get back into a routine after a’ loved | one is | gone. ' “You get angry for the day moving 0 on with no recognition of his existence. So, to light a candle " is a recognition of his existence.” _ As for Kirsten, she’s beginning to take sing-. ing lessons as a way to honour the creative spirit — of her brother. She also hopes to collaborate on a short film project with her boyfriend — it'll ex- plore Marshal’s life and the events leading up to his death. _A public forum on. suicide awareness and prevention: happens March 15 from 7-9 p.m. at the Best Western Inn. Anyone is welcome. For — features a small bronze plaque with Marshal's. name inscribed on it. Having it placed i in the park . re enpnenmanunnal CORRESPONDENCE FOR THE TERRACE STANDARD The Mail Bag. An inspiration to. all Dear Sir: I first met Mrs. Douglas when I! was six c years old; she was an avid supporter of the Pacific Northwest Music Fes- tival and in later years would come to realize how gener- ‘ous she was.to the entire community of Terrace. I can still remember our first encounter: She wore a beautiful navy suit, high heels, her hair was elegantly “nails. It’s funny what you remember when your only six, but in later years is one of things I greatly admired. She was one class act! Every year Mrs. Douglas came to’ support all the par- ticipants at the music festival. ] remember her asking me ‘questions about how long I had been playing the violin and who my teacher was. She told me to make sure I thanked to learn the gift of music. >. At the REM Lee theatre she had her very own seat and - I remember thinking how important she was. She was at ” every recital, concert, supporting the-arts in every degree. I would look into the audience and she would always. be — ‘there, listening intently and giving.that suppottive nod. As I grew older, I heard her speak in public on many “occasions. One in particular was very moving. She had not been well, but was determined to be part of the of- : ficial Terrace Riverboat. Days ceremonies. As. the fire- man brought’ her on stage she made, some funny remark © about arriving in style. She spoke fluently, gracefully and with ease. She always sounded like ‘she had rehearsed her ‘speeches for days, but I knew she hadn’t. Later I told her I had enjoyed her speech. She said” “Oh, good, I always like to hear feed back.” I smiled and . ‘thought how lucky, the community of Terrace was to have such a remarkable women that shared her wisdom, beliefs. and most of all her unconditional love. While Vesta was at Mills Memorial and Terraceview Lodge and unable to go to the music festival, I would visit: Terrace mini-strings with me or my cousins. She was al-" ways happy to see us’ and especially enjoyed the fact Thad some of my own violin students. ” _wise words of wisdom.to share. “If you work hard you will achieve success. You must be kind and treat everyone . | with respect.” Vesta was also very funny and never ‘lost her sense of humour. One particular time while I playing for her at-the hospital she told me to go and play for.a .few other patients as they needed more help then. her. It. soon approaching. As I was leaving her hospital room she remarked; “Jamie you make sure you come up and Play. for. my birthday. I’m not going anywhere!” The next time I saw. her she. had a yellow squish ball” "I that she was doing exercising | with to strengthen her hand and she talked. about her ¢ dear husband. I played her a few Scottish tunes and always ended with “Love i is like a Ted, red, rose.” I was not tbe able to attend Vesta’s memorial tribute as I: am away, at-university.. I know Vesta would understand as she. already | knows what I. would play for her.: bes “Forever i in my heart, |*" ~.* oo os Jamie Elizabeth Norton, University of Victoria, ‘Victoria, I B.C... A Vesta memory Dear Sir: Vesta was my principal at Uplands School for Grades 4, 5 and 6 in the late 1950s. Lots of good memories. It. “was a small school then and was officially opened by Mr.. Peterson, then the Minister of Education. She explained to - me that I wouldn’t be able to sing in the choir at the official ‘instead which ‘was fine with me. : ae we Brigitta v: van n Heek Teacher, Hazelton Secondary, _ » Hazelton, B. Co ‘Sisters say thank you - To the many friends, neighbours, colleagues, former students and care-givers of Vesta Douglas: *' life so meaningful. Vivian McLeod . We'll be back | ; os ‘Dear Sir: © The national. election results have ‘made it very clear" that Canadians are going to keep ali the political parties . the public interest and is not merely working for partisan. political advantage. The collective electorate is amazingly: . shrewd. and the results should speak volumes: to all those who are tempted to abuse the public trust. I commend Nathan Cullen on, his success in winning. he does indeed get “results for working people” and to see if he provides the kind of balanced representation we so - badly need here. After all, there can be no jobs for “work- ing people” without providing support to industry and em- ployers. And, it will be very interesting to observe how: ‘effectively the NDP will. function within a ‘Conservative led minority parliament. ' Lalso stand both the NDP and Conservatives on notice: on short term loan. They should consider it a loan to be re- paid with interest when the Liberal Party has reestablished must be earned. opposition, I am optimistic that a refocused and revitalized — Liberal Party will emerge and provide an attractive option . | in this riding and. throughout Canada. I: look. forward to” playing ¢ an active role in that’ process. oo . * Gordon Stamp-Vincent, - Liberal al candidate, Skeena-Bulkley ‘Valley, A : a _ Prince Rupert, B.C . About the Mail Bag is 3210 Clinton St. Terrace, B.C. V8G 5R2: You can ‘fax us at 250-638-8432 or e-mail us at newsroom@ terracestandard.com. No attachments, please. Styled, and she had the most wonderfully painted finger my teacher and my parents for giving me the opportunity and play my violin for her. Sometimes I would bring the © opening as my voice was too low. I Tgot to ‘stand next to her Vesta’s sisters, : - Lorene Magnus |” on a short leash until one party can prove that it serves. . reelection. I will be watching closely to monitor whether ~ a ‘that the votes that were “borrowed” in this past election are | With the coming leadership 1 race and a “time out” in :. The Terrace Standard welcomes letters. Our address | Name, . Sy address and phone number required for verification. ——. “ee was the beginning of September and her 93 birthday was | We appreciate the love and kindness shown to her. We. -_ wish to extend our sincere thank you to all ‘who made her ‘Even.as her health was failing she always had § some ° — trust and credibility with the voters - a trust that we know - - A a Meo 2h