Page 12, The Herald, Tuesday, September 11, 1979 Impotent Cheater? Pure Lecherdemain By Abigail Van Buren DEAR ABBY: I can’t figure out why my 61-year-old hus: band who is Lolally impotent has suddenly taken an interest in another woman. He had a very serious prostate operation last year which left him incapable of having sex relations, sa I know he can't "do" anything, but he's seeing someone just the same. I know this for a fact because I had him followed by a private detective. I don’t understand what a woman would want with a man who is incapable of sex. He's good-looking, a spiffy dresser, « big spender and likes to dance. I'm 57, and it may not be too late for me to find somebody else, so I want to know if] can divorce him because of what he is doing even though technically he isn't capable of com- mitting adultery? WONDERING DEAR WONDERING: Divoree laws vary in different states, co ask a Jawyer what the grounds are in your state. And as for what a woman would want with an impotent, good-looking, spiffy dressing, big spender who likes to dance, well, obviously, your husband has found someone who likes him just the way he is. DEAR ABBY: When you first started writing your column you explained why a man will pick up some tramp and Lreat her like a lady, then turn around and treat his wife like a tramp. I saved it for the longest time, and now can't find it. Will you please run it again? Thank you. MARGARET IN MAINE DEAR MARGARET: I've found it, And here it is: A man picks up a tramp because he wants a female com- panion who is no better than he is. In her company, hic doesn’t feel inferior. He rewards her by treating her like a lady. He treats his wife (who IS a lady) like a tramp because he feels that by degrading her he will bring her down to lis level. This makes him feel guilty. So in order to get even with his wife for making him feel guilty, he keeps right on punishing her. DEAR ABBY: This is the first time I've ever written 10 anybody about a problem, but I have had it! Our daughter brings her family over here three and four times a week for supper — plus al! day on Sunday. It has got- ten so that lately she spends more time at our place than She does at home. When she’s here with the kids, the place is one big how] with high chair and fussing kids. I'd feel like a heel saying anything about it because my wile seems to enjoy looking after the kids, but lately I've taken to going out a couple of nights a week just to get away from the noise and confusion. What can I do to discourage this situation? FED UP IN LAWRENCE, MAS&. DEAR FED UP: Why should you feel like a heel in demanding a little domestic tranquillity? It's your house, too, It's also YOUR daughter and grandchildren, so spenk -up, Dad, and ask for a more equitable compromise, (Twice a week maybe?) ‘ CONFIDENTIAL TO “LOVES CHILDREN AND WANTS TO TEACH": By all means don’t let anyone discourage you from pursuing a career in teaching. Henry Brooks Adams (who died in 1918) eaid; “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” Getting married? Whether you want a formal church wedding or a simple do-your-own-thing ceremony, get Abby's new booklet, “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send $1 and a long, stamped (28 cents) self-addres