PAGE 8, THE TOWNSMAN, Thursday, November 10. 1977

Bill Smiley

Perplexing
questions

By BILL SMILEY -

This week, 1 am perplexed by
several questions, and ‘I turn
for possible answers to the
only people in the world [ can
trust for honest answers: my
faithful readers, all four of
them.

For example. By what ed-
itorial inanity does the Globe
and Mail, which grandly calls .
itself. Canada’s National
Newspaper, run an its front
page a five-column by eight
inches photo of Pierre
Trudeau getting his hair cut?
What is the symbolism, the
hidden meaning, the secret
code, the deep, interpretive
analysis, behind this picture?
Can anyone help?

Is Mr. Trudeau symbal-
ically trimming his sails for a

> no, bul it sure has me baffl-
ed ,

fall election? Is it to show
that the P.M. is mortal, after
all, and that his hair grows,
like that of us lesser beings?
Perhaps it’s a secret warning
to Margaret that, despite talk
of a reconciliation, he's not
going to let his hair grow and
become a flower child, [ dun-

Next question, Where do
things get lost to? It seems to
me that my wife and I have
‘spent more time this past
summer looking for ‘things -
than we have sleeping. Look: .
ing for things that were

“Right there, right on that
counter yesterday.”

Locking for things is one
of the most frustrating, ir-
ritating pastimes in this
materialistic society of ours.
It has brought many a mar-
riage to the teetering point,
and if the union was already
teetering, pushed it over the
brink,

A couple of.wecks ago, she

» lost the keys to the car. After

a 12-hour non-stop search,
na keys, Oh, we had keys for
the other car, the battered
old Dodge. Only one catch.
It was in the garage, and the
keyless car was sitting right
behind it, immovable.

* Twenty-four hours later, 1.
called a lock-picking spec-

: falist. He was out of town,

but would call me when he
got back. Just before he did,
and I- had to fork out
eleventy-seven dollars, the
old fady found the keys,
without looking. They were
in the vegetable bin, with a
turnip, a butternut squash,

and a bag of cooking onions,
It was certainly the logical
place for them.

Then my new black $10
belt went missing. It was the
first belt I'd bought for 12
years, and I was rather proud

. Of it. E knew it wasn't really

lost, because | always hang it
up with my ties. [t was ob-
vious that my wife, in her
eternal tidying, had stuck it
away somewhere, as she so
Often does with things that I |
then cannot find. But she
swore, as she always does,
that ‘she hadn't touched it,
mentioning in passing that
she was sick and tired of |
looking for things that [ had
lost, Naturally, words fol-

lowed, in which the phrase

“car keys" inadvertently

popped out several times.

But the mystery of the mis-
sing belt was readily solved
when I decided to wear my
new, blue, fit-like-a-glove
summer trousers. I couldn't
find’ them. High or low. Then

‘Strange happenings in London church

LONDON’ (AP) -
Bankers, businessmen,
_ brokers and secretaries are
Wying on the floor of an
Ang can church once a
week in the City of London
financial district, learning
_ how to cope with stress.

Leaving their coats in the
pews and with pillows under
their heads, they sprawl for
half an hour on their backs
in St. Mary Woolnoth,
responding to orders from
physiotherapist Laure
Mitchell to pull back their
shoulders, spread their el-
bows, move their hands,
turn their knees, point their
feet and drop their jaws.

Prostrate bodies cover the
green carpet in the central

aisle and the red-carpeted
foot of the high altar. ©

Above the altar, inscribed
with the Ten Com-
mandments, the Lord's
Prayer and the Creed, seven
carved, gilded cherubs gaze
impassively down on the
strange noonday scene.

“Nobody thinks — it
strange—all life is challenge
and response,” said -
vicar, v. Geoffrey C.
Harding, 67, who introduced
the sessions as an addition
to his weekly lectures
series, Relax and Meditate.

GET ALL KINDS

“We get all kinds coming
in, from assistant general
managers to tea ladies,”
Harding said. ‘“‘We don't
charge anything. There is
an offering plate, at the
oor."

After one half-hour
session, Jerry Palmer, 42,
who works in the cleari
department of a bank, sai
he took part “because I'm
just at the beginning of the
stress age.”

: u , to feel red at the
end of every day a
rushing about, My wife
‘seemed to be in charge of
me. After coming here I find
T have no fear of anybody
and I’m in complete control
at work and at home.”

As one of the recumbent 15
men and eight women on the
church floor, Palmer heard
Miss Mitchell intone: “Only
three of you have open eyes.
Thave not told you to close
them—your bodies are
receiving 4) much
relaxation that they have
gone ahead of me.”

The Turner connection

LONDON (CP) — Nearly
5,000 . etchings and
engravings by Joseph
Turner, the great English
landscape painter who died
in 1851, have been traced in
public and private collec-

_ tions ail over the world.

The Turner Society, which.
is campaigning for a per-
manent Turner gallery at
Somerset House in the
Strand, hopes to put mest of

them on exhibition there
before the end of the year.

“These works add a new
dimension to the Turner
collection,’ said Alfrec
Well, the society’s cam-
paign co-ordinator. ‘‘After
Tumer died in 1851 the et-
chings and engravings were

_sold off by the Turner Trust.

“There is a court order of
1872 that this material
should be auctioned and the

proceeds given to the
Turner family. All of them
came from  Turner’s
sessions, but someone
Festroyed the plates in order
to lend rarity value to the
collection.”

_ About 1,000 went on show
recently when the world’s
first Turner gallery opened
at Denver, Colo. Since then
the society has been trying

_to trace the others.

‘TREATMENTS : FAILED
Miss Mitchell, a grey-
haired Scotswoman, said
she worked out her method
of light physical exercises,
most of which can be done at
any time, after standard
treatments failed for her
when she collapsed in ,1957
with neck and limb pains.
“T started by doing the
opposite movement in each*
joint to counteract muscle
tension and the relief was
enormous,” she said. “I
taught my technique first to
antenatal mothers, who said
it greatly helped them in
labor pains.” + ;
The vicar, whose 250-year-
old church is on Lombard
Street in the heart of Lon-
don’s banking and financial
district, said his father was
a doctor and his mother a
nurse, ; .

*T have always been in-
terested in the sick and in
healing,” he explained. “We
lose 330 million working
days every year: in Britain
through ill health, and two
million adults - need
tranquilizers or other pills
to keep going.

“The knowledge our
visitors take away from this
church they pass on to
others and, because they
found itin a chureh, perhaps

they will also pass on
something of Christian

goodwill.

*

Milk in danger

TORONTO (CP) — A University
of Guelph food scientist said today
Stores are still subjecting mil
packaged in plastic jugs or tran-

nt plastic pouches to intense
flourescent lighting although the
light causes the milk to lose much of
its nutritive value.

Dr. J.M. deMan, head of the
university's food science depart:
ment, told a news conference tha’
more than two years after the
release of a report on the harmfu
effects of flourescent light upon mill
and other dairy products, “man:
retail food outlets continue to expos
the contents of their dairy counter:

to light intensity approaching thato ~~

the noon-day sun.

DeMan, whose most recent stud)
involved a survey of dairy displaj
cases in food atores in Guelph. anc

' Metropolitan Toronto said “we were
shocked by the light intensity ir
some outlets.”’

“One location was subjecting milk
in transparent plastic bags and Jugs
to more than seven times the a
solute maximum light intensity
recommended In our study.”

He added that “just as important
as the nutritional’ loss by light ex-
posure is the fact that an oxidized
off-flavor developed in the tran-
sparent pouches and plastic jugs
within six hours, and highl
significant flayor changes occurre
in 12 hours." ; ,

DeMan said that milk in opaque
cardboard cartons showed 1
significant flavor change in 48 hours.

‘Canada's milk supply is one of
the best in the world,” he said, “but

_ itis out in the stores that the quality .

declines,’

DeMan said that consumers in
general “have noidea how and when
the off-flavor develops ir milk
because the chemical deteriuration
is induced by light.’’

However, he said that milk has a
yellowish thinge when it has been
damaged by flourescent light.

He suggested that milk packaging
be changed-to the opaque containers
tthe golden of tunity is when |

e gol por when
we switch to mettie ckaging to
eliminate the plastic jugs anc
pouches, he said. “If that doesn't

m we'll be stuck with the

problem forever.”’ .

- DeMan said that in his studies the
logs of vitamin C was significant.

with a flash of intuition, |
knew where my belt was. It
was wilh the pants, because I
hever unbelt, just hang the
whole works ona hook.

It was quite a relief to
know where my belt was. [1
was equally reassuring to
know that the pants. were

_ with the belt, But it was.

slightly dampening 10 admit

that-both were lost, They stil}. ”

haven't turned up,

There are only two possi-
bilities. One is that a pantless
burglar crept into our bed-
room, snatched my trews and
crept off into the night, once
more modestly attired, The
second I don't even like te
dwell on, .

The last time I had worn
those pants, that belt, was te
a party, It wasn’t a strip
poker party, but it was a falt-
ly lively one,

Did I do a strip tease and

forget to redress my little
pecadillo? me

Did 1 tear them off on the
way home from the party
and throw them out the car
window? Sounds silly, but
the other morning I went out
to get the morning paper,
and there on my back walk
was a pair of brand-new blue
shoes, with thick white rub-
ber soles, in a shoe-box, with

only the lid missing, Only the ©

Lord knows who, for what
mad reason, in what tem-
porary mental’ abberation,
flang them there, But they
are just my size and finders
keepers; . ,

And this whole probe .

brings up the Case of the
Missing Socks. What in the
name of all that is unholy
becomes of socks when they
are put through the washer
and dryer? They never go
missing in pairs, always
singles. P'Il bet [ have nine
single socks in my drawer, all
different colors or knits,

I've gone down with a

flashlight and peered, a bit °
shaken, into the interiors of °

those machines. Nosocks.
They can’t go down the

drain, or it would be plugg- °

ed. Do they do a reverse San-
ta Claus and go up the spout
of the dryer with the hot air?

It's.a little frightening, as —

though someone were trying
to tell me something. About
my feet? Someone with a feet
fetish:

Just one more question.
Where were all the editorial
writers who are now scream-
ing about the stupidity: of
changing highway signs to
kilometers instead of miles,
when I was lambasting the
whole metric-Celsius mnon-
sense almost a yearago?

: Can you, gentle reader, do
a fast bit of arithmetic in
your head when you encoun-
ter a road sign announcing
the speed limit is 45 kilo-
meters per hour? When your

‘speedometer is marked in

miles per hour? And will be
for years to come?

Will you happily pay your
fine when the cop puts the

big blue arm on you and '
claims you were’ exceeding -.

the speed limit by seven
k.p.h.? Must we all start
driving with a calculator-
computer inonghand? .
Now these questions may
not be as important as some:
How old is God? How hot is

it in hell? How long is a

straight line? How far does a
rolling stone?’ Whittier the
Flat Earth Society? Why
does everyone pick on me?
But they are, poor things,

mine own, and I'd like some
i.

answers, . rs
© The Argyle Syndicate Ltd,