.

Page 24, The Herald, Tuesday, June 24, 1900,-

Local search and rescue squad members
demonstrate how they go down a sheer face to
help a fallen climber or pick someone up off a
cliff. Their services were called into play this
weekend to rescue a lad who fell _at Kleanza
Creek. This demonstration took place ‘at the
arena during the weékend’s festivities.

Identity search
more than words.

VANCOUVER (CP) — The
search for identity is more’
than psychological jargon to
many native Indians.

They are the cultural
victims of being placed in
white foster homes in the
days — nat Jong ago — when
the idea was to erase their

pclen | Rutter, 26, a
telephone receptionist at the
United Native Nations office
here, is a Tsawwassen In-
dian, but for most of her
growing years didn’t know it,

Blake Alexander Rupert,
who for 27 of his 56 years has
lived in a wheelchair, has
just recently established his
links with the Salteaux In-
dians of Manitoba.

“We are living in a
vacuum, not knowing our
heritage,"" says Richard

Verdan, 36, a social work -

instructor at Vancouver
Community College.
Verdan found his roots in
the Sugar Cane band at
Williams’ Lake, B.C., while
he was studying for his

master's degree at the.

University of B.C.

He wasn’t a foster child,
but his father took another
name and turned his back on
his heritage when he went

overseas as a soldier during.

the Second World War.

The father married in
England, took his discharge
there and played
professional hockey in 4
British league before re-
turning to Canada with his
war bride and five children.

Verdan grew up in Ontario
‘and didn’t begin to wonder
about his background until a
relative from Williams Lake
visited his father, who
wasn’t Interested in
restoring the connection.

Verdan finally found that
his father was included on
the Sugar Cane band ist as
Hector Aby.

It took him two years to |
‘collect all the affidavits,
marriage and-birth cer- |

tificates needed to prove his
identity.

Ms. Rutter remembers
being taken to her white

foster home in Richmond, |

south of Vancouver, when
she was three. Her family of
five broke up because her
father, a fisherman, could
not provide for them.

“The social worker said
‘This.is your new home,’ and
the woman tried to bribe me
with an orange,” she said. "I
hated it.”

She realizes now that her
foster parents were trying
their best at a time when the

-accepted wisdom was to cut

off all ties between a native
child and his past. .

But it hurt when she saw
her father on the street and
was nat allowed to run to
him. _And when she
recognized her brother at a
playground and took him
home for a meal, “they
kicked him out.”

Her mother: used to walk
past the house, hoping: for a

glimpse of her daughter..Ms, -

Rutter wondered about the
strange woman at the time,
but was 18 becore she
learned the woman was her
mother.

Rupert tells a similar story
of being placed ina Winnipeg
orphanage after the death of
his mother,
separated from his father, 4

Fort Alexander Indian.

His two sisters were sent to
a convent and later all three
were sent to foster homes.

His. sisters got birth cer-
tificates under their foster
names, but Rupert ran away
and joined the army.

After serving in Europe
and Korea and getting
married, he was paralysed
in & truck accident.

servant,

who was J

MONTREAL (CP) Uthe
cially, Renee's lover. slept'in
the guest room. . \

That's where hif overnight’

_ ease and his slippers stayed.

And that's where Renee's
teenage daughter © was
supposed to think he stayed.
Renee, a 49-year-old civil
was: divorced~ 13
years ago, when her
daughter Vivien was 10.
Renee’s lover, Claude, ap-
peared on the scene two

‘years later, For the next

three. years, Claude was
supposed to be staying in the
guest bedroom.

“One weekend a real guest

appeared to spend the night |

in the guest room.
What abaut Claude?
“Claude can sleep wilh
you, Mommy,” Renee
remembers Vivien saying.
“She turned and looked me
straight in the eye and said,
‘It won't be the first time,’

“Then she said she felt. |

sorry for him because he had
to switch beds in the middie
of the night.”

Sex and the single parent.
The single parent and just a
plain social life, never mind
sex,

For a number of single
parents, they’re difficult
topics, |

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On the ‘one hand, the’
Parent has to provide a
model for. the virtues he or
she wants. the children. to
respect. On the other hand,
there’s no point pretending

you’ rea non-sexual béast,’’

as . stockbroker Stephen
Raphael, a widower, puls it.
Or that you don’t need adult
company,  —~

“Not that the two functions
are mutually exclusive, but
it's ‘always unwise {to do
something you're ashamed
of,” says Raphael, father of
a 10-year-old girl and
recently engaged to be
married.

“Personally Ym not a

” great’ believer, in skulking
around but [ don't believe in -
Tubbing anyone’s nose in.

anything either.”

The key is to be honest
ae your children, Raphael
sai

“Children have. excellent
intuitive qualities. If you
behave naturally, children
will respond much better.

“What will upset children
is if there appears to be
something serious going on
but no one is admitting it.

Marilyn, 49 and the
divorced mother’ of three
teenage girls, observes that

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‘vhildren want .to know how
any changes are going to
affect them.

“When their father remar-
ried, they were against. it:

‘And my ex-husband was
very smart about how. he
handled that. He simply told

them al the outset this is how -
it. was going lo be and they ©
had to get-used to it,

“But they were afraid that
a new wife and her children
meant that Daddy might
‘stop loving them,”

Marilyn's daughters, who

range in age from 13 to 19, ;

DIFFICULT TOPICS
WITH CHILDREN.

suddenly ‘have started en.
couraging their mother to
remarry, -

“T think it's because the

two older ones are at the age.
' when they're about to leave
home and they: have a.pic-

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alone.

“They must think I'll be
there alone knitting in‘front
of the TV, Not bloody
likely!” -

Marilyn decided at the

time of her separation that
her priorities were first the

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‘children, second her job and
third her social life.
’ She has had one “serious »

relationship" in the seven —

years she has been a single
parent. Her daughters -

- fought it all the way.

“] thought at the time they .

of replacing Daddy, that ‘sort,
of thing. °
“But the guy did turn out

to be a loser. It was onetime -

when their judgment was

_ better than mine.

“] asked them later why.

~ they didn’t just come aut and 2
tell me at the time he was.a
jerk, and they said: ‘Weil,
Mommy, we didn’t want. to.
hurt your feelings. After all, -
you picked him’.” © . :
Most single parents view
seriously .the business of in-
troducing a new adult into-
their family life. 'Fhere’s a
lot more at stake,. with

children in the house, than ~

finding out if you like the
person.

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were just being. dreadful broker,

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"workers to get out, get back -

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someone, -

“You have to learn how to
date all over again," advises
Allan Raymond, ‘a single

parent and. insurance

The problem is you're not
18. any. ‘more, You don't

_ believe - every new aren
- you. meet. is a possibility.

You've been mprried, you
have children: You're
operating - on a different
evel. |

Marilyn: ‘says flatly: “I

' miss a long-term sexual
’ relationship. Nothing can
_, Teplace that. My daughters
are missing constant contact

with a- loving male person
and I-worry about that, but
I'm deprived too.”

ase seven. years of |

paration, it’s only in the

Ina si six months that Marilyn

has . even. entertained - the
idea of remarriage. —< ..

But there's a long way be-

tween thinking ‘Wouldn't it.

be nice’: and signing the

marriage certificate.
There's ‘another twist to

being a single mother and

trying to have a social life.’

“My married friends dis-.
appeared after I separated
from my husband,” Marilyn

gg Tha singleparsntandmoralissues.

says.
nA single mother is seen ‘as
a threat, Women are worried
that I'll take off with thelt

_ husbands. Eve often felt ike
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unattractive.
husband who drinks .too
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"But you wouldn't mind’ a

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then, just to talk, to other
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For. a ‘single ‘woman ike
Marilyn, it means her close

‘ women friends, the ones she
depended on when. married .
‘couples gave her the cold “+

shoulder.

It may sound bleak but it’

isn't. After all, being a single
parent still means you have
children

“Having children ig an

unimaginable joy,” Marilyn -

says. ,
Sometimes: you think to
yourself, ‘Would [ do it- all

‘aver again, knowing what I

know now?" And I'd. have to
say yes. I've hid everything.

I've been married, I have

children, I have.a career.
“So the ‘marriage didn’t:

work. I'm not in love. The -

only thing I would have
deeply regretted in my life
would have been not having
children.” ve

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