i el aR Tarai aa = ie mea hence Commentary. by Jorma Jyrkkanen The Swedish Prime Minister recently announced that farm . ‘animals would soon be given better legal protection. I pondered the limits to which these reforms could lead in the fictitious story that follows. Beasts Bite Back Swedish pigs oink with glee at: new legislation aimed at release’ from bondage, but- with hopes and expectations raised at . ultimate emancipation. x -_A. psychic who talks to pigs claims. they lead depressing hopeless. lives’ due io the uncertainty of survival. * . Nordic animal rights ‘activists . may soon repeal Pork Barrel ' Futures from the stock market if this trend continues, , Swedish cows will soon be lib- erated to graze in greener pas- tures, with announcement of new anti-incarceration mea- sures. - Does this mean that they may eventually self-actualize and find fulfillment through spirit- ual awakening, if that same leg- islation progresses to its most natural limit? New Swine and Bovine pro- tection laws eyed with envy by - furious chickens, who are de- manding that wanton removal of eggs cease immediately. Their supporters, Animal Amnesty International (a fic- titious group), an offshoot of SPCA International (no connec- tion), are furious with violations reported against freedoms, rights and bodies of livestock. -AAI cites atrocities commit- -.. ted by all agricultural countries ‘against beastdom. They claim that there have been billions beheaded behind -barns in brutal massacres, Egg robbery is everywhere on the upswing, Others sent in trains and trac- | tor trailer trucks to extermina- tion camps where they are killed, flayed and then cut into little bits to be consumed by vile and gross carrion-eating humans the world over. Chickens claim that persistent . unfulfillment due to egg robbing by greedy uncaring egg poachers leads to severe emotional post- partum. trauma. ‘They claim that the farmer doesn’t understand that their clucking after laying a clutch is really a cry for motherhood, a cry. of rage at the brutality and interspecific prejudice of man. In another development, AAI delegates who. visited the ‘Animal rights —| from the left Serengeti witnessed and were horrified by lion cruelty against © wildebeasts, - . They claim that-often, tions commenced feeding on the | flanks of wildebeasts before they “were even dead, a most cruel and vicious act. oe AAI members were appalled at the look of sheer terror, fear and pain in the eyés of the hapless victims. . They also made notes for future reference that wildebeasts viciously apparently unconcern- ed, ripped on scarce bunch grass communities clinging desperate- ly to life in expanding harsh arid — } ecosystems, Were the lions perhaps na- ture’s revenge? AAI couldn’t decide, All of these new developments in Animal Rights has led to the formation of.a new group in California, who were encourag- ed by the new Swedish legisla- . tion, _ HSI, . otherwise known as Hunger-Strike International, a coalition of SFA, Synthetic Food Alternatives, and WWPL or Wimpy, Weepy Pet Lovers. _ and DSOAF or Don’t Step On | The Ant Fool, are having a sym- | posium to kick off discussions on how to eliminate cruelty in the world. ° CO First item on their agenda is ‘‘Humane Capture, Loving Containment and Spiritual Dis- covery Through Painless Drug Induced Euthanasia, for Wilde- . beasts’. . Another will feature ‘‘Alter- native hife-Styles for Beasts’?: There will be a special work- shop on ‘“‘New Genetic Engin- _ eering Developments for the Conversion of . Carnivorous Animals of Herbivores’’. The final thrust of this year’s plenary session will be to en- courage all delegates to carry reforms back to their native countries, aimed at encouraging omnivores to give up the filthy, dirty, cruel, vicious habit of eating the flesh of defenseless fellow, life-loving, cute and lovable organisms of all species. Next year’s plenary session will focus on ‘‘Tough Love in the Plant Kingdom”, ‘‘Propos- ed New Legislation on Man- datory ‘Vegetarianism’’ and ““Gay Virus Rights’’. I say, let’s give a hand to th ‘Swedes, the back of it, that is. - In Court In Terrace provincial court on Friday, November 27 Vernon _ Azak was sentenced to 14 days in jail, to be served intermittent- ly, for impaired driving and received a six month suspension of driving privileges. B.C. Heart Foundation representatives Batt raised $325 for the organization. The prize, Hospital x-ray technician Joy Kealy, hospital. y Campbell (left) and Karen Enriquez (right) report that a recent raffle a plush teddy bear donated by Northern Drugs, went to Mills Memorial who bought the winning ticket from Campbell during her recent stay. in Killer cats? ‘After two months of relative calm, Animal Control Officer Frank Bowsher reported a busy November with eight callouts from the Terrace RCMP and fire department. According to Bowsher, his- department received three com- plaints under. the city’s noise by- law. While two owners seem to have gained control over their ‘pets, he said. ‘‘One. is going :to | court.”" He also reported receiving several inquiries asking for guidelines contained in a city by- law requiring shelter for horses _kept in open fields. ‘Bowsher has reported several violations of this by-law in the past, and this year, because of the failure of owners to respond to his letters or phone calls, he is considering legal action. On the lighter side, Bowsher reported a callout last month to the scene of a break and enter on Pear St. ‘‘A-German Shepherd from Thornhill was cold,” reported Bowsher, ‘‘so he de- cided to break into a basement window.’ He didn’t say if any charges were laid. Also, there was some confu- sion over another item in Bow- sher’s report: ‘Two dogs were killed by cars and two cats,” No further details were of- fered and Bowsher didn’t elaborate on the relative sizes of ‘the cats and dogs. Is it possible that Pitbull ‘ reports are a thing of the past and tabby will have to be leash- ‘ed? Downtown Lions and Terrace Centennial Thank all dignitaries and local merchants who donated to Timmy’s Telethon and all who participated to make this year’s Telethon a greater success! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you from all the Lions 12/23 Aldermen Danny Sheridan and Bob Jackman presented a work of Native art to Mayor Jack Talstra last week. The gift was given to the city by the Muks-kum-ol Housing Society in ‘racognition of the city’s support for thalr . ww income housing project which was officially opened in Terrace recent: j In Terrace provincial court on ‘Monday, December 7 Alfred Pe- terson was fined $150 and given six months probation for mis- chief relating to private proper- ty, Peterson was also fined $500 for driving while disqualified. v Terraceview Lodge _-* The Residents, Staff and Board thank the community for their generous support in 1987 Season's Greetings Wednesday, December 9 Carl Schmidt was. fined $150 for fraudulently obtaining food and lodging. Schmidt was also fined . $150 for theft and ordered to pay $67 restitution to the victim, Ab. Rts In Terrace court. In Terrace provincial court‘on '