ST ne nL OS fee gett cape ee, umm sem tel eae en + Peta MY tepemsperstece cer rmle nesses A friend of mine has three children, all boys. As the oldest ‘turns 11, my friend is faced with the problem of birthday party entertainment. Just what do 11- year-old boys like to do? "They’re too old for Pin the Tail on the Donkey.” That much. she knows. On the other hand, they’re too young for cocktails and vacation slides. On the intense advice of the birthday boy, she determines that organized games are passé. Car- toons and balloons are also out, she’s told with a sigh and rolling 11-year-old cyes. She finally ‘agrees, reluctantly, that the party will take its own course. She'll have the board games out, just in case. When the big day arrives, a gang of nine noisy, muddy-shoed guests walk home from school with their host. As they tum onto the street, his mother hears them coming. The rising calls of shout- ing young male voices reach a — crescendo rivalling that of a cattle drive. She checks that the insur- ance is paid up. They arrive suddenly and a mountain of back packs, high-top © sneakers.and wrapped gifts . . - appear in the entrance, as a stam- pede of growing feet noisily descend ‘the stairway to the base- ment-rec room. ‘Cries of "Aw, ya did not!" and "Did too!" rise . above hearty laughter as they arrange themselves on furniture and floor. The birthday boy emerges im- mediately. "Mom, where’s the food?" His mother says a quick. prayer and gathers enough junk food to put 4 nutritionist into severe Shock. At the rec room door, she is politely mobbed. She fights her way .to.the table, where 11-year- old hands quickly swarm the Doritos and Cheezies, and the Oreos are immediate history. She slinks away, grateful for the relative silence of loud crunching. ' The sounds gradually merge into a low patter, accented by Nintendo beeps and laughter. She creeps downstairs and puts her ear against the door. The wood pulses with the steady rap beat of some popular musician who gocs by his initials, interspersed with 11-year-old voices. "I'll raise ya five." "He’s bluffing.” "Read ‘em and weep." *Hah! You die!" She decides that they’re doing all right — so far. She recalls her own eleventh birthday party. Back then, Musical Chairs and a Barbie in the cake were marks of a good time, with her mother , hovering above the guests, shout- ing.out rules like an army ser-" “ geant, She wonders if she should get some chairs and music ready. An hour later, the birthday boy _ Sticks his head out the door. "When’s dinner?" ~ The menu on such occasions is a game called "Build your own pizza". Each player gets a small VERYDAY IS SHIRT LAUNDRY DAY Men's or Ladies’ cotton or poly blend shirt | Richards lon Emerson THE DRYCLEANER & SHIRT LAUNDRY Swing in to our DRIVE THRU — . * Richards Cleaners 3223 Emerson St. ce ne Terrace: , 6:00-4m. {06:00 pm. ~~ Monday to Friday Aye 'B:30.a.m. to'5:30 pm. — Salurday r Phone: 635-5119 : Bas bare crust and is let loose upon a smorgasbord of toppings and’ mozzarella. The object is to sce how much you can pile on your crust. There are no winners, and the only losers are those dele- gated to clean up afterward. Presents and cake are accepted enthusiastically, though the — "Happy Birthday" singing is pitiful, marked by guffaws and - backslaps. Hockey cards emerge from someone’s pocket, and a — discussion of Kevin Somebody’s "excellent" collection breaks out. The board games sit untouched on the counter. Soon the doorbell is ringing, signalling the end. The:pile of high-top: sneakers dwindles, until the house feels like an empty . shell. Birthday boy is found down- stairs, cleaning up. She watches him gather napkins and glasses. "Great party, mom. Thanks." He pulls the vacuum out from the» closet. It was nothing, she thinks, sruly. Last year I received a phone call from a woman claiming to be an employee of the Skeena Health Unit; she stated that they were conducting a survey concerning breast exams and breast cancer. I thought it was rather odd since the Skeena Health Unit does not as a tule conduct phone surveys. I co- operated by giving random answers, wondering where all this would eventually lead. It didn’t take too long to figure out that I was the recipient of an obscene phone call, Normal people would probably have hung up, but I’m a very curi- ous cat. I was especially curious to know how she had obtained by unlisted phone number (I still don’t know), As the questions became more and more lewd, I suddenly had a mental picture of a wild-looking woman shouting obscene messages from what sounded like a pay phone some- where on main street. This struck me as strangely humourous, I wrote the whole thing off as just one more of those strange occur- rences that keeps life from becom- ing too boring. But now it seems as though I’m on her hot list; she phoned me : again two weeks ago with the same bogus scam. Obviously this . _ lady has never heard that old — adage about old news being boring - news. I listeried carefully for hid- den clues that might identify her, but when she asked my age andI | : ‘ify ou wish to announce forms every week. “FLOWERS of LA CARTE) ~ SKEENA MALL the birth of YOUR baby, please fill out the form available in the . : maternity ward at Mills Memorial Hospital. | We wilt ck up your GOSSELIN — Cynthia Brown and Roger Gosselin are lage to: : announce the birth of their daughter Sara Lynn Gosselin on B January 24, 1992 weighing 9 Ibs. 1-1/2 02. a JOHNNY _ Sharon Carlick and Leo Johnny Jr. are proud to announce the birth of their daughter Phylis Ruth Louise Johnny on January 17, 1992 at 6:55 p.m. weighing 8 Ibs. 3 oz. RUSSELL — Vernon and Veronica are the proud parents of son. Owen Mitchell on January 22, 1992 weighing 7 lbs. 7 02. A little brother for Delmer, Jordan and Beverley. “EXPECT THE EXTRAORDINARY” | WE DELIVER _ (635-4080 answered that I was 40, she seemed to hesitate slightly. Not long after she very politely hung up on me, Was this her way of telling me-that I was no longer a choice victim, that she considered me to be “over-the-hill"? Are these types of nuisance . calls a product of the 20th century, or does this sort of aberrant behaviour go much further back into our past? Take primitive man, ‘for example, How do we know all those mysterious cave drawings are as innocuous as they first appear? Can't you just see some burly neanderthal slobbering and grinning foolishly as he works for days inside a damp, smelly cave to complete his latest “obscene mas- terpiece”? Wouldn’t you like to know what stories those drawings really tell?! And what about the old west — we've all heard about those famous smoke signals, but it strikes me as just a bit peculiar that John Doe would actually go 10 all the trouble of building a nice smoky fire just to tell his friend three hills over that, “Hi! It’s me again. Everything is fine here, except that my blanket is now on fire and I’m choking to death on all this smoke. Goodbye,” It seems conceivable that Mr, Doe might just as easily have been making a few rude comments between hello and goodbye. _ When you really begin to think ~ about all this, several more ques- 12 - 4741 LAKELSE, TERRACE — After Store Hours 638-1954 / Telex 04785549 TERRACE FLOWERS A LA CARTE LTO. tions pop up. What's really behind the Mona Lisa’s self-satisfied smirk? Might she have been liven- ing things up a wee bit by anony- mously sending poor Leonardo a few titillating notes? And how do we actually know that Nero was fiddling while Rome burned? Maybe he was busy scribbling a juicy letter to some poor unsus- pecting schmuck. History is full of interesting possibilities for those of us with fertile imaginations. Obviously a psychologist would tell me that people who | make obscene phone calls have a lot of emotional problems, I might even be told that I should be more sympathetic and not make fun of them. Bah Humbug! If people insist on abusing the telephone system that I as an honest, . upstanding citizen must pay for, then they are fair game. If they don’t like this, then they shouldn't phone me. As for my phantom caller, I’m not sure what to think, The RCMP constable I spoke with said that if she follows the same pattern as before, I probably won't hear from her until next year. By that time we'll almost be on a first name 7 basis. Except that after we exchange small chit chat, like: comparing bra sizes, the conversa- tion will probably fizzle out. Then again, maybe she'll complain - _ about this column. Now wouldn't that be interesting! SSE ee eh Ce To. a Ta Dee he