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It’s easy to see why Romeo
and Juliet top the list of popular
classic romances. First off, they
were young and attractive.

Romeo Montague never had a
chance to become bald and grow ~
excess nasal hair, nor was Juliet
Capulet plagued by stretch marks
ot a bustline headed for the floor.

-This couple looked good.
They also didn’t have jobs,

thereby allqwing plenty of free
time for romantic discussions |
about roses, the stars and the
moon. They weren’t married, so
it’s a safe bet that Juliet never

witnessed Romeo parked on the

couch in his underwear, punching
buttons on the remote control. He
probably never caught sight of
Juliet plucking excess facial hair

. ‘or fighting her way into control-
top’panty hose either.

‘Considering this, one must

" ask, how well did they really”
know each other? What if Romeo
‘anid Juliet had continued their

romance? Would the relationship
grow into a mature, stable affair,

‘as solid as old marrieds like, say,

Fred and Wilma Flintstone?

~~ ‘Wad their parents refrained

from interfering, things might've

been different. If Juliet’s folks, —

Fred and Ethe! Capulet, had only
co get dated gedaan Ofer ollaea

a=?

8 Terrace Review —— Wednesday, February 12, 1992

shrugged and told her, "Go
ahead, marry the bum," Romeo
might not have looked so good.
After all, he was an uneducated,
unemployed, sword-brandishing
teenager looking for a fight —
was he truly such a catch?

And Juliet — a spoiled,
rebellious fourteen year-old rich
girl —— she was no trip to Holly-
wood either. This marriage was
doomed from the beginning. -

They were in too much of a
hurry. With a little patience, time
might have eased their raging
hormones with the reality of

Hydro bills, mortgage payments
and garbage days. Their -
obsessions about stars and roses
would have quickly worn thin.

' Eventually, Romeo’s violent
lifestyle would begin to grate on
Juliet’s nerves. Their bickering
might start in the usual way. "O
Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art
thou, Romeo?"

“Here, my lady Juliet, where

I don my ballet tights and
sword."
“Pardon thou me? Thy
sword? Wilt thou be fighting
again today?"
"Only a few enemies, my
lady. I will returneth by lunch."
"Look thou, Romo. Thee.

Bas

-_ in the background. But exactly.

knows I hate thy sword, I'll be
scrubbing bloodstains from thy
tights all afternoon. Can’t you get
areguiar job?” 7

"My dear lady Juliet, getteth
off my back."

"You Montagues are ali
alike. I might’ve known when thy

‘murdered my cousin on our

honeymoon."
"Shutteth up, my lady." Here,
Romeo would slam the door.

Don't you just love the way the
motion-picture industry romanti-
cizes that all-important first meet-
ing between two people who are
about to fall in love? While the
rest of us poor schmucks are wor-
rying about mundane things like
bad breath and receding hairlines,
these silver screen characters are
having a wonderful time falling in
and out of love in exotic locales
while romantic music plays softly

Sponsored by:

Uniquely Yours

‘Bridal Boutique &

-eHeather’s Balloon

*Jon’s Photo / fy
/ f

-*Images by Kaylene

*Custom Video
. . ca

| *Ashbury’s -

6a

( .

NOS

f: :
A SVG

I
3
B

&

?, Ste Master of Ceremonies

_ For invitations, contact —

Doug Smith ©
by
Invitation Only

February 29th
Inn of the West

doors open at
- 7:00 p.m.

FASHION SHOW
8:00 p.m.

| ¢door prizes
_ ehors d'oeuvres -

any ofthe merchants.

Sigh.."Daddy was right — I

Juliet leamed at-an carly age.

ahould’ye married Paris.". |. _-Romeo would finish them off
Family pressures would also. _later.
contribute to Romeo and Juliet’s | They would go their separate .
tension. Just imagine having the ways. Juliet might write a book ’
sword-happy Montagues and === about her experiences, later
dagger-wielding Capulets together appearing on talk shows and in -
for Thanksgiving dinner — why, magazines. Romeo would disap-
the battle over who carves the pear into some branch of the
turkey could wipe outevery -—> military, = :
relative this side of Shakespeare. © And on Valentines Day, we

Their inevitable divorce
would be a nightmare. Capulets "—
and Montagues have never been
known for their civilized, friendly
disagreements. And any children
resulting from the marriage
‘would suffer. Juliet’s response to

appear to be dead — a habit.

would still think of romance, but —
not of Romeo and Juliet. Instead
we would choose a couple more
loving and gentle to epitomize
romance — a couple genuinely
displaying mature, true-to-life
romance. A couple we could all

. a custody battle would be to _ Telate to.
medicate the children so they Like maybe Fred and Wilma
Flintstone. ,

_ Date: Wednesday,
Time:

A meoting Is scheduled to discuss Senior's Housing needs in Terrace and
explore tha formation of a Society to prepare a
submission of need to B.C. Housing.

All Interested persons are Invited to attend.
Place: Munielpal Council Chambers

30 p.m.

- For further information contact Bob Hallsor,
Secretary, Seniors Advisory Commission at 635-6311.

how perfect are these chance Then there is Bram Stoker's
encounters? Maybe it's time to ruthlessly romantic Count Dracu- -
take a quick peek at the story lurk- la. Now flash forward from the
ing behind the story. 19th century to the end of the 20th
Remember all those gallant century. As our sinister yet darkly
knights on their milk-white charg- handsome villain prepares to sink
ers who did nothing but trot his fangs into the throat of a liber-
around the countryside slaying ated woman whom he believes to
innocent dragons and rescuing be the reincarnation of his long-
damsels ifi distress? We quaintly —_ lost Jove. she bashes him over the
refer to this period in our history —_ head with her briefcase and
as the age of chivalry, but try flip- demands to know his complete
.- sping the coin for a slightly differ- medical history. Totally shaken by
ent view. Be this strange experience, the Count
Putting life and limb at risk, Sir slips away, mumbling something.
Knight has gallantly scaled the about the good old days when
castle wall on his rickety ladder. © women were less vicious.
Batting her baby blues, Mistress And we musin't forget about
Damsel coughs politely before the romantic scene where a man
saying, "Sir Knight, thee smells anda woman bound toward one
quite awful, and thine breath could another across a freshly rain-
knock down a dragon at 40 paces. washed field of beautiful wild-
Hast thou never heard of Old = —_—_flowers. But romance definitely
Mother Humpfrey's Industrial takes a nosedive as we watch our
Strength Lye Soap For Busy =—s two lovers slip and slither through
Knights? And look whatsmelly —_piles of wet dirt and soggy foliage.
thing thine horse hath done on Blinded by mud and flower goo,
yonder cobblestones; surely thou _ they bravely stumble onward.
‘Inust climb back down and quick- Unfortunately, they miss one
ly use thine pooper scooper before another by nearly half a mile.
my delicate senses doth reel!" Later we see them at opposite ends -
Then there are the twolovers _of the field; he's sprawled at the
who lock glances acrossacrowd- base of a very large and lethal tree,
ed room. Movie producers would — while she's off chasing a startled-
have us believe that they drift looking moose.
slowly and romantically toward Now that you know these silver
one another, But let's take asec- = screen romances aren't all they're
ond look. Totally oblivious to cracked up to be, you don't have to
their surroundings, our two lovers feel bad on St. Valentine's Day if
tum into a pair of wrecking balls someone should ask where you
as they stumble zombie-like across first met that special someone and
the room, mowing down other you have to admit that you simply
guests, waiters bearing trays of bumped into one another in the
food and beverages, and any furni- aisles of the supermarket. Unless
ture that isn't securely nailed to the this involved taking a nosedive
floor. They finally embrace amid a into the Campbell's Soup display,
romantic chorus of shouted curses in which case you might want to
‘andcrunching glassware. -—=—_ Hie through your teeth.
{& NOTICE OF MEETING
THE OnVOF Py
IDIZED

February 19, 1992

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