Bill Smiley

About Ms
weddin

_ By BILL SMILEY

Weddings are for women.
During the entire ritual, as
practised in our society, men
are inarticulate, inept, and in
the way.

This was my conclusion
after attending the recent

PAGE 2, THE TOWNSMAN, Thursday, July 21, 1977

welding of a niece. Not that .

‘it wasn’t a lovely wedding. It

_ was. She's a grand and

beautiful giri,- Lynn Buell of
Brockville, and with the aid

- of her young sister Pam, her
remarkably calm mother,

_and her fairly distraught

father, she came through the
ceremony with flying colors.
She even “did fairly welt

Title .

Ds Doo Ron Ron ~ ‘Shaun Caseldy .

Undercover’ Angel Alan O'Day.

i'm In You - , Pater Frampton

“nowing Me, Knowing You =. Abbe

1 Just Want To Be Your ’ Andy Gibb |

Everything

Looks Like We Made it Barry Manilow

Never Had A Lady Before- Burton Cummings -

Timeless Love , .

Margaritaville. Jimmy Buffett

Give A Little Bit Supertramp

You Made Me Belleve in Bay City Rollers

Magie : :
. Barracuda - Heart

We're Here For A Good Time Trooper ;

My Heart Belongs To Me Barbra Streisand

Stow Dancin’ Don't Turn Me Addrisi Brothers

On .

Telephone Man Meri = Wilson

Do You Wanna Make Love Peter McCann

Go To Give It Up Marvin Gaye

Lonely Boy Andrew Gold

Higher and Higher ‘Rita’ Cocledge

1 Don’t Wanna Forget You

Denise MeCann

4604 Lakelse Avenue |

2

for herself,"’ as we used to
say. She- hooked a doctor.
Well, at any rate, a medical
student. All she has to.do is
support him for three or four
years, and they'll he rolling
in medicare.”
. Heseems like-a decent, i in-
offensive chap, like all the
other males at the wedding.
At least he had on a shirt and

‘tie, and didn’t: want to get.
married in jeans and beads
and ‘a caftan, like so many
young punks these days, He
doesn't even have a beard, so
he may be OK.

But he was practically un-
noticed, there: was such a
craning. of necks among the

- women, to see what and why

_ each other was wearing.

. Please don’t get the ides
that I'm down on weddings. 1
think they ‘are.fine, and I'll

" ‘go down to the church on a
nice summer day with the
best of them, and get a

neck, and reach over and
_ hold the old lady’s hand
when the parson intones,
“for better and for worse, in
sickness and in health, for -
richer anid for poorer,”? and:
all that stuff that makes your

sight.

_ And I don’t mind the two
or three hundred dollars it
cost me to‘attend, Not at all,
The last wedding 1 was at —
my daughter’s — cost five
times that, and. all I've got
out of it is two grandbabies
and the establishment of the

Bill Smiley Benevolent Fund
which | caters to indigent
daughters, their husbands,
and any offspring they may -
have.

Nor did it bother me in the
slightest.that 1 had to drive

my niece given away. There

THURSDAY

3&6

4

. prickting at the-nape of my

hair stand on end with hind-

600 miles, round trip, to see —

was a torrential tain all the
‘way there, and heat and a.

hangover from a magnificent
reception all the way home,
but that goes with the ter-
ritory. .

What I did mind, just
slightly, now, was the frenzy
of preparation during the

"three weeks before the wed-

ding.

Right from the beginning,
I was aware that I was going
to be stuck~for a wedding
dress, one of those creations
that women tan wear once

and never again, unless they.

have some sense, which most
women don’t have, when it
comes toa wedding.

However, I just shrugged
this off. You can't take it
with you, not matter what
route you choose to go.

But little did I realize that

my wife was going to do
three things simultaneously:

“create her own costume for

the wedding; lose 10 pounds;
and get a tan. Just try it,
ladies,

She is one of those people

who don’t know their own

limitations, demand perfec-
tion, and drive everyone

‘around them straight out of

his skull. -

Since she started sewing a
year or so ago, she thinks she
can tackle anything in the
ahute couture line. 1 granted
that she could whip outa golf

» skirt or pair of smashing

slacks in a day, and knock

Off T-shirts for the midgets

in the family while the dishes
were soaking, but I was leery
about her tangling with a
wedding dress.

First week was sheer hell. 1
told her to knock out a “‘lit-
tle, white dress” for the wed-
ding, and she came up with
some old wives’ tale that you

can’t wear white to a wed- ,

ding — that’s reserved for
the bride.

In addition, the sun didn’t
shine for tanning, and the
diet seemed a dead loss.

Second week was a repeat.
But she did make a panic trip
to the .city to buy material,
the sun shone for one day,
hae font & Pound and a

Third week. The material
she chose was raw Indian
silk. Great stuff 10 work .
with. Look at itsideways and

- it. resembles a newspaper

that’s ‘been left out in the
rain.

But the sun ‘shone. She
stole'a half-hour a day from’
her 10-hour sewing stint for
sun-bathing. And suddenly
the scales began to work, in-
stead of sticking, as they had
been for two weeks. .

In the midst of it all, so
wound up about weddings
are women, she found time
todash out and buy mea pair
‘of pants and a fine new white
shirt. 1 was going to wear my
old gray flannels that I
bought thrge years ago for
$18 and a clean golf shirt.
The pants are a bit. lumpy
around the pockets from .
carrying keys, $6 in change, -
and golf balls, and the shirt.
has a cigarette burn in the
collar, but. otherwise ther’re
‘fine.

There was no way she was
going to get me to buy a pair
of black shoes, so she said I~
could wear my hush-puppies
and she’d say 1 forgot my
dress shoes, :

Not only did she finish a
real zappovof a skirt with a |
matching vest, but a potka-
dot blouse to go under it.
New shoes, of course, a tan,
and — believe it or not —a
brand new figure with almost -
15 pounds vanished into thin
air, She was a knock-out,

Why don’t women put all
this creativity ‘and willl
power into something besides.
a wedding?
© The Argyle SyndicateLtd. °

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| THE BOBO

Peter Sellers, - Britt, Ekland,
Rossano Brazzil, Adolfo- Call.’
Shy, bumbling matador dreamis .
of becoming Spalin’s most
popular troubador. He Is
promised a theater booking If he

» can woo and win a local gold.
} lasing beauty within ‘three

ys. .

mc. *
MILLAN: PHILLIPS GAME
A charming hitman informs

_ Mac that he Is his next victim,

and then proceeds to harass him
In the most eloquent ways -
right in the midst of a homicide
Investigation. “Guest stars
Shirley Jones, Tony Roberts,
Nina: Foch, Lloyd Bochner. end
Willlam Windom.

ERIC
Fitmed aon location In Seattle
end Southern Callfornia this
film was first seen November .
16, 1975, on the “Hallmark Hall
of Fame.” Lee Rich was.
Executive ©

Lorimar. Productions. A fact.
based drama about young Erle . :

Lund (John Savage). and his
hergle determination to live his. _
} Ife to the fullest knowing that
he ls terminally Ill from, cancer. .

Producer . for - ; ;