The heat of

the moment
By BILL SMILEY

This was supposed to be 2
probing inquiry into what
laws Canadians break most,
and why they break them.
But it’s too danged hot.

What acountry! Just a few

~ weeks ago, you could get free
ice-cubes from those 10-foot
icicles hanging from your
roof. Today the refrigerator
can't keep up with the deé-
mand for them,

That horrible heat wave
we've experienced coincided
with a visit from The Boys.
The combination practically
put Gran and I on our knees,
and we're just now recover-
ing gingerly from an ordeal
that would have put us in our
graves, had we been 10 years
older.

. H's not that we can’t stand.
the heat, And goodness
knows, The Boys are a treat,
But because you can stand |
driving doesn’t mean you
want to drive 800 miles a
day. And because you enjoy
ice cream doesn’t mean you
want to eat nothing else for
two weeks,

Mother of The Boys, our
Kim, was in the pracess of
writing the last of her univer-
sity essays and thought she'd
pop up home, have a visit,
get same free baby-sitting
and finish her essays. A nice
thought. ‘

But The Boys had other
ideas. After being cooped up
in a cily apartment for the
winter, they wanted some ac:
tion, and there's always
action at Grandad’s, at ‘‘the
big house,” asit’sknown. —

Little Balind, the younger,

» Was supposed to be quiet and
convalescent after a serious
illness. Little Balind, after

. about.one day, was as quiet
and convalescent as a Mack’
truck with Dr. Jekyll’s alter
€go at the wheel,

phant grin, and smashed

several dishes: by hurling .

them to the floor from. his
high chair, his signal that the
meal was over. cot

OF course,” after his
iliness he had Practically no
appetite, so feeding him was
no problem. It only took the
three of us adults, one cook-
ing, one shovelling it in, and
one cleaning up the debris, to
stave off his hunger.

He’d start off with a
banana to keep him from
perishing while you were
cooking his bacon and eggs,
Then it was a scramble to get
his toast and honey ready
while the eggs were van-
ishing. Licks off the honey,
hurls toast on the floor,
Stands up in his high chair
and wipes hands on Gran’s
newly-decorated wall. Then
out of the chair and on to.
Grandad’s knee for a few
more bites of egg or muffin
or whatever. This would go
on all ‘day, punctuated by
apples, cookies, _swigs of
apple juice and bits of cheese
to keer! his, stomach from
rumbling. ;

I made the mistake of
sticking my little finger in his

mouth once. Thought he was |

getting some more teeth and
that I'd give the gums a little
rub to ease the pain, Hedam’
near took the end right off
my finger. That kid is a
natural for the wrestling ring
or the Football field,

No such problem with the
other guy, Nikov. He is a
dainty eater, can feed him-
self, and sits up at table,
propped on a fat book. No
problem at all. Except that he
won't eat. Meal time is a
game. If he gets wieners and
beans, he wants milk on it,
then it's too cold. If you're
out of eggs, he warts
scrambled eggs. If you have
apple juice and fresh grape-
fruit, the only thing he can
stomach is orange juice. He
can make a_ half-hour

There's no malice in it. He~

just enjoys. manipulating

three fairly int sligent adults,

like three pupets, one cajol-

. ing, one threatening, and one
furious. We took turns.

Occassionally whisked of:

to bed without any dinner.

‘he'd be quiet for a fen
minutes, then paddle down.
stairs and say he wanted his
supper, But he wanted
chicken, and you'd had stew.

At first they were a little

* peeved that Grandad had to
20 off to work every morn-
ing. The old one wanted me
to take him to the car Wash,
one of our favorite excur-
sions. The little one’ just
wanted me to take him and
yelled. So f dnstituted “Kiss

Time."* 1 lined the whole
gang up, wife, daughter, two
grandtioys, got them to
pucker up and went down the

line with a kiss foreach, Very .

popular routine, You have to
‘be crafty with kids.

For a few days, the
weather was cold, and all
they could do was make the
inside of the house look as

though Attila and his Huns |

had just laid wastea village. .

Then the heat wave struck. _

. Their mother is one of those
new-fangled ones who-think
that children should be al-
lowed to express their creat-
ive faculties regardless. The
Boys poured into the back
yard like the Saracens pour-
ing into Spain, and created.

Pl say one thing for them.
They didn’t set fire to the
stoop, or the fence. They
couldn't have. They dis-
covered Grandad’s hose, and”
where to turn il on, Every-
thing was so wet after-a few
minutes, you couldn't have
stdried a fire with gasoline,

I'd come home from work,
and there'd be iwo naked
tols, soaking, mud from

head to toe, watering each -

other, their mother, the lawn
furniture and any = stray
animal, human or otherwise,

Bill Smiley

to clean up. That, along with
two hours at feeding time,
and about two hours al bath
and story time, and an hour
to recuperate, took a- fair
chunk out of the day.

Now they’re gone and I
miss them terribly. Nobady
to run over, jump on my ar-
thritic foot and butt me in the

stomach. Nobody to make
me read the longest fairy

’ story inthe entire book, I can

hardly wait to see them
again, Maybe Christmas?
For a day?

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