The S- Bomb, PES Tae is the Stink Bomb --- it Solin
cau faite atom of truth.”

| oar
‘s subversive!

os origina! skit by HAL GRIFFIN

too: damn sensitive. Better delete that
too, ‘and Ap ants again.
Secretary: Yes, Mr." President.

Harry: Our unselfish aim is to extend to
the world those things that have made
our standard of living the envy of free
men everywhere—things that have be-

ACKGROUND is a cided of
chicken wire or fish net’ draped with
tin cans “and pieces of iron. In the cen--
ter is a sign reading: Jron Curtain. Patent-.
ed by Dr. Goebbels. Churchill, Truman,
~ Marshall, Bevin and Company, Weashing-
fon and London, Successors. Address All
Anquiries to St. Laurent’ Fabri-
oration, Ottawa. Below it is -
another sign: Are you Secure? We Pad-
dock Anvihing. Duplessis Padlocks Un-
limited... A. third sign reads: Beware of
Peacemongers. “One corner! of the cur-
tain has a jagged hole in it.

- “The scene opens with the entry of a man

rae eer:
Secretary: Coca-Cola, Mr. President?

Harry (dubiously): I guess the Coca-Cola’
people might like the plug at that,

Secretary; Yes, sir. They were on the *
phone this morning. They want to know
what State is going to do about the
French dockers. Some of them threw a °
cargo of Coca-Cola in the harbor at
Marseilles. “They Burnt it was one
tions. :

Poesy agaiaageiiart He is followed
by a woman secretary
Soccer ae

_ trying to prevent us from feeding the |

- French people. Well, I guess we'll.

to finish this laters Just make a note

of this. ‘We shall ob. tolerate any inter- ~

_ ference with our American way of life,

whether from within or -without. We
shall defend it wherever it is PRAVSHEG,

in Britain, in’ Sromnggdl :

. Harry: Now whats wrong? ts

| Secretary: It doesn’t read vety well, Mr.
President. You actually say we intend —
{9 defend the ambrioan yay of Heh”
Britain and France.

boss Well, jus
_democratic fioceecey soon there won't _
_ be any difference. a &

= Secretary (folding - notebook): “Yes, Mr.
» President, Is. there anything else, Be

Harry: Yes, “send in that new Canadian

office boy—Mike or whatever ‘his name_
“is. And ‘tell, him to bring Tito with him.

i eoae Yes, Mr. President. (Ext) |

®

Laan {@ictating):. /And:sed warn. all oe
_ those who may mistalce our peaceful in-.-

tke Raine, the Yangtse— ae
The Ropetee, | i we®

ites: beltan make it “the Hima-
. Dagny?

<3 Xes, Mr. Bresidenh? ii

‘frontier is the Rhine, the Him! *

prate There the free | s stand arm-
and ready to defend their free insti-
he the tight of the individual to
life, berty and the pursuit A Sean '

ary: The dollar, Mr. President?
Harry: No, no!s What is that quotation?
er it. Wi “look it»

(Enter 2 . He too wears a
--a lapel ribbo: bearing his
__earries a parrot in a cage.) —
ie ao No a 3

woukin’ jee tek. Ae or kid . Hanry:
Dyer, there.’ Better delete it. Rg :

y Yes, Mr.. President. |
. Pik te ulis, way Ir wae Gioutd de}
Pormea upon we the Britton pouhe’ wit
ot shrink from their task. Once Soa

e French army stand in defense _
native soil, shoulder to shoulder —
‘West German allies. No, that

Mike: He’s @ real smart bird, sir, Dal yo? ;

eral Marshal] | was standing by his cage
with all his medals on and he he snipped —
them off one by one with his beak and |

. ting around: all morning. |

carrying a note- Harry: ‘Those damn Reds again. Alay i

gotten all that socialist talk he picked |

up from the Reds during the war.

Mike: Oh no, sir. He can still recite the
Communist Manifesto — forwards and
backwards. And he's learned’ a new trick.
When he wants to be fed he squawks
his head off and yells that he’s being
attacked.

Harry: Better and better. Well Mike, may '
boy, I’ve got a job for you.

Mike: What's that, sir?

Harry: I want you to take Tito to China
with you and find a mate for him.

Mike: Wouldn’t England be better, sir?
They’ve got some pretty wise old par-
rots there. The way things are in China
it might be hard to find one.

Harry: No, it’s got to be a Chinese par-
rot. We’ve got lots of parrots in Eng-
land and France and Canada, but most
of them are moulting and they don't do

so well. Now, you’d better leave as soon —

as you can

(Harry paces up and down looking at
the “Iron Curtain” and Mike starts off
stage. Harry suddenly notices ~~ hole
and calls Mike back.)

Harry: Mike! a

Mike: Yes, sir?

« come Boe Pie ad Hse ot Sees peed

Harry: Don’t you know this curtain has

cost us bililons of dollars, How did. that

-hole get there? Have those Korean moths .

been at it again?

Mike: No, Chiang Kai-shek did that, sir.

He had to leave in a hurry and it was
the only way he could get back in. (Exit
Mike)

(Enter See

Secretary: There's a military man to see

you, Mr. President. The Pentagon gd a
him right up here. :

“Harry: Who is he? ; j
Secretary: I don’t now. He ‘hasn’t thawed

out yet.

,

| Harry: What do you ‘mean?

; - Secretary: He's. the last survivor of Op-
‘ eration Swpktn Sour. wo. wee ee ae

~~ back from. Edmonton. “That's all I know, .

except there’s a letter here from a man
named. Sourdough Sam. Shall ¥ read it,

Mr, President? f

\ Harry: Yes, read it. This is terrible,
Secretary (reading): Kluane’ ‘Lake, Yukon

know what he did this morning? Gen-

took them in his cage. He’s bers vachn “Harry (to men): Okay, rerun fe

“to take a run to.

do either. ‘The French are still snr Bine, But 1 eRIPF he nrasn’t for ‘ary (to seated man): Quick ‘man, Tell me "producing

Territory. Dear Hell-Bomb Harry: I am

_ Sending you back one of your boys col-
lect because he ain’t got no American

_ dollars—he lost all his money in a little

poker game we had before the freeze-.

up. I am putting him on a refrigerator
car as he don’t seem to like this fine

_ climate and it was a shame to thaw

him out. This country ain’t seen such |

‘goings-on since the days of ’98, only we.
wasn't playing soldiers then. Please don’t

send no more boys up here as we can’t

_ be responsible for them when they get
; Jost, which they: do all the time. We don’t |
t need nobody to defend us. We got. no

time to fight and there ain’t nobody
; _ going: to fight us, and all this here equip-
ment. your boys dumped in the creeks
“; », ain’t no good for mining, anyways.
change menos to —_Spect

Re--
ully, Sourdough Sam. P.S. I had

_ I want to talk to him. (Exit

*
od

; [oe to do just what you intend'to do

onton to put this
ee , boy on the train, so I used up all his ~
ee which I understand is good for
eating, They don’t tastd so good to me, ,
“but the dogs: liked them fing,

Harry: He sounds like a Red to me—ex-
‘Propriating army supplies, — “y

Mr. President. But what .
about Aa outside? apn

ha name He ae ‘Well, have him sei in and wot
aa: _ See what he has to say. — i

what happened. Were you attacked?
Were you sabotaged? Speak up.

(Man looks wildly around, then stands up,
staring straight ahead, and recites while

Harry and pemetary look on in conster-
nation.)

There zre strange things done in the
midnight sun
By men of the dollar brand;
The Yukon soil is soaked with oil
And plane wrecks littered the land;
The Northern Lights have seen queer
Sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was the night at Nome we headed for
‘thome
And our weasel froze to a tree,

We set up latrines in the Yukon ravines, .
The plumbing’s a sight to behold, fs
But no matter how hot’ the’ cold war got
_ The country was still too cold;
Phe general’s in bed with a cold in ahs
! head,
The brass is down with the flu;
You can ete it from me, we never did

‘The “Tndly who’s known as Lou.

Now G. I./ Lee was from Tennessee,
from the land of. the brave and free
Why he came to play a war game
in the frozen north, just don’t ask me
For he nipped his nose and his fingers
froze -
. And he could ‘not Fins a& gun,.
So. we shipped him back in a gunny
i sack—
That's how the enemy won,

ati wide eae eon ei

(At close of recitation man slumps down
in chair and Harry shakes head and
looks knowingly at Secretary.)

Harry: Poor. fallow, ‘his mind has gone, At
- least, the Reds can’t learn anything from

him, He'll | have to ‘be commitged, of
course. ee

i \

Sechetary: OF course, Mr, President, :

Harry: This reverse forces me to a jateve
decision. Call in ‘the boys from the Can-
adian press. We've got to intimidate—I —
jmean reassure the. Canadian people. And
this poor fellow must be taken to hospital
immediately, ,

_ Secretary: Yes, Mr. : President:

(Men re-enter and assist
Enter two reporters.)

(Exit) .
neues, off stage. :

Harry: Boys, I have come x a momentous -
decision, ee

, Reporters ogether) Yes, Mr. President,

a tthe world stands on the brink of”
war. Our foreign. policy is strained to
the limits of our tolerance. Agents of
those powers that seek to enslave the

. free nations in their own totalitarian
darkness have penetrated our defenses.
They have even enlisted the weather
against us. In brief, gentlemen, Opera-

, tion Sweet has gone sour. So great is
our peril that I have taken upon myself

the grave decision to girder the manufac.
ture of the S-Bomb,

ist Reporter: The Somip:: “What kind of.
__ . bomb is that, Mr. ‘President? *

Harry: the S-Bomb, gentlement, is the most ;

¢ powerful propaganda — weapon ever de-
vised. Whenever ' you want to’ accomp-,
-lish a purpose to which the public is Op-
‘Posed, you accuse your opponents of

,

yourself. The S-Bomb, gentlemen,. is the
Stink-Bomb—it ‘splits. the atom of truth. ie
| There i is a commotion offstage and two
c omen enter carrying © mops. and —
pails. “They “carry placards on. their
backs | reading, Ban the Bomb and The
_ Pexple W ant Peace. rk fs
First Char: ‘Okay, Mister peaidenty, we've | i
had enough of stinks. Your whole Douay tn ata
_ stinks. Now we're. cleaning up. HEN SARE Rg
. (Flourishing | their mops, the citegWoriect es
force Bere and Bend Feporters; ies ie thay

\