Qe ce ume —_ + As everyone who uses our public library knows, the library staff are courteous and friendly, always” welcoming the reading public with a bright and cheerful smile. Except in my case; lately I’ve | begun noticing that the smiles have become somewhat strained. This probably has something to do with my mounting overdue fines. - I write reviews of library books for this newspaper, and therein lies the problem. I put reserves on new books as they come into the library, before they are cata- logued into the computer and put . out on the shelves. I try and bal- ance my choices with no more than eight weeks’ worthof reviews, but letting me loose with all those books is like letting a bull run loose in a china shop. An avid book lover from way back, I simply can’t resist all those snappy titles and catchy dust jacket designs. I lose all sense of perspective and gleefully slap ‘my resérve onto anything that even remotely looks like its got two covers with pages stuck in between. Once, in a-misguided effort to assist me (or maybe it was revenge), the staff quickly cata- logued all my reserves and promptly had them ready and waiting for me in no time flat. The result: 50-odd books piled on - and around my office desk, all due back within the month. That Laundry is a complicated science. A few years ago, manu- facturers tried to simplify things by putting universal laundry- instruction-hieroglyphics on cloth- ing tags. Wanting to be an edu- cated consumer, I became fluent in deciphering laundry pictures. 1 memorized the "machine wash" symbol, the "hand wash" symbol, and the ominous "dry clean only" symbol. I even found one tag featuring all those sym- bols crossed out, and the words "Do not wash, do not dry clean". I guessed it meant, "Don’t bother to buy this, you'll only get it dirty and it cannot be cleaned." Recently, I’ve noticed a new trend in clothing tag prose. In- creasingly, the standard laundry hieroglyphics are followed by two printed words: "wash separately". In my own closets, I can find a hoard of these "wash separately" items. Now, I’m not one to encourage irresponsible laundry practices, but the prospect of 25 or 30 teeny-tiny loads of Jaundry is not enticing. Considering an average family of four, a person could easily spend their prime years of adult life chained to a Maytag, With this vision in mind, I reck- lessly toss all these “wash separ- was one of my darker periads as a book reviewer. Keeping track of the dozen or so books constantly loitering around my house has turned into a dread- ed chore. I once found a mis- placed book neatly filed between the hamburger and the sausages in the freezer, Another stray turned up inside my husband’s underwear drawer, and while I believed him when he swore he didn’t put it there, I keep a close eye on him now. don’t need any help running up my library tab. Friends will sometimes read a good book and then lend it to me in the hopes that I will review it. Because I am basically an honest person, I always feel obligated to point out that the book has been borrowed on their card and as such is their responsibility. No one lends me books anymore. Sometimes people will ask me if I’ve reviewed any good books lately. When you have to read a minimum of 16 books per month the titles and story lines blend together into a confused hodge- podge. No doubt alarmed at my glassy-eyed stare, these peaple now tend to avoid me. Any day now I expect to see a library hit list of unsavoury bor- — rowers with my name pencilled in at the top in big bold letters and — underlined three times in red ink. That's notoriety for you. ately" clothes into the machine together, throw in the soap and slam the lid, humming "Born To Be Wild". Yes, sometimes I live on the edge. The clothes seem to survive the trauma. So then, why are they labelled "wash separately"? I figure this phrase provides the manufacturers’ legal protection, against hassles which may arise when clothes don’t survive the washing process. If the sweat- shirts shred and the jeans fray, I couldn’! complain. I wouldn’t have a legal leg to stand on. I ignored the manufacturers warn- ings. I didn’t wash separately. "It’s stated clearly on the label, your honour," the company’s _ overpaid lawyer would explain in the Supreme Court. "She's com- Mitted first degree laundry abuse.” I guess this column would be "exhibit onc", And the laundry product labels are just as bad as the clothing lags. I began reading bottles and boxes when my roll of fabric softener sheets fell out of the box and rolled across the floor. As | awkwardly rewound the sheets and sluffed them back into the box, I notlced the printing on the ‘box that read, "Locked-in roll - — won't fall out." Terrace Review —— Wednesday, October 23, 1991 9 FIRECHIEFS FOR A DAY-— Terrace fire chief Bob Beckett made a special call last week, picking up Jessica Cooey at Parkside school, making her Fire Chiet for a Day; her companion fire chief Natalie Warner was picked up at Thornhill Elementary school by Thornhill volunteer chief Art Hoving. They were. treated ‘to breakfast, at McDonald's,. toured City Hall, participated in a fire ~ extinguisher drill at the Terrace Fire Department and ended their tour at the Thornhill Fire Department, before returning to their schools to share their experiences and have lunch. Further investigation put more furrows in my brow. The box of ' "Ultra" detergent claims to wash — - 40 loads. This claim is printed in large bold letters at the top of the box. In tiny letters on the side, near the bottom, the box reads, "This package contains forty scoopfuls when measured by weight. The precise number of scoopfuls will vary somewhat with the method of scooping and settling during shipment." Method of scooping? I didn’t know there was any method to scooping. | You dip in the scoop and lift it out. Is there more than what my mother taught me? And this "settling" thing — isn’t it sup- posed to settle during shipment? Doesn’t the manufacturer plan on that occurrence? If there’s forty scoops in the box when it leaves the plant and only thirty seven by the time I bring it home from the store, then shouldn’t the label say "thirty seven scoops"? Is the label for the manufacturer or the con- ~ sumer? For some products, you have to read between the lines. The label on my slain remover specifically lists the stains it will not remove. The label actually says it "will not remove” — it doesn’t say "cannot" remove, but "will not", as if the product refuses to coop- erate. For those stains which the — remover is graciously willing to attack, the label says that the stain should be treated and laundered immediately. "Do not allow stain remover to dry before laundering." Why not? Would it stain? I’m not going to read instruc- tions anymore. Laundry was a lot easier when | didn’t know what I was doing. Friends of Schizophrenics. to meet in Nass Valley — Contributed The B.C. Friends of Schizo- phrenics (BCFOS) 4th Annuai Conference will be held Oct, 25 and 26 in the Nass Valley. Anyone who is interested in learning more about this disabling brain disease affecting one out of every 100 people is invited to attend. Schizophrenia is surrounded by myths, a common one being that it is a disorder involving multiple personalities. This is not true. Schizophrenia does not cause its victims to be dangerous, or violent. It does cause eccentric behaviours, like talking to ones self or "people" others can’t see or hear. AS one victim of the disease wrote: "All I wanted to do-was sit and listen to my voices. They are very insistent and difficult to ignore and because the voices can be heard, they produce an appro- priate emotional response which may not correspond ‘with the events outside the person’s head." ‘Aside from causing chaos and the destruction of its victims’ lives, schizophrenia also affects the family and friends of victims through guilt, inability to help and - other fiuman tragedies. Dr. Philip Long, a Vancouver psychiatrist who specializes in treatment of schizophrenics, will give the introductory address Fri- day night. Organizers say billeting and accommodation are available through the Nisga’a Valley Health Centre. If you would like more informa- tion about Schizophrenia, attend the Oct. 25 and 26 conference to share and learn how BCFOS helps support, inform, advocate, and promote research to conquer the - myths and disabling effects of this disease, Call 846-9147 or 633- 2212 for more information or your local mental health centre.