Maureen Bostock admits, and her lesbian partner Elizabeth Snyder nods in agree- ment. "But being ‘out' is a very positive experience. " Bostock and Snyder have been together “13 years, and bath say that being honest about their relationship not only gives them peace of mind, it gives them con- ae trol of their lives, something they wouldn't have if they hid in a closet. While the two women are aware oth- ers may question their lifestyle, in actu- ality, they say, their day-to-day lives are quite ordinary, not so different from the lives of other families. "The commonalities'of our lives far outweigh the differences,” Bostock points out. She and Snyder live on a farm east of town, where they tend cows, The Terrace Standard, Wednesday, December 6, 1995 - AS Living ‘out’ in the northwest : “YES, IT SCARES SOME PEOPLE," stance—as heterosexual couples. "We're fighting for the fundamental recogni- tion that. we are ordinary people seek- ing to live ordinary lives," says Bostock. Recent changes in legislation have re- sulted in some breakthrou ghs. Provin- . cial civil servants can now receive spou- sal benefits for their same-sex partners.. That means Maureen is recognized as © Elizabeth's spouse for medical and den- 2 CORRESPONDENCE FOR THE TERRACE STANDARD ‘The Mail Bag Keep your garbage — Dear Sir: We believe that Terrace should not be bringing their g gar- bage to Thornhill even now, especially not until all the test Tesults are in and the proper clean up has been done, - This is only doing more damage to the environment, our. drinking water and will make upgrading even more eX. | pensive. In our research of all the date collected to date-we be. — . 5 Y. ELIZABETH SNYDER says coming outas a les- bian is empowering. "It's about finding peace, gaining control and making choices," chickens, and a hay-crop. Bostock and Snyder's coming out of the closet—declaring their sexual orientation several years ago— was a conscious decision. struggle for women, all women to women, to own their own sexuality," Bostock explains. "Lesbians shouldn't have to live in fear." One difference between Bostock and Snyder's relation- -- ship and that of other couples, is their ongoing battle for the same basic human rights most heterosexual couples simply take for granted. Same-sex couples don't qualify for legal marriages, for instance, or marital inheritance rights, nor is the division of community property upon separation recognized in gay and lesbian partnerships. . Gay and lesbian couples em- ployed by private companies — don't receive the same spousal employment benefits—drug plans and pensions, for in- .. ply to federal government workers. As well, the British Columbia Human _ Rights act prohibits the discrimination "It has been a__ sexual orientation — in regards to em- ‘ployment, rental accommodation, union membership, or printed materials. At the same time, Parliament recently voted 124 to 52 against legally recogniz-~ ing gay and lesbian marriages. "The movement is about defining fam- ily differently," Snyder says, “focusing on the love, the caring and the respect.” What Bostock and Snyder hope for on the local front is that others who may be hiding their sexual orientation find bia community here. ... "It's so important for them to have support,” says Bostock. "The socializa- tion, is so strong." She says there's no reason for gays and lesbians to feel iso- lated or alone in northern communities. That also applies to gay and lesbian ‘parents, who face unique challenges. "Raising kids in a homophobic society is like raising them surrounded by rac- -ism,"says Bostock. "Lesbian moms have to be honest, strong and proud.” O What we know MHow many gays and lesbians are there in Canada? In 1991 Statistics Canada col- lected-~- but did not publish— responses fram persons who voluntarily. identified themselves as living in same-sex relation- ships. Some activists say that bisexuality, social pressures and differences in termi- nology—e.g., spouse, partner— make the census statistics inaccurate anyway. | MHow many in Terracé? About 10%, of the, . population, according to common esti- mates based on a 1948 Kinsey report, _ Which puts about 1145 gays and lesbians in Terrace. Subsequent studies conclude _ that gays and lesbians account for about MAUREEN BOSTOCK says honesty helps others. "it's important for young gays and lesbians to know that there is acommunity out there." 1% of a given population, which would mean some 175 gays and lesbians live in _the city. _MLesbians and gays have become a dis- tinct target for marketers of consumer goods, according to the Globe and Mail. A study says gays in the U.S. earn an aver- age of $51,6000 annually, lesbians $42,700, and both are better educated than average, with more than 25 per cent hold- ing graduate degrees. MiThe claim that gays and lesbians are a threat to children— a frequent charge of anti-gay activists— is proven false by sta- tistics. In fact, 95% of all casas of sexual abuse of children involve heterosexual men and girls. M Some lesbians and gays say that homophobia is a significant problem in Terrace. Anumber of gay and lesbian par- ents approached by a reporter for.the sto- ries on this page felt that their participa- tion would incite severe social difficulties for themselves or their children. Local centre for all women IT'S BEEN ATTACKED in letters to the editor for its acceptance and support of local lesbians. "This is a place for all women and that includes lesbian women," says Karla Hennig, coordinator at the Terrace Women's Resource Centre. “We don't check a woman's sexual orientation at the door." _ Hennig says that while the centre serves as a resource for local les- bians— offering books, videos, and newsletters, besides hosting a- monthly drop-in support group—lesbian support is just one of the services it provides. "We are a grassroots organization," she explains, "which means we try to take our direction from the membership.” A part of that direction, she says, comes from the lesbian commu- nity. "But we are not as pro-active as many people think we should. be," Hennig admits. "We are quite justly criticized by some members of the lesbian community for not being pro-active enough. In some ways, we're not doing enough for our lesbian members.” . Hennig is also well aware of the criticism that says the centre's vis- ible support of lesbians /may define it as an anti-heterosexual, "man- hating" institution. "I can assure you, there are no man-haters on staff,” she says. "We work on the basis that women should be em- _ powered'to run their own lives." "A woman's orientation doesn't mean a lot to us,” Hennig says. "tt becomes an issue when people | have made it an issue." A STRUGGLE FOR HER OWN IDENTITY TWENTY-FIVE-YEAR-OLD Dana Skillworth* folds her “arms tightly and looks at'the floor when she talks about growing up in Terrace. “The things I will never forget were the comments at school," she says quietly. . When Dana tells her. story, the fact that her mother is a “lesbian plays a noticeably minor role. Instead, her painful childhood memories centre around the visible fear and re- --yulsion displayed by relatives and peers. "It's made me _ bitter," she admits. "I've learned not to trust’people." * At school here; Dana was socially ostracized, even in the — ~~ elementary grades. "I doubt that kids even knew why they "were ignoring me then," she says. As she grew older, Dana , was taunted. more and more by fellow students in what eventually became a daily routine of crude sexual remarks and ‘name-calling. ~ Downtown, Dana cringed inwardly at the smirks and gri- maces she saw on people's faces when they recognized her familiar last name. At home, Dana's father said her heredity meant that she, too, was genetically programmed to be lesbian. "l ended up living in a foster home, and then a group - home. ‘didn't have any. friends," she recalls. "I never had. a boyétlend.1 Ts was s embarrassed to > be seen 1 with, my mom, and I feel guilty about that now." At 17, Dana attempted suicide. At 22. she fled Terrace, seeking the safe anonymity of a larger city. There, she found herself drawn to prostitution, a job that met her immedi-. ate financial and emotional needs. | > | “Half the reason I did that was just to prove I wasn't a lesbian," she explains. "I'd rather be called a slut than a dyke." Eventually, Dana says, she saw the dangers of her risky street lifestyle and returned home to Terrace last fall. :} ‘These days, Dana works as a waitress while she: struggles with depression anda battered self-esteem. "I know.I'm anti-social sometimes," she says. "I hate to go.downtown because I’ 'm afraid of what people will say. It's a learned paranoia.” ° She says | she still feels ‘the sting of other’ people's 8: disgust _ at gays and lesbians. "This is the 90's, and people say they’ re open-minded," she. says bitterly. "Well, that's a crock.” Meanwhile, Dana is getting re-acquainted with her mother, catching up on:the mother- ~daughter relationship she once avoided out of embarrassment. “She's a’ good per> |. - son," Dana says. "She goes out of her way to help me.out.. =. My. mom is still a petson, ‘and [her. sexual orientation): has nothing t to do with who. I am." 'O : name re changed for prey tal benefits. The same does not yet ap- of any person or group on the basis of the support they need in the gay and les- 7 Regional District of Kitimat Stlkine . Dear Sir: ° _ possible impact on any "residents who might h live’ ‘nearby. : _ “Tanya and Taciques, Cor inde, ay oe _ employees | at the Noy, 22: meeting. re ding. the also an apology to. the public at large. oe because th elected. lieve that Terrace and Thornhill landfills should be cleaned up and shut down as soon as possible, so together we cant open a new regional landfill. This should be properly managed and maintained, ata’ site away from residential areas, fish habitat and creeks where water is used for drinking. _We are confident that with everyone’s help and input, we can all make our garbage a lot more manageable and with recycling, etc.; cut down on our garbage and the cost of waste disposal i in the long run.” _ Concerned Citizens for Thornhitl Creek . Terrace, | BC. Dump i isa problem Dear Sir: . In earlier days garbage was not much of a problem, one just found a convenient river bank or gully and tossed ‘it over. Today, however, this form of garbage disposal can- not be condoned. Unlike the good old days. where garbage consisted of a.few tin cans and boitles, today’ & Waste is of a much more dangerous mix, Unfortunately, some of the very people to ‘whom we have entrusted to properly maintain and manage ‘these sites seem to have that same old river bank or gully attitude. Let us not be deceived the Thornhill site is:a safe and vi- able location to not only. take our local waste but the waste from other communities. Not.in the short term or the Jong term cither. ~ These other communities don’t care where their garbage goes as long as it is not on their doorstep. The Thornhill site does not, will not and cannot meet Proper environmen tal standards, No detailed studies have. been ‘carried. out: ‘and yet ‘the regional director for the area in which the dump is located; Mr. Sandals stated recently that as ‘far aS jhe is ‘concerned *q'sadonedeal.”?> mo This type of mentality where scemingly things are’ ‘being processed with without proper studies and‘ real::and meaningful consultations with the People they" will mest affect must be stopped, z In all honesty if I lived in Terrace or even some : parts: of Thornhill I might not be so alarmed. Out of. sight, out-of mind is an easy road to travel. Unfortunately, I have’ the - dubious distinction’ of living: in close proximity to ‘the dump, breathing the air and drinking the water.:'.: . To my mind any moncy spent on expanding the Thorn: hill site will accomplish two things, waste ‘money: ‘that should have been spent locating and preparing a new’ site, ue _ and d prolong th the life of an environmentally: hazardous ‘oper, oye ation in the midst of our community. 7 “Tf the’ regionial’ district has a future site: in’ ‘nind; ‘they © say they have, then development. funds should be’ "directed to there immediately so-both the ‘Terrace: and’ ‘Thombill dumps ca can be closed: a a8 soon as possible. “ ce : ae “Art ‘Goodwin, ‘Ano, open on lelter t to 7 Bruce Lennox ™: On Nov. 22, my busbend and 1 attended. ; meeting regarding the Regional District of. ‘Kitimat-Stikin (RDKS) Solid Waste Management Plan, ne A number.of concems were raised at. this meeting. by io- ; cal residents regarding the current state ofthe. Thormhill landfill and its impact on the surrounding environment, in: : cluding Thomhill Creek. We were surprised and dismayed by the. response ‘given by regional board members in response { to, the i issues raised . "by the public. It was embarrassing. to witness ‘the. conduct. of these elected officials as they: laughed amongst them- selves and ignored the request. for comment. from. ‘the board. It would appear. that these regional’ board members : would prefer. that those. with concems keep quiet. so that “the board, with all its wisdom,. can continue with. Mts busi- ness, In our opinion our community: ‘will be better served bye : 7 landfill site which can ‘be. carefully, located, tested » and planned rather. than by expanding a camp. wit existing en i vironmental problems, ihe: hae . Such a site could also, be, 1 cated s such that it has the least, ce -T was. ser embarrassed aud extremely upset.by the reaction of the ‘regional distiict board. and: their;co tracted waste management plan. -The board: members are elected members representing’ cS _ the tax-payers of Thomibill and. Terrace. . ‘Sitting ‘amongst’. the gencral public arid riot at the front of the meeting where one could identify: thein, the board members consistently . ‘appeared to (be: talking; ' laughing; ‘joking, ‘and generally — mocking the people- who were trying to ask a question, or. to state an opinion, “One “of “the boar éeabers’ ‘Sandy’ ‘Sandhals, represents the area'that the Thomibill dump is in, ever as far as to suggest that one ‘of the members of the gent ll: public, was ‘‘an empty: alr-head’" ‘This froni ‘a éxpects to. be treated with due respect’ becaus elected position. : I would like {0 see a piinted apology from Mr. Sandbité for his entirely uncalled ‘for and derogatory remark. ‘Thaiik goodness that, ‘the pedple a - Terrpee, BC, meric sumtin a pate ie een Bene arn