6 Terrace Review — Wednesday, June 1, 1988 ae

‘Radical lefties |

° Commentary | by Stephanle Wiebe

I’m fighting for a new cause.
Have you heard the news?
Statistics show that left-handed
people die earlier than right-
handed ones. According to the
U.S. Baseball Encyclopedia,
right-handers die at an average
age of 64.64 years, while lefties
die at an average age of 63.97
years. I’m left-handed, and this
information means I’m in a
disadvantaged minority, and
should be entitled to some
- special treatment.

First of all, I think I should
get a government grant to fur-
ther investigate my predicted
early demise. Since people get
government grants for studying
the sex habits of mosquitoes and
for dissecting bear droppings, I
think my application is valid,
too. Then we'll establish a
Ministry of the Left, to organize
the protection of this en-
dangered minority. This will in-
volve lengthy expensive lun-
cheons and a few first class
flights back east. On govern-
ment expense accounts, of
course.

Next we must stop discrimina-
tion against these pitifully
doomed people. For example,
banks tend to attach ink pens on
the right side of their wickets.
It’s very awkward for a left-
hander to sign a cheque, and
most likely causes enough stress
to shorten his life by a millise-
cond. All institutions displaying
such blatent disregard for left-
handers. will be
disciplinary action. (For the first
offense, just a slap on the wrist
— the left one, of course).

And who decided the postage
stamp should go on the right
corner of the envelope? or that
television dials should always be
to the right of the screen? and
who invented the phrase, ‘‘Right
on’?? What’s wrong with “‘Left
on’’? We must deal with these
inconsiderate habits.

And there’s more prejudice
against my minority. Look up
‘left-handed’ in the dictionary,
and you'll see words like ‘clum-
sy’, ‘awkward’, ‘insincere’, and
‘sinister’. Politically, the left has
always meant ‘liberal’ or
‘radical’. Yes, even Merriam-
Webster has persecuted this
pathetic minority. No wonder
we die young.

You'll see the printing of
bumper stickers and buttons.
‘(Love a Lefty!’’ and “‘Lean to
the Left’’ will be seen on tee-
shirts and jackets, The motor
vehicle. department will be
pressured to legalise ‘free’ left
hand turns on a red light.
Restaurants will set up their
tableware for both left-handers
and right-handers (‘*Will that be
left-handed or non-left-handed

- seating?’”’). The entire country

targets of

will be in an uproar.

Meanwhile, I plan to get all 1
can out of this. If the airlines:
continue to use meal trays with

the coffee cup nestled intoahole Him

on the right-hand side, Pll ex-
pect a discount on my airfare. If
standard transmission autos
have the gearshift on the right, I
shouldn’t be held liable for any
accidents I may cause. And if I
apply for a job as a brain
surgeon and get rejected, it’s
probably because I’m left-
handed, so Pll sue...

[ll need compensation for all
the discrimination plagued on
my left-handed ancestors. When
your taxes are raised to support
my cause, remember that it’s not
easy being a poor pitiful left-
hander. Someday you might
even find a worthwhile cause to
fight for like mine.

Left on!

Adventure playgro

An adventure playground that
once enhanced the E.T. Kenney
Primary School neighborhood
was well used by every youngster
in the area. But it was torn down
two years ago because the main
supporting posts were rotting
and it was considered unsafe.

Community

‘center

support
growing

The ‘“‘Community Centre
Group’, a group of local
residents who have banded
together to investigate the need
for a community center in Ter-
race, recently conducted a ran-
dom survey of 450 residents and
found that 389, or 86 percent,
felt there is a need for a com-
munity center in the city. En-
couraged by this support, the
group is now developing a con-
ceptual design and cost estimates
to be presented to the city next
fall. ST

A spokesman for the group
says that the need for a com-
munity center “‘stems from the

inadequacy of other local

facilities to handle large func-
tions, the difficulty of gaining
access to school facilities and the.
increasing numbers of active
groups seeking locations to
operate their programs.”’

The group says ‘‘a great deal
of work remains to be done”
and anyone wanting to get in-
volved or receive more informa-
tion on the project can contact
Dale at 635-3178 or Pete at
635-5291.

Mclisack at 638-1974,

The Kinsmen Club of Terrace meets the first and third
Thursday of every month, For further info., call Steve

Are you interested in joining an Alzheimer Support
Group to meet and discuss similar difficulties and
possible solutions? Please contact 635-3178.

The Contract Bridge Club plays bridge every 2nd Thurs-
day evening from 7:30 to 10 p.m. All interested players,
please contact Elaine Johnson at 635-2965.

Dick Kilborn, director of business and health programs for Northwest Community College,

presented $275 scholarships from the Northern Institute for Resource Studies (NAS) to four

NWCC students recently. They are (left to right) Pat Lecleir,
and Wendy Ewing. NIRS is an organizat

development in B.C.

Cindy Harvey, Gwen Phillips
ion dedicated to promote and encourage economic

Since that time, everyone has
been working towards the con-
struction of a new playground,
but city and schoo! projects with
a higher priority have caused
postponements.

Now, after a two-year wait,
the schoo! and neighborhood
will once again have an adven-
ture playground. The school
board and city council have both
given.their final approval to con-
tribute $10,000 each to the pro-
ject, and the school _ itself,

1988.

Ib. on May 27, 1988..

If you wish to announce me -
the birth of YOUR baby, please fill out the form \%&
available in the maternity ward at Mills Memorial
Hospital. We will pick up your forms every week.

PHILLIPS: Proud parents Gwen Phillips an
to announce the arrival of their daughter,
born May 17, 1988. Special thanks to Dr. Hoy and the attendants.
WRIGHT & WESLEY — Vivian Wright and Marvin Wesley are pleas- ©
_ed to announce the birth of a son, Marvin Wade Keith Wesley, on
Sunday, May 22, 1988 weighing in at 7 Ib. 14 oz. at 6:14 a.m.

BENSON fl — Mr. and Mrs. Percy Benson II and sisters proudly an-
nounce the birth of Percy Buddy Henry Benson Ill, born at 2:45 p.m.
on May 23, 1988, tipping the scales at 11 Ib. 3 oz.

PECK — Alexander and Linda are pleas
Jason Everett Alexander Peck, welghing in at 7 Ibs. 2 oz. on May 23,

DAVIS — Ken and Audrey are p
Jasmine Elena born May 28, 1988, weighing 8 Ibs. 15 oz.

24-hour Phone
(604)635-4080
Skeena Mall

— FLOWERS
— A DA CARTE

Membor of AFS Wire Service

through the dedication of hard-
working students and teachers,
has raised over $5,000.
According to E.T. Kenney
principal Aj Shepherd, the most
recent fund-raiser was a highly
successful school ‘‘Carnival’’
and raffle that was organized by
parents and raised more than
$1,300 alone, .
Shepherd said other school-
based projects such as ham-
burger and cookie sales and the
operation of the school canteen

LOW & BENNETT — Sharon Low and Sidney Bennett are pleased
to announce the birth of Amanda Ga

d Tony Chief are pleased
8 Ib. 5 oz. Marisa Jade,

ed to announce the birth of

le Low-Stewart weighing 7%

leased to announce the birth of

und to be rebuilt _

contributed towards the project.
He said other money came in
through generous donations
made by Skeena Sawmills, the
Terrace Rotary Club and the
Kinettes. ,

‘We are ready to set the
wheels in motion for construc-
tion this summer,’’ says
Shepherd. ‘“‘My sincere thanks
to all contributors, I know the
children will be excited about the
return of a facility they have
been without for two years.”’

sc abapTd: Sage SE or,