B4 - The Terrace Standard, Wednesday, July 8, 1998 ‘ROB BROWN Phone Wars " Someone is calling me in Terrace Tonight, Calling me on the phone, I pick up the receiver and say hello, But ail I get is the dial tone." -Joe Young, from The SYWIPE Chronicles. Canto IV he’s a big woman, big like a sumo wrestler. She sits behind a big desk, dark brown, heavily grained, heavily veined, oak or black walnut or teak stained the colour of Earl Grey. Her skin is Naugahyde, gray with lumps. Her hair, bunned and pinned with a clip that looks for all the warld like a knitting needle, is the same hue. She looks over her grannied glasses over the ranch sized desk to a directory the size of all the phone books from all the largé cities, towns, villages and whistle stops in North America combined. She reaches out with an ample arm, and grunts as she opens the rhinogeros hide cover. Light glances of the holographic script on the front filing the room with an ethereal glow and the words WORLD WIDE DIRECTORY. The book has spills open to the B’s. She pounds a page with an index finger the size of a bratwurst. The loose flesh under her arm shakes, the desk creaks, the floor groans. She looks up and over the glasses. Her grin is yellow. "Rob Brown, six three five - zero zero five .. four," her maniacal -laugh caroims off the. walls; "Go forth and make his life a living hell."..202., At the command a swat squad of telephone men, clad in distinctive telephone pole motif of Beil Tel camouflage, belts a-dangle with tools and sophisticated digital machinery, scramble over each other and themselves, to execute the or- der, barking phrases like "consider it done, Ma," No sooner are they out the door then the whole episode plays itself out again, more vividly this time with slight, irritating changes io some of the details, My eyes open, I’m sticky, I sit up and pull back the curtain. The air is warm and full of summer rain. Because of the shower there is no bird choir, just an occasional short complaint from a robin. It's still dark, or at least, as dark as it gels in the continual dusk of a June night. The slurping and sucking sounds of big trout spread across the pebbled lake. I lie back down and look at the in- diglo of my watch: 4:17. Four hours later, after breakfast, we're dragging dragons over the weed beds, Webb lifts the paddle from the water and slides it between us with a rasp and clunk magnified by the boat and water and lack of meaningful sleep. I yawn aud rub my eyes, "You tired?" he asks, “Phone dreams...paranoid phone dreams," I say, which inspires a lock of bewilderment, so [ tell him one variant of the dream then the inspiration for it, just to convince him J’m not completely mad. There is a fine line between dream and reality. The soil that feeds the roots of my phone phantasma is easily located. 1 tell Webb how, eighteen years ago, my phone bills began to thicken and lengthen. 1 slit the en- velopes to discover page afler page of lengthy third party long distance calls punctuated with a whopping bill for hundreds of dollars. Alarmed, I went to the local B,C, Tel offices and swore I hadn’t made any of those protracted long distance calls, The clerk was kind and under- standing, assuring me everything would be taken care of. | returned to the telephone company when I started receiving overdue notices from them. No problem, I was told by the same clerk, who as- aured me I would not be billed for the calls [ had not made. I wasn’t, BC Tel cut off my phone in- stead, Afler another trip to the phone company and an inconvenient wait my phone service was restored, Shortly thereafter another bill came with another long list of long distance calls billed to my num- ber and a charge for reinstalling my phone ser- vice. I went back to the BC Tel offices. I was reassured everything would be fine. It wasn’t We went through 4 replay of the first scenario, and I was back at the phone offices once more asking to have my phone reconnected. Then, on one cold winter night, an operator called. Florence Brown would like to make a long distance call an chatge my number, was this OK, the operator asked. This was she, the lady who rested, Get the Phone Cops on it. ae Next week Phone Wars Il... fell in love with long distance, the burr under my , saddle, the source of my phone woes. "No,” I was: emphatic. { explained the problem. "Have her are. THEY MAY NOT be pro’s but Melita Bracken and Richard Krieg] are putting Terrace tennis on the provincial map. Both competitors ranked TERRACE STANDARD. Prix Number Four Tourna- ment June 25-28. Bracken squashed her competition in the women’s singles C Category, but lost in the B event to the number high in the Kelowna Grand one seed provincial player DOUBLE TROUBLE! Tennis duo Alex Kotai, who was raised in Kitimat, and Terrace's Richard Kriegl in action last week. | It’s tennis time! in ber third set, Krieg] lobbed his way to the quarter finals in the Inen’s open singles only to lose out in his third set. Krieg] also competed in doubles cvents with Alex Kotai. Both Bracken and Kriegl expect to be one of BLC.’s top 50 tennis players this season. lf Bracken does well at an upcom- ing match in Prince George, she could nail a top-10 slot in the women’s singles C events. Krieg] hopes to place within the top 30 of the singles B Category after tournaments in Richmond and ’ Vancouver's Stan- ley Park this sum- mer. Kamloops stalls local fastball heroes THE NORTHWEST Mer- chants are at it again. Hot off a 4-1 tournament in Prince George, the Mer- chants placed third out of 11 teams in the Williams Lake Stampede Tournament June 26-29, Pitcher Rod Funk shut out the hometown Williams Lake Overlander Bulls 7-0 in the team’s first game. -In the second match, Greg’ “ike pitched: "a witating . “game, over, the,.100 Mile ‘House Journeymen. Jonathan Hunt hit a homer in the fourth inning to put the Merchants on top 4-2. Then there was trouble. The first-place Merchants met their match against two different Kamloops teams. “Our bats went cold on the last day,’’ said Mer- chants representative Ken Veldman. An almost unbeatable Rebels’ pitcher shut down three Merchants’ hitters. Adding insult to injury, the Rebels then hit three home runs off Merchants’ pitcher Rod Funk. The struggling Merchants Jost the gaine 1-4, ‘In the second game of the day the Merchants did bet--: ter, hitting three runs in the seventh against the Kam- loops Juniors. Unfortunately, the Mer- chants lost the game a re- spectable 5-7. League play against Prince continued George's Taylor and Taylor last weekend at North West Community College fields in Terrace. It was one of few op- portunities many locals had to see the upstart team play on home turf. The rookie team is new to the Prince George League, but many team members are comfortable with each other "having played together since ‘fille Ibague * cee st Players will use. two up- coming tournaments = in Prince George July 10-12 and again on July 18-19. They plan to use the com- petition to sharpen their bat- ting skills before they head to Provincials in Vancouver at the end of July. PUTTING THE pedal t to the medal, local logger James Braid won first place at the Prince Gearge All Bikes Drags Race last week, Braid revs up Prince George speedway AFTER WINNING J the Prince George All Bike Drags Race last week, Jim Braid has become one of B.C.'s top ten Street Class racers, And he doesn’t plan to stop there, By mid-August, after Ca- nadian Motorcycle Drag Races in Saskatchewan, Ashcroft and Mission, Braid plans to accumulate enough points to be one of B.C.’s top-five racers. Who would of thought it? Four years ago Braid lost the Prince George drag. Gradually, and with a lot "of practice, Braid moved up _ the association’s food chain, ||: placing seventh, second and finally, first. He rides a highly-tuned 1982 Yamaha Virago, slighilly lightened and modified to boost the car- buretor and exhaust system. But there’s not many places near Terrace where Braid can practice. He currently tows the bike to an old stretch of highway near Shames Mountain. As a member of the Road Runuer Motorcycle Club and together with the Ter- race Drag Race Association, Braid is looking at possible sites for a dedicated drag- strip near Terrace, One track contender would bea plece of forestry land near. thé Terrace- Kitimat Regional Airport. **We’re looking al a place for a Motorplex park,” Braid said. He said a park would be safer because it would allow different kinds of bike speedsters from Terrace and Kitimat to race on a control- led track going one dlrec- tion. Braid hopes it will deter highway accidents like the one on Highway 16 three weeks ago when a new dirt- bike rider, Kristln Acker, died while attempting to . crass Highway 16 with her friends. 7 “Tm a firm believer in a bike area where kids can go.” 638-7283 MELITA BRACKEN with tournament organizer, Tony Lamprect after winning the women's singles C Category in Kelowna June 25-28. Copper climb a real challenge WELCOME TO the Copper Mountain Hill Bike Climb in Thornhill. The race is, well, rugged to say the least. The 8-10 kin track runs straight up Copper Mountain on loose gravel and is considered one of the area’s toughest climbs. Seventeen participants biked uphill, scoring race times five minutes faster than last year. First place winners won bike accessories and $100 worth of tires, but the competition was stiff. Chris Scarborough won the expert category race in one hour 13 seconds squeaking past Brandon Smoley who fin- ished just 20 seconds later. Lance Pierce smoked the sport category by winning his race‘in one hour 12 minutes and 52 seconds’ —. approxi- mately eight minutes before Vincent Drovin and Mike Baber. Debbie Ferguson, the only women competing, finished in one hour 25 mimutes and 35 seconds. All competitors were from Terrace. Sport Scope It’s back! RUN, WALK or roll the 25th Annual Labour Day Classic footrace in Prince George on Sunday, Sept. 6. Thousands of competitors including Terry Fox and Rick Hansen have taken part in what is known as the Iuterior’s — oldest footrace. ; Runners sign up for either the 8.5 mile or 17 mile run. Participants can also walk or join wheelchair, 3-by-3 relay, or parent and stroller divisions, For more information call Dick Voneugen in Prince George at 250-962-7672. Round-robin Soccer CALL iT soccer, world-cup style! The Terrace Nisga’a Tribal Council is holding two open round-robin soccer tournaments at Thornhiil Junior Secondary and Primary fields July 24-26. Two age groups — kids under 12 and kids under 10 — will form eight teams each. Come watch as the teams battle each olher to collect points and trophies. For more information call Lome at 638-0452, Paul at 638-8644 or the council office at 635-4422, Wrestler wins big SPORT B.C. has awarded a $750 scholarship to Hazelton graduate, Catherine Eckhardt. Eckhardt is a straight-A student and was a member of the cross country, soccer, track and field, volleyball and wres- thing teams. She placed third in the 54 kg class at the Girls’ Wrestling Championships in February and plans to study sciences in Alberta this fall. Get Synchronized! . WANT TO learn how to synchronize swim? Batb Essay at the Terrace Pool is organizing Terrace’s first-ever synchronized swimming class for adults. Classes would start this fall and interested parties can sign up by dropping in or calling the pool at 615-3050, Golf tourney to benefit local MS charities SKEENA VALLEY Golf Club will be hosting a 12-hole Texas scramble tournament on Sunday, July 26. All proceeds from the Terrace Tolem Ford Multiple Sclerosis Society Charity Golf Tournament will go to local MS charities. Prizes will be given to first, second and third place teams and a free 24-month lease of a new vehicle will be awarded for holes-in-one. Registration is $200 per person and includes a banquet and entertainment, There is room for 24 teams of four, Singles will be’ organized inte teams. . To tegister, contact the Skeena Valley Golf Club or call - Jake DeJong or Cathy Frennette at 635-4984.