“JENNIFER LANG

_.EVBISHOP

Just say, ‘Thank you’

HE OTHER day as | was walking

i with my two kids and our dog, I ran

into an old time acquaintance of
mine. We exchanged hellos and she
said, “Figures. You even have a cute dog.”

I replied, “Oh sure, he’s cute now.”

] guess I sounded negative because she jok-
ingly (?) reprimanded me for how I talk about
my dog and went on her way, She was out of
earshol for my affirming doggie comment,
“Yeah, he is a really nice dog.”

My daughter then blasted me,
soooo mean!”

- | was confused, What? Me, mean? Well,
yes... occasionally. But when was I mean just
then? “What are you talking about?” I finally
asked.

“Poor Challenge," she crooned in his direc-
tion before turning to me accusingly, “You

_ said ‘Oh, yeah, he’s cute now, [her impression
of my voice is a scary thing.] making it sound
like he’s always really bad and terrible or
something.”

“That's not what | meant. Plus the [ said
he was really nice.”

“Yeah when she couldn’t hear you
anymore.”

“Well, what exactly was ] supposed to
say? Should I have said, ‘Of course my dog’s

cute! My kids are cute, My husband's cute.

My -house is cute. 1 am cute.My boot is

cute?...”

My daughter, apparently sick of her mother,
interrupted me impatiently and, in a tone con-
veying that she thought I should know better
than to act the way [ do, said, “You could
have said, thank-you.”

I answered the only way I could. (Drat!)
“You're right.” This little walking/talking/dog

“You're

been sneaking up on ine. 1’m terrible at taking
a compliment. I always feel unworthy. Slightly
embarrassed. Like nice things about me
couldn’t possibly be true (or if they are, I can’t
be so arrogant as to appear to know they are
by saying thanks) so [ joke the words away,
dismiss them or demolish the very possibility
that the comment could be true.

I’m nol the only one who can’t take a com-
pliment. It seems to be a common affliction.1
go lo a weight loss support graup (Oh that was

fun to say in print. Not!) and the wonderful

“women there are prime examples of people
who fall in the unable to take a compliment
category. (Sorry all!)

This exact topic came up a few meetings
ago. Someone had complimented a woman's
outfit and said she looked great. The woman's
response? “Oh yeah right, looking great with
my big fat belly hanging out!”

To her credit, she bemoaned her
reply. “What is wrong with me? Why couldn’t
I just say thank you and leave it at that?”

Why is it so hard for us to simply say thank
you? Let's practice: ;

“This is delicious. You must’ve slaved all
day.”

vvThank you.” (NOT: “Oh na, it was noth-
ing, anyone can make a flambé, the dog can
make a flambé!”)

“You look great today.”

“Thanks, I’m feeling great today.” (NOT:
“Are you crazy? I’ve gained 10 pounds and my
hair looks like the cat messed in it and my
skin's flaring up.”)

“You did a great job on that.”

“Thanks,” (NOT: “Whal me? It’s a terrible
job! Are you blind? Don’t you see that invis-
ible to the human eye screw-up?”)

“That's a beautiful outfit!”

“Thanks!” (NOT: “Doesn't it make me look
like whale?") Some of our inability to say
thank you might come from insecurity. We
really want the affirming words spoken ta us to
be true but we're afraid they're not. We hope
that if we deny them or question them, the
speaker will further validate us.

There are two flaws in the above line of
thought. First, until we accept ourselves with
all our limitations and strengths, all the affirm-
ing words in the world won’t make us feel any
better ahoul ourselves.

Second, most people who've just compli-
mented you and had their words thrown back
in their face feel slighted, like you've just said
“that they don’t know looking goed, nice
clothes, good food or good work when they see
it.-They will probably decide that compliment-
ing you, is pointless and they will learn to
keep their (nice) observations about you to
themselves. |

Let's believe that most people mean what
they say, Let’s learn to be thankful for who we
are and appreciative of the things people no-
tice about us. With a bit of practice, we
should be able to say thank you for a compli-
ment graciously, without blushing or denial.

column. | appreciated reading the end of it.”
- say, “Thank you. | think,”

Str

king

the right

alance

Elks Canada’s president outlines
his plan for attracting new members

By JENNIFER LANG
CHANGE IS never easy, but it’s
vital to the survival of Canada’s
largest fraternal organization, says
Wayne Herod, the national presi-
dent of Elks Canada.

The benevolent and protective
order is by na means alone when
it comes to remaining relevant to
communities, says Herod, who's
half-way through his current one-
year term as president — a job that
carries the title of Exalted Ruler.

He’s chosen the phrase “The
Courage to Accept Change” as
this year’s theme.

Service clubs, charities and
non-profits are all competing.for a
shrinking poo! of volunteer mem-
bers, partly because families have
less time to spare for outside in-
terests, he says.

And he should know: in addi-
tion to the Elks, Hered holds cur-
rent memberships in the Masons,
Eastern Star, is a past Rotarian
and sits on Vanderhoof’s chamber

of commerce.

The good news is surveys show
Canadians are willing to volunteer
16.7 hours a month,

“Most everybody wants to con-
tribute to the welfare of. their
community,” Herod says. "We
want to make ourselves as desir-
able as possible.”

The. challenge for Canada's
300 Elks lodges ts to adapt and
evolve to remain relevant. ,

The national. executive has
paved the way by giving individ-
ual lodges flexibility in how they
operate.

“We find that the lodges that
are doing this adapting thing are
getling more members,” he says:

“This. increases your ability~ to

assist your community.”

Elks lodges are already meet-

ing the challenge.
Some, ‘like Herod’s home lodge

“in Vanderhoof, are happily break-

ing with 91 years of tradition by

wearing street clothes to bimenth-"..

The Terrace Standard, Wednesday, December 24, 2003 - A13

FORMAL WEAR: Wayne Herod says the Vanderhoof Elks only
wear their fezzes and purple uniforms on formal occasions.

ly meetings, appearing in the tra-
demark purple fezzes and white
regalia on formal! occasions only.
Others are opening their doors
to women. Herod sal on the nalio-
nal committee that brought the

“question to a referendum that pas-

sed with a two-thirds majority.
“Now, some 900 women across

“the country have joined the ranks-
Of the Elks: Some have risen to

provincial executive positions.
“Other lodges ‘are content to fol-
low time-honoured rules,
Lodge No, 425 in Terrace, for

example, is still a male-only
lodge. Members point out that’s
because Terrace has such a strong
Royal Purple organization, which
also raises thousands of dollars for
charity,

It’s up to the community.

“We've always envisioned that
all lodges would be the same and
all our communities act the
same,” Herod said during an offi-
cial visit here. “I feel that we
should adapt to whatever the
communities would like us to be.”

Continued on Page A15

t compliment episode natled home a truth that’s-

Uli go first, You say, “Thank you for this.

ra

“’ Around Town

NO STRANGER TO TERRACE: Or. Judith Lapadat has taught university
courses in Terrace. She's also exhibited paintings here. JENNIFER LANG PHOTO

New UNBC chair has
long roots in the north

By JENNIFER LANG
JUDITH LAPADAT, a Smithers born and
raised poel, university instructor and
speech and language pathologist, now has
another accomplishment ta add to her al-
ready impressive list of credits.
She’s been named the University of

Northern B.C.’s top administrator for the

northwest region.

Her appointment in late November as
regional chair ended a recruitment search
that took months and spanned the globe.

“We've had applications for this-pusi-
tion from around the world — literally,”
Dennis Macknak, UNBC director of re-
gional operations told faculty and guests
last month in Terrace. “And we’ve found
someone from within the region.”

Lapadat has been al UNBC from its.

heginning, he said. “We're happy that
she’s returning to the region.”

She scems happy about it too, —

In a recent interview with the Terrace
Standard, the mother of three described

said she was looking forward to working .

with colleagues and students here.

“vs a complex, multi-dimensional
region,” she said, “I think my first step is
to talk to people and listen to what they
tell me.”

Terrace’s UNBC campus functions as
a regional campus for other communities.

As with her predecessor, Lapadal will

be based in Terrace. She takes over in
July, giving her time to’compicte profes-"
in’ Prince

sional commitments back
George where she’s an associate instruc-
tor of education.

“| have long rools.in- the northwest,”
she said, pointing out she's no stranger to
Terrace.

She taught her first course in Terrace
in the summer of 1996,:and-has returned
on ,a professional basis several times

since then.

As regional chair, her goat is to
strengthen existing programs and continue
developing new ones, including the plan-
ned bachelor of nursing program for Ter-
rice, a joint-UNBC-Northwest Commun-
ity College program that? sin tlie works
for Terrace.

“Having grown up here in Smithers, l
can remember: how-restriclive the oppor-
tunities were in those days. In those days,
if you wanted lo’ go to universily, there
was only the ones down south.”

When: UNBC opened ‘in 1994, “there

was a big pent-up demand” among north-
em post- secondary students. :

In: its regional offerings, UNBC has
concentrated on professional programs for
education, social work and nursing, ureas
that find recruiling difficult, .

“I's hard to get and -keep people in the
north. IF you train: people in the north,
they'll stay in the north.”

It's a five-year appointnient, She plans
io continue teaching and working on her
research projects, Her area of expertise is
classroom learning and childhood educa-
tion.’

She’ s-also a published author, Her lat-
est work is Mixed Messages,.a book of
poetry “published by Caitlin Press.

Lapadat is a painter, too. Her vibrant,
colourful Jandscapes: have -been featured
in group and’ solo-cxhibils, including one
al the Terrace Art Gallery:in 1999,

Niue of her-paintings are exhibited at
Reflections on Waiter,’ UNBC’ 5 on line. li-
terary magazine.

She even finds time to. ) compete in a

womei’s indoor soccer league. »

“Ethink’ F try. to have balance,” she.
asiniles, adding She strives. ta-niaintain

equilibrium between-her, ucadentic and
creative sides.- 8

“It?s, imporl tant for a 1 person to have

balance."

Help for holiday gloom

TIS THE SEASON to feel blue? If you find the ho-
lidays a downer, you’re not a humbug. Many many
people in northern B.C. and elsewhere feel depres-
sed at this time of year, says Northern Health,

The December holiday season can often increase
feelings of anxiety, sadness and despair, even in
people with no previous history of depression or
mental illness. Extra household tasks like decora-
ting, preparing events and entertaining add pres-
sure, as do financial constraints, house guests, and
being separaled from loved ones. .

Don’t suffer alone. Get help. Northwest residents
can call the Crisis Centre for northern B.C. during
the holiday period, The confidential, 24-hour infor-
mation line is toll free: 1-877-562-1214,

Loneliness and feelings of failure can be especi-
ally intensified at this time of year, particularly for
people who are isclated, says Beth Ann Derksen of
Mental Health Communily Response.

To make Christmas less stressful, remember to
take time for yourself, don’t drink to excess
(alcohol is a depressant), take in a free festive
event like viewing light displays, if you know
someone who is alone, invite them over, and final-
ly, remember it’s OK to be sad; holiday cheer
doesn't automatically make these feelings go
away,

Craft sale donation

GERALDINE Robinson, organizer of the recent
Kitsumkalum Craft Fair, recently presented the
Tertace Transition House with $260.71 — proceeds
fram door prize sales. The money goes to Ksan
House Society’s transition house building fund.
Robinson says the door prizes were contributed
by exhibitors, who were kind enough to make do-
nations from their own craft tables. Tickets were 50

cents each.

The cratt fnir takes place on the first Saturday of

December. The number of exhibitors continue tu

grow. Nearly 40 craft tables were set up this year.
Dawn Milton and Robinson's two daughters helped
organize the door. prizes and sold tickets. Milton,
ussistant craft fair organizer, ulso did set up, de-
corating, and planning for the event.

Last year’s door prize sales raised $327 for the
Terrace emergency shelter.

Prize winners named

MEMBERS OF Terrace’s Sacred Heart Catholic
Women’s League have drawn the winners in their

- recent raffle, First prize goes lo Teresa Rego of Ki-

timat. She wins a 27-inch television in the draw,

held at the CWL’s Christmas dinner Dec. 10.
Second prize is a queen's clock won by Loretta

Kuemper of Terrace. Dina Derochers is the third

prize recipient. She wins a wall hanging.

Fourth prize, an Afghan, goes to Ora Hansen
wins an. Afghan, and finally, Teresa Degrand wins
a $100 gilt certificate from: Save-On-Foods. The
CWL would like to thank éveryone who purchased

tickets and to everyone who brought along clothing

apparel for the Transition House,