aie

T his week:

Finishing touches

for the coastal

erby Squish depressed the
H intercom button.
, A. "Squirrel?"

"Yeah, boss?"

"You sure you actually watched
Jovial get on the plane... and stay
there?"

"Yeah boss."

“Excellent, Bring me coffee and
a truck load of pencils... I’m going

_ fo finish this thing off today."

Squish hung up the phone. with
snatches of "Oh, what a beautiful
moming,” running through his
head. Squirrel was the best secre-
tary in the business. Highly effi-
cient. Very Professional.

Squirrel wasn’t her real name of
course. Herby had hung that
handle on her “woodsy" 2x12
figure after watching the way she
picked the nuts out of the fruit
cake at last year’s office Christmas
party.

"Quite a gal,” he muttered as he
laid Jovial’s coastal Management
and Working Plan out on the desk.

Herby was still recovering from
the experience of finding his boss

plan

slouched motionless in an office

chair. But he knew Squirrel under- — f

stood. She would bring him. his
coffee in a "tall" cup and place it
gently in his shaking hands.

As the vision crossed his mind,
Squirre! was there. The warm mug
soothing his trembling hands. She
was a magnificent girl. Even did

- her hair in a way that reflected the

strength of the tallest western
hemlock.

"Thanks," he said quietly, slightly

embarrassed by the tone of voice

caused by her presence. But he
recovered quickly.

"Let’s get down to work. There’s
no way of knowing how long
Jovial will play hide and seek with
Weevil and Waffle before he tires
of the game and returns. Let’s get
this done while we can."

And as an afterthought: "What a
character. All that over the export
of a few chips. Wait'll he starts
logging... He ain’t seen nothin’
yet.”

Herby began to scan the draft
report. Finding his place under
Timber Management, he read,

"Section 2.251, Protection. By the
terms of this Licence, a Fire Pre-
organization Plan will be submitted

and updated annually." And then, .

"A commitment will be made to
adhere to the 10 a.m. concept and
to smoke management planning
processes..."

Terrace Review — _ Wedinesdy, March 20, 1991 AT

concept was part of a union con-
tract... Coffee break!"

"Oh." Squirrel looked a little
uncomfortable. "I thought... What
is it?" The pause in her voice went
unnoticed.

"It’s a very simple concept,"
Herby began explaining. "As an

Squirrel jumped as Herby burst
into laughter. "What an idiot," he
choked. Squirrel scowled. "No,
Not you," he apologized.
Jovial. He thought the 10 a.m.

1 tid s

The Way I

See It...

by Stephante Wiebe

The way I see it, most of us
have some sort of deviant food
preference which totally disgusts
those around us. Take pickled
herring. Please.

Recently, someone inadvertently.
rekindled my husband’s craving
for pickled herring, a minor per-
sonality defect I had been able to
squelch for some time. But then
we dropped in at a party, a
seemingly harmless gathering —
until he scanned the table
crowded with food. As his eyes
lit upon the plate of you-know-
what, his pupils dilated with
pleasure, and his lower lip
dropped in awe. His hand began
to tremble slightly as he reached
toward the platter of fish. With a
forced casual air, he asked hope-
fully, "Oh look, is this pickled
herring here?"

He never heard the reply. The
fish was in his mouth, and he
was lost in his own pickled-
herring-ecstasy, chewing the
pungent, fishy Flesh with an
epicurean pleasure that could only
be described as sinful. Aghast, I
dragged him home.

The following day, he went to
the deli. When he walked back
into the house, the wild look in
his eye told of horrors to come.
He set the jar on the counter as I
slowly backed away from him,
shielding the children. Multering
glecfully to himself, he
unscrewed the lid and lifted out a
fat, scaly, pickley grey specimen.
1 peeked from behind the safety
of the living room couch, and
caught sight of him as he laid the

revolting slab of spicy-vinegary
fish across his tongue, and
chewed. He closed his eyes and
raised his face toward heaven, in
a prayer of thanksgiving or for-
giveness, I don’t know which —
I said a quick prayer myself.

I can’t stand pickled herring. I
think that as a child, I was psy-
chologically traumatized by
pickled herring. My brother, Jeff,
had a particular liking for it,
popping the odoriferous chunks -
of grey fish into his mouth on a
reguiar basis after school, Now,
this boy had a cruel streak that
manifested itself in food warfare
— I once spent an hour scraping
potato salad out of my hair. Any-
way, one afternoon I innocently
walked into the kitchen, a sweet
young child looking for a normal
snack. There was Jeff at the
counter, his back to me, hunched
over his precious jar of disgusting
pickled fish. Suddenly, he turned.
Horrified, I saw a large herting-
slab hanging out of his mouth, as
he grinned and lunged forward,
slurping at his fish, shaking his
head so it wiggled grotesquely.
"Armgghhhhh!" Drops of fishy
pickle juice splattered over me.
The neighbours heard my tortured
screams, but chose not to
respond.

I have never gotten over it.

When my husband began his
latest pickled herring frenzy, it all
came back: the inlense odours,
the pickled fish nightmares, yes,
even the potato salad episodes.

Naturally, | responded in a
mature, adult manner. Looking

him in the eye, I spooned mayon-
naise into my mouth and stuck
out my tongue, in an altempt to
return any negative feelings —
but he only cringed slightly in
distaste. Pouring maple‘syrup on
my scrambled eggs brought a .
mild response, and he was
immune to my cold spaghetti.
There’s no food I can bear to
consume that disgusts him the
way his fish disgusts me. That
revolting jar is still haunting the
fridge.

There are others suffering with
similar food dysfunctions. One
man smears his bread with bacon
fat and gnaws on bovine hooves.
An otherwise normal woman eats
furry blue cheese — yes,
coloured food that needs a shave.
I can’t describe what she does
with bananas and ketchup. And
then there’s the man who chops
sardines into his scrambled eggs.
Nauseating, I know — I had to
force myself to write the words.

Extensive reseatch indicates that
92 percent of local residents
consume something disgusting on
a regular basis. Imagine the con-
tinual suffering of those nearby
— a support group is forming.

I have a theory to explain this
deviant behaviour. Some micro-
scopic enzyme forms in bizarre
food combinations, producing a
chemical change to one’s taste
buds. Just one taste of a weird
side dish results in mutant buds,
which invoke uncontrollable
cravings for revolting substances
— a scientific phenomenon.

Perhaps with the upcoming
science fair, some bright, enter-
prising student will document this
repulsive food pattern.

Yeah, that’s it, with charts and
graphs and statistics — what a
great idea — and a table featur-
ing samples of the offending
concoctions.

1’ll supply the fish.

example, if a fire were spotted
today, Ministry of Forests and

no. industry accepted standards would

require that it be extinguished,
totally, by 10 a.m. tomorrow."

"Oh," Squirrel acknowledged

"What an idiot," Herby repeated. -

Squirrel scowled.

Herby sunk into his chair and
went back to the draft copy of the
report, this time reading quietly to
himself.

Any fires wouldn’t go undetected.
long, according to the plan.
Proximity of the licence area to
Terrace and local transportation
corridors, plus the Ministry of
Forests Lightning Detection Sys-
tem, would take care of that. And
a fuel management plan for speci-
fic cut blocks was included in each
five-year development plan.

Also, there might be some slash
burning on a broadcast basis (to
meet silvicultural and protection
hazard abatement objectives as
stated in the approved Preharvest
Silviculture Plan) but, if required,
on-site weather stations would be
located prior to burning and read-
ings would be recorded daily.
Landings would be burned only
during late fall when the fire
hazard is moderate to low. And
site-specific control measures
would be incorporated into all
burning plans.

With fire protection covered,
Herby once more began reading
aloud. "Section 2.252, Pests," he
read. "Jovial Logging Inc. is com-
mitted to the detection and control,
if required, of insects and disease
on all chart areas held under the
Forest Licence.

"The company will submit a
short and long term Pest Manage-
ment Plan annually to the District
Manager when requested. This
plan will cover pest prevention,
detection, control and management
and personnel training."

And, "The logging priority is to
remove all merchantable infected
and highly susceptible stands as
quickly as possible. Felled and
bucked inventory will always be
kept to a minimum to avoid insect
build-up."

Herby then covered a couple of
minor sub-sections, "Recreation"
and “Access Management and
Research". In general, under
Access Management and Research
Jovial was agreeing to support and
assist the Ministry of Forests in
any research projects they chose to
do. And under Recreation, he was
saying that logging roads would be
open to the public at all times.
Except, of course, where fire
hazard, theft, or vandalism required
that be implement ministry-
approved contro] measures.

Then there was Section 3.00,
Other Forest Resources. Basically,
this was nothing more than a recap
of a portion of Section 1.20 where
it was stated that management
goals and resource protection dur-
ing logging would be integrated
into the total development of the
chart area.

As far as fish were concerned,
roads would be maintained and
effectively ditched, and road con-
struction would be done in a way
that would minimize any water
disturbance. In other words, log-
ging would occur away from
drainage areas, and logging debris
would be kept out of permanent
water Courses.

Also, large openings would not
straddle permanent water Courses,
but be completely on one side or
the other. And logging and con-
struction equipment would not
allow their fuels or oils to be
deposited on the ground and
washed into water courses.

Water values would be main-
tained through the protection of
fish habitat. And in part this
included the statement: “Logging
would stop at the definite break or
drop-off into a drainage to prevent
excessive site disturbance."

Then there was recreation:
"Every effort will be made to
landscape cut blocks into the sur-
rounding countryside to avoid
adverse visual impact in areas of
high visual sensitivity." And, "Log-
ging roads will remain open to the
public, providing no adverse condi-
tions develop." Adverse conditions,
of course, including those already
named, Fire, theft and vandalism.

The setting aside of specific
recreational sites was neither pro-
mised nor required. But it was
stated: "...existing sites will not be

' disturbed.” And the protection of

cultural values was easily covered:

"Cultural values have been con-|

sidered but none are known to
exist in the chart areas."
And wildlife... That was easy

too. "At present there are only
minor populations of deer and
moose," stated the plan, "and it is

— Continued on page AY