aston hat Omy-mor on \Gk-si-mér-dn\ n. a combination of contradictory or incongruous words, as cruel
oul‘ Rindness, long. shorts, good morning. ce

v0 Let's face it, for some of us, getting out of bed hurts. Emerging from a.deep:seven-hour coma

~ is not meant to be a casual exercise in speed. The body needs ‘time to adjust to daylight

. * consciousness, And it’s even more painful to suffer next to the sickeningly perky early-birds who
‘leap happily out of bed to throw themselves recklessly into bright daylight. _

| Those of us left bruised in the wake of these roaring go-getters snuggle deeper into our pillows,

| carefully considering whether or not the day ahead is actually worth the discomfort of leaving our

nest before ‘nine-thirty. Usually, it’s not, but societal pressures and the threat of intense ridicule
” eventually force tis out into the stark reality of morning anyway. : -

_. It's not that late sleepers are a bunch of shiftless, good-for-nothing slugs. It’s a matter of
"genetic biorhythms and energy levels. We're not lazy, We are morning-challenged. _

ct | a Our society has been brainwashed. We are all victims

| of early-morning propagandists. "The early bird gets the

-worm", they say, smugly; What a stupid saying. Whoever

: _s : made this one up was probably blinded by a sunrise, as
. The Way I S ?e I f . it’s plain to see that worms do not-confine themselves to
| _ a dayshift, "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man
healthy and wealthy and wise" is another idiotic maxim.
‘Statistics show that health and wealth bear no relation
to the clock, and as for wisdom, well, consider the worm

myth above. .

Because of these widespread misconceptions, the
wide-eyed enjoyment of early morning hours is generally
seen as an admirable character trait. Early risers are

often loudly smug about their habits. To me, this is like

_ being smug about a wart — it’s a physiological occurrence
rather than an earned achievement, it’s annoying, and
it’s ugly — definitely not something to crow about. -

Then there are those who wake early against their
better judgement. It’s a cruel joke of nature that some
folks who prefer to sleep late, cannot, due to years of
| —— , early-morning propaganda permeating their brains. Their
by Stephanie Wiebe -; eyes uncontrollably pop open with the early birds, These
ee gentle pre-dawn risers envy the late-sleepers, and so may
be forgiven for the hours they keep. .
; - Ag a morning-challenged person, I particularly dread
_ Daylight Savings Time. It ruins a good six months of each year. From January to April, the
impending agony of moving the clock ahead and facing 7:30 a.m. at 6:30 looms heavy over the
- -dark, cold mornings. Then the clock changes, leaving the already suffering morning-challenged —
_- reeling from the blow. It usually takes me. till June to recover from the shock of rising an hour
7 earlier each day. OO . . . |
anaes ~ It’s difficult to comprehend why government blatantly supports early risers by legislating our
-* ¢locks ahead each April, ignoring the other half of the population. Clearly, the morning-challenged.
were not considered when officials made. this decision. Most likely, Daylight Savings Time
originated with some perky wide-eyed politician at an 8:00 a.m. meeting back east, while the rest
-. of the country was still in bed. an —
J The morning-challenged have little means to resist this invasive legislation. A mass rebellion
7 . would only make us late for scheduled meetings and events. Besides, we're too tired to organize.
.° Sleep deprivation makes an effective tool for repressing anarchism.
... Regardless of my objections, this is the weekend for moving clocks ahead. Daylight Savings
ne “Time is upon us. As of next week, you'll actually read this column an hour earlier. Close your eyes,
. jt ain’t gonna be pretty. | -

‘Terrace Review — April 3, 1992