q Alone in her terror One woman’s flight from a life of abuse . od _ A special report by Sarah Glen CINDY SMITH’S ex-husband promised he would take care of her no matter what. He promised that he would make her happy. He promised her endless opportunities. He promised it all if'only she would marry him. And she believed it ~ for a little while. Soon Cindy — not her real name — would find out that his promises were made to be broken. The young woman, now in her early 30s met her ex-husband through mutual friends overseas. She quickly fell in love and two years ‘later, on Valentine’s Day in 1997 the couple got married. “There were problems right from the start,” said Smith. “But I wanted this marriage to work and | loved him so | ignored the signs.” While she never wanted to leave her friends and family in her homeland overseas, Smith's husband sponsored her to Canada and they meaved to Kitimat. And it was here that Smith learned the true nature of her husband. “He was the only person I knew in Canada. I was completed isolated from everyone I loved,” she explained. He began to criticize the way she looked. “He would tell me that I was fat, that my breasts were sagging and that I was ugly,” she said. “He was relentless and made me feel worthless.” But the abuse Smith suffered wasn’t limited to verbal assaults. Smith’s husband also domi-- nated and controlled her every move. “He would choose the clothes that I would wear, how much make-up I pul on and what 1 ate,” she said, “If 1 wanted a cookie and there were some in the house, I couldn’t just take one because I knew he?d ‘count them’ after’ he, got home from work and if there was one mis- sing I'd be in trouble.” ‘+ Smith's ex-husband also restricted her ac- cess to moncy and as he didn’t allow her to work, she had to constantly ask him to buy everything. “It was humiliating.” While he may have promised her his love: when they first met, Smith’s ex-husband was now promising to hurt her. “He would always check up where I went during the day and who I talked to. I knew that if I slipped up sometime he’d hurt me,” Smith RCMP frustrated with domestic abuse policy ficer, CONSTABLE CAROLE Ray- Mike Hacker The Terrace Standard, Wednesday, September 13, 2000 - AS RCMP Constable Carole Raymond is one of the main officers at the Terrace detach- ment dealing with victims of spousal assault. said. And through all of the abuse, Smith says that she never got any support from her family. “My mom would tell me that ] couldn't leave him because he'd sponsored me to Ca- nada and | owed him,” she said. But Smith left her husband anyway. She phoned the Terrace crisis line and was so scared that she hung up the first time — but the counsellor on the other end of the phone called her back. That was the beginning of Smith’s journey out of the “nightmare” she called her life. “Everything had turned violent with him. He ‘had “his friend rape me while he watched,” : “Smith said.’ seibiai lal dial od vane had Terrace’ “Transition ‘House - counsellors plucked Smith from her house and placed her in the Terrace-area safe house. She stayed there until her counsellors found her a bus trip out of B.C, And since then Smith has never turned back. “When people hurt you, you need to forgive them or they’l! hold onte you forever,” she said. “I needed to break the cycle complete- ly.” Since moving out of B.C. and away from her ex-husband, Smith has taken night classes j here,” to finish her grade 12. She is also hoping to Start up her own cosmetology business in the near future. “I didn’t wait for my ship to come in, I swam out to my ship,” she said, She hopes that other women will follow her example and get help if they think they are in an abusive relationship. To get the message about violence against women out to other women and the community at large, the Ksan House togelher with the Women’s Resource Centre are holding the an- nual Take Back the Night March, September 15. “It’s “about reclaiming the night and giving wonlert “the ‘fréddoim “ta feel’ ‘safe, walking ‘at night,” said ‘Andrea Barnes, Stop the: Violence - Against Women counsellor at the Ksan House. And for at least one victim of violence, : Smith is slowly reclaiming her awn life. “My sisters, we are strong, we are confi- dent, we are (he masters of our own destiny — - take control,” she suid. “Think of your situa- tion as an opportunily to be the best person. It is possible. 1 know it. Invest in yourself and love yourself,” Smith got out of her abusive relationship . before her ex-husband’s last promise came true: he promised to kill her. POSSIBLE SIGNS OF ABUSE MANY PEOPLE are confused when it comes said Forster, to recognizing the signs’ mond has seen victims who have been battered by their part- ners with everything from pool cues to pots and pans. “Any household item has the potential to become a weapon,” she said, “An abuser wants something that is accessible and easy to move.” And while local RCMP officers don’t deny the large amount of do- mestic abuse in the area, there is a general cansent among the force that combating the abuse is a long, frustrating process. This process is further complica- ted by the emotional and mental trauma of victims who seldom want to testify or provide a statement against their life partner/abuser. “I’s very frustrating,” said Staff Sergeant.Tom Forster of the Terrace RCMP detachment. “We all do sa much work to help bring these [domestic abuse] cases to trial but to see the victim back down is very frustrating.” Without a witness, officers have very little evidence against the abu- ser when they are preparing a case for a trial. The Violence in Relationships (VIR) policy, implemented by the Ministry of the Attorney General was aimed at making the RCMP’s job less complicated when dealing with domestic abuse. And while the policy proposed to make the process more user-friendly, many officers are equally frustrated ‘with the policy saying that it just makes their job hafder. "This policy takes away the dis- cretion of the police,” said local of- “Do you really think that by implementing < new little piece of paper it’s going ta stop someone from killing someone else?” Hacker says that the policy is too rigid and is simply a kneejerk re- f action by the provincial government when deal- § ing with damestic abuse. “Abuse is a social issue not an enforce- | ment issue,” he said. “And I don’t see the provincial or federal government jumping to the chance to help people in these type of relationships.” One of the more contentious acts - within the VIR policy orders RCMP officers to remove all firearms from a home if a resident is charged with domestic abuse, “We have to scize all firearms regardless if the abuser used them as a Weapon against the partner,” said Forster. “If that abuser is an avid hunter, when we take those guns away we just compound the anger, anxiely and stress that is already building in the relationship.” - He notes that in a larger centre like Vancouver, the firearm clause isn’t a big issue because a lot of people don’t own guns, But in a city like Terrace, where a large percent- age of people hunt and own guns, the clause causes a lol of added ten- sion, Even so, Forster doesn’t advocate removing the firearm clause: in the VIR policy. "There are no easy answers Const. Carole Raymond <4 And Hacker goes one o solve saciely’s so- cial problems. “The public wants us to make long-standing in- lervenlions but my job s to maintain public safely and order — not to solve social problems,” said Hack- er. Abuse is tragic — I’m not saying that it isn’t. What I'm saying is that it's a complicated so- cial problem that the police can’t possibly deal with.” “Abusers Icarned their behaviour aver a lifetime and it’!l take another lifetime for them relearn normal be- haviour.” Even though he acknowledges the problems with the policy in domestic abuse cases, Forster believes that community awareness of the issue. has grown over the past 50 years. “A long time ago it was all kepl behind closed doors, now their are mote avenues to help people with their problems,” said Forster. He notes that the RCMP’s own Victim Services, the Ksan House Society and Its numerous services all help to combat the social pro- blem of domestic abuse. “[t really is the community's pro- blem. The police are investigators not counsellors,” he said. ‘Of the 254 abuse victims that “contacted the police between April 1999 and. March 2000, 62 of them were spousal abuse cases. of an abusive relationship, says Andrea Barnes, Stop the Violence Against Women counsellor at the Ksan Society. To make it easier, the society ‘offers a quick list of abusive relationship sig- hals. If you think you are in an abusive | relationship and answer yes to one or more of the following questions, call the Ksan House and talk to a coun- sellor who will be able to help you further. Are you with someone who... M@ Never believes what you say? @ Is jealous and posses- sive towards you? M@ Calls you names? HM Makes you choose be- tween him/her and family/friends? M Constantly checks up on you? @ Won't accept breaking up and/or threatens suicide if you leave? @ Trics to control you cr gives you orders? Mi Makes all the deci- sions? M Criticizes the way you dress, talk or dance? Wi Is violent or has a his- tory of losing his/her tem- per quickly or fighting? @ Pressures you for sex? @ Constantly belittles your parenting? CORRESPONDENCE FOR THE TERRACE STANDARD The Mail Bag One big pizza Dear Sir: I would like to clarify a misprint in the Aug. 30 issue of The Terrace Standard. The article on page Al2, headed “Health care body records first surplus in many years” explained thal in percentages, if one compared the $11,532 ' budget surplus of the Terrace and Area Community ° Health Council to what it would mean for a family with a gross income of $50,000, “it works out to less than $29,000 * enough for a pizza.” That,s-a pretty big pizza. The article shauld have stated “less than $29,” Rana Nelson, Communications Officer, Terrace and Area Health Council Trouble in the woods Dear Sir: There are recent claims that tree huggers and the Kermode bear are killing the forest industry. I would suggest to these crilics thal environ- mental issues will move to the top of the food chain in the next 10 years, so get used to it. NAFTA doesn’t apply to the woods industry — the U.S. applies protectionism. Big government has rescued fishing and deman- ded split-run magazines but gives no attention to the plight of the woods industry. In this global economy the woods industry is de- pendent on global demand for lumber, With the U.S. marketplace off limits the B.C, producers are forced into a broader market of competition, Logging is faced with heavy bureaucracy from federal departments and other provincial ministries. With B.C,’s small open economy trying to strug- gle with big time globalism, the big fish are swal- lowing the small fish and closing down the smaller non-profit operations. As mentioned above, neither the federal nor the provincial governments see the problems, or the solutions, to the woods industry in a global context. These are the bare facts, not how many tree huggers it takes to boost a Kermode up a tree. , Brian Gregg, Terrace B.C, a Care isn’t good Dear Sir: T am writing this letter in regards to the article that was in The Terrace Standard on Aug. 30, “Health care body records first surplus in many years”, During this past year the public has heard a great deal about Mills Memorial Hospital admin- istration striving to achieve a balanced budpet. While the surplus is relatively slim, I would like to ask at what cost was this surplus achieved? Residents at Terraceview Lodge for a number of years had on staff a chaplain who was there to pro- vide emotional and spiritual support. The position was first created for a full-time employee. Years later it was changed to part-time and now has been entirely phased out. The individual filling this posi- tion was there for the residents. Residents could rely on receiving personal care that other health care professionals were not able to provide {due to heavy workloads and staff shortages.) Not only did this person spend much of their time with the residents but also organized other volunteers to come in and add to the quality of life for these seniors. This posilion has been terminated. Administra- tion and the community health council have made it clear that they do not plan to continue this much needed service. While this may help achieve the monetary goals of administration, our seniors are paying a high price for those savings. The Health Watch Group questions these types of changes are because we care about the quality of care palients/residents receive at Mills Memor- ial and Terraceview Lodge. We also care about the conditions that health care professionals and sup- port staff are being asked to operate under. In another article on August 30 we are told that the “Eye doc won't return unless things improve”. “Dr. Tom Nagy says restrictions on cataract and other surgeries make it impossible for him to do his job.” Other physicians as well have noted similar frustrations, Clearly the government needs to re- cognize the need for medical professionals to be given the opportunities and means to provide the best health care necessary, I encourage the public to write letters to the lacal community health council, the MLA and the Regional Director of Health. We must continue ta let these representatives know that this present level of health care is not acceptable, Ida Mohler, Terrace, BC Four who did good Dear Sir: I drove up to the skate board park recently to see it for the first time. As 1 watched three skaters enjoying the facility, I felt enormous gratitude to everyone who worked so hard to provide this won- derful addition to our city. Although I know many, many people donated their time and money to this project, ] would espe- cially like to thank Maureen Haworth, Ron Craig, Ken Ziegler and Gail Heenan, They were tenacious and tireless, often working alone to keep the dream alive, facing countless frustrations to supply a need and representing the hope of many young people and the citizens who care about them. Brenda Silsbe, Terrace, B.C, About the Mail B The Terrace Standard walcomes letters. Our address is 3210 Clinton St., Terrace, B.C., V8G 5R2. You can fax to 638-8432. And you can e-mail to standard@kermode.net. No at- tachments please, We need your name, ad- dress and phone number for verlfication, Our deadline is noon Friday or noon Thursday If it is a long weekend.