4 A supplement to the Terrace Review/Shames Mountain. 1990 Thate this. @"H& sport! — | hate this @*!#& sport! By Stephanie Wiebe For those non-skiers who may be considering a venture in- to the exciting sports of downhill skiing, Shames offers a variety of programs to welcome new participants. Before you mount those skis, however, there are a few skiing terms that every new athlete should understand: Snow — White flakes of ice. Skiers become obsessed with this stuff. The weather is an uncon- trollable force, but it’s like that on a northern mountain, there will be some snow. Still, snow- - crazed skiers will listen intently to radio stations, scan newspa- pers, and browbeat local wea- therpersons in an attempt to re- search the measurement of the snow ‘‘base’’ and new accumu- lation. For this reason, weather- people have unlisted home phone numbers- and vicious guard dogs. Other skiers quietly pray for snow. It’s been rumour- ed that these snow zealots will occasionally solicit extra support from church officials in hopes of pleasing some higher weather- being — a ridiculous practice, considering that church officials also ski and have already put in a good word, Boots and Bindings — Devi- ces designed to firmly attach human feet onto skis, while at the same time release same feet in the event of the Human- Snowball Syndrome (see below). Bunny Slopes — These are the hills for beginners—the ones that they say will have no trees to ski into. Except at the bot- tom, there’s usually one harm- less-looking little. pine tree to snag non-athletic writers, who were promised that skiers run- ning into trees is an unlikely event, exaggerated in Disney carioons. It didn’t hurt—much. Snowplow — How to stop. Pay attention to this lesson— when flying down a slippery snow-covered mountain at 35 km per hour, stopping is one skill you’ ll be glad to know. Par- ticularly if that pine tree is around, T-Bar, Chair-lift — These contraptions are designed to move skiers uphill, an unnatural direction for people wearing fi- berglass boards strapped onto their feet. Imagine explaining this situation to a Martian alien. Moguls — These are bumps in the snow, which skiers hate but are created by skiers. They make the run rough and difficult to navigate. Be careful around large moguls—a few non-athlet- ic writers have been found bur- ied beneath these irritating lumps of snow (see ‘Human Snowball Syndrome’’, below). Human Snowball Syndrome — This is another ‘‘only in car- toons” myth. H.S.S. is rare, but can evolve from over-enthusias- tic non-athletic writers trying to ski beyond their capabilities. Se- vere H.S.S. often results in “Pine Tree Slamming Syn- drome’’. Cool Ski Look — Among ski- ers, there seems to be a belief that if you look good, you ski better, The most expensive, up- to-date skiwear is available to anyone with a decent credit rat- ing, but please note: Skiing abil- ity is NOT at all related to neon colours. Of course, Aerodyna- eh eno emf Se mic Scientists have proven statis- tically that blondes ski better than those with darker hair, and’ those with foreign accents ski best of all. Beginners — People who have watched Olympic skiing on tele- vision, and think it looks easy. A tip from a veteran beginner: Never allow anyone you like to teach you to ski. As you fly off the T-bar, run down innocent chitdren, slam into a tree and collapse headfirst into a snow- bank, screaming, ‘I HATE THIS @*!# SPORT!’’, your pro-skiing friend, husband, girl- friend, who-ever will cringe with embarrassment and you will (naturally) blame them for the injuries suffered. It’s also better if a professional ski instructor cleans up all that bright red blood, which looks so intense against the clean white snow. Adult Beginners — Just when you think that you’re skiing fair- ly well, some cute five-year-old will whiz past you at an amaz- ing speed, skiing circles around each adult on the run, while bal- ancing a ski pole on his nose and singing ‘‘Go Tell Aunt Rhody... The Old Grey Goose is Dead.” This incites a severe depressive reaction in older, clumsier ski- ers, who now feel older and clumsier. This is why some adult skiers carry full wineskins at all times. Children: HAVE MER- cy! It’s both exciting and fright- ening to begin a new sport. By understanding the sport’s ter- minology and equipment, a per- son can attack the white slopes with confidence. But, just to be safe, stay away from that pine tree. Reprinted with permission of . ‘The Ingot ‘What would you say if someone told you northem B.C. downhill skiers will be skiing an area ski hill with more than eight feet of © snow in 15 days? What would you say if someone told you this hilt boasts the latest in grooming equipment, 1,600 feet of vertical drop and a brand new chairlift and an access road with ‘ only one switchback? What would you say if this ski “hill were only one hour and 15 minutes away from Kitimat? ' Believe it or not, what you’ve: _ just read is exactly what Alcan ski program organizer Stan Green told the Ingot earlier last week, follow- . ing his first visit to Shames Moun- tain ski hill. "I was very excited by . what I saw on the hill," he recalls. - “It’s a gorgeous mountain. “CLEARING THE MISCONCEP- TIONS "There are a few misconceptions I'd like to clear up right now, however," he continues. “First, the road is in very good condition. It’s _ Bfeet of snow in 15 days ~ more ‘than three-cars in width and. _ the one switchback will not present “a problem. to motorists..In‘fact, 1. think a highway limousine will be - - able to-make it up.to the top," he ~— _confirms. A handle. tow will ‘be installed : later this season for beginner skiers - and children, They have at least five feet of snow at the base, eight-feet at the: top of the chairlift and at least 12. - feet at the top of the Tar," he- points out. "The snow is gorgeous, dry pow- _ der, not at all wet and heavy like © - everyone predicted,” he notes. PROCEEDING ON SCHEDULE Work at the base: is proceeding on schedule. A Prince George. building mover has been hired to move the old Kitsumkalum lodge. 40 the new ski hill. "The corpor- ation plans to have the old chalet on site by December 10 and ready. ‘for use by Christmas," Stan con- tinues. "Grooming will be done throughout the night (with the two new Prinoth grooming machines) so that when skiers begin arriving, the runs will be ready to ski, SKI EQUIPMENT] for Christmas Rossignol STS Carbon "Retail Price $400.00 BOOT | Salomon SX72, Sug. Retail Price .esse.ce-s.«.$395.00 Led DINGS 8 Salomon $757, Sug ceovoree 220,00 Komperdell, Sug. Retail Price cere renan$29. 95 | Total Package Value.........81044.95 Sant tee tac, nF tere i gear St nae AS Spal ainda Dh Sata