4G - The Terrace Standard, Wednesday, December 27, 1995 Past pain haunts the present — By LILAC ROBINSON MOST OF the victims of abuse have been affected by their . past pains, whether they have been physically, mentally or sexually abused. Most Victims react to their past pain in a similar way in their future, The first one that is important is ihe preverbal powerless- ness. This means that the person who experiences pain as a baby had no such words for it: All tliey. can feel is pain. One example is the loud noise. For instance, ‘a mother’s and/or father’s toud voice when they shout “shut-up!”. The baby would startle and cry as if being hit. - It may be’ other Kinds of abuse. It shows when the. baby imitates what is being done. to it — hair pulling, scratching. etc. When these abused babies grow up, they still jump ata. loud noise and wonder why they feel nervous, Neglect. is enough: 4o ‘make aay baby - feel ‘despondent.’ The baby has failure’ to strive syndrome. They react ‘by the fecling of separation anxiety in their adult years, - This means they do not like to be away from their family for very long. Some may get’ ‘angry real easy and their love . ones wonder why. What is happening. is-that they are sub- consciously relating thelr present pains to their past pains. When a person. ‘accidentally. bumps themselves or ‘falls ~ etc, they féel so-angry that they take it out on the. one who is closest to them, This is.called displaced anger. They are really. subconsciously’ angry at their past offenders. © Another reaction to ‘the past pain is when they feel sick, - It’s as if they were being abused all over again. Their ill- ness or/and pain makes. them feel punished or guilty for being bad etc. When they ‘become aware of the in- appropriate way they” react, then we can deal with it, and overcome our past pain Other examiples are arguments, stress from too much to worry about, name calling, or any other things that’ you may feel that are preverbal. powerlessness, ‘Another reason for how we are affected by our past paia is a leamed behaviour. If my dad beats my mom; then I guess it's what I would do to my wife. Other abuses are most likely learned behaviour, too.Asa | - child, they lost their trust when they were hurt by being _ abused. To feel ‘powerful, they overpower their victim. - This is the only. time they feel good, not knowing Or re- ’ imembering. they are victimizing someone else; inthe same | way that they were abused as children. Some girls set themselves up fo be hurt- because they think they deserve to be beaten, It is because they feel bad about themselves. . ‘ Sometimes they think it’s love and it’s the only time they get attention. ‘They: ‘were-not aware that they were being _abused. Some sexually abused victims feel unloved and "unwanted when they do not sleep with anyone. Olhers may think they deserve'to be used. They are afraid to be alone, ‘T also feel it’s:a mistake to pick on any younger child, thinking. that is how they would help them to be ‘stronger, or to feel powerful for picking on them. Self worth is being threatened. The only way to get back © “up there is to put somebody else down. -- Those who ‘think their loved ‘one is still suffering after they die are being egocentric, causing needless anxiety. There is more, but one must seek professional help to help themselves to get out of the vicious cycle that is not right, CAN my relations.” _Lilge Robinson is a co-counsellor with the Circle of Harmony Healing Society and a psychiatric release worker. CORRESPONDENCE FOR THE TERRACE STANDARD e Mail Bag | How about some names, Mike? Dear Sir: What is Mike Scott’s aim in singling out nalive govern- ment, leaders, and communities yet again? (The Terrace Standard Dec, 6, 1995.) - Does even he know? It seems odd, but telling, that be singles out native governments as being especially corrupt at a time when we have an ex-Prime Minister under inves- tigation, B.C, seem unable to find a Premier who doesn’t. have to resign part way through a mandate, former MLAs are facing prison on the Prairies, and some Canadian mili- lary leaders ate, exposed 38 sadistic, and murderous, in- competents... His so-called. “townhouse” meetings: ry failure, being” Tightly perceived: &S ‘nothing more ‘than a forum for‘in- flammatory Reform. Party bumph, and his party slumping at the polls, it.is éntirély predictable: that he begins to. act the noneve a bully, . ‘using his position to. condemn sinuation did ranior is is the tool of the e demapopue, If he had the decency: to visit the communities and lead- ers ‘he. cotidenns. ‘SQ Teadily he would leara that native. governments: havé to. conduct yearly audits that are hides would have. some: deménstrable nie of protesting the treatmeiit of aboriginal: ‘people in this country, who. are the victims of laws and’ policies that separated them from ws. He only has a history of targeting native People ar and com- munities for his somewhat odd political aims. - It is interesting. to note that | recent public meetings | for the © Haisla and Tsimshian’ negotiations. failed to attract even.a-- handful of people,. ‘This.is-in. stark contrast to Mr. Scott’s: assertions: that there’ ‘is: As much as he would like Canadians to act like a bunch of U.S.-style right wing fanatics, Canadians are Canadians -— tolerant, willing to change and with a well-developed sense of fair play. The fact remains that this is one of the most incredibly difficult issues British Columbians are ever likely to have to deal with. [t will take men and women of courage, in- tegrity and intelligence — people willing to listen, instead of to engage in demagoguery to make it work. Fanatics need not apply. Bruce Hill, Terrace, B.C, We must fight Dear Sir: We are. facing a health. cate. cxisis in Terrace d that scares me. More bed closures will.affect us all,,, _ Ait unavailable bospltal bed aiid &xpenienced Kiiowleddge- “able staff when we.need it is frightening both emotionally ‘and financially. My -family faces expensive trips to Vancouver for specialist care not available here. My husband has been off _ -work for an extended period that has been extended further still due to the waiting list to see a specialist. ‘Imagine the stress and financial burden of no pay che-_ ques. while waiting and waiting for medical expertise. Not to mention the plane fare to get there. . This letter is-to make people aware of the cost of ‘losing 7 more hospital beds and eventually, services, We-must become advocates to save the existing quality of care Mills Memorial Hospital has to offer. _vAf not, many more area residents will soon be stacked on to tte wailing lists down south. 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